Is it good or bad to confront the other woman?

Idkwtd2009Nov · 11-22-2009, 03:57 PM

Is it good idea or bad idea to confront the other woman?

Part of me wants to ask her if she slept with my H. He denies it.

Part of me knows that this might give her the opportunity to dig her nails in deeper in my H.

We plan on working on our relationship and H says he will break off all ties. Should I leave it alone and trust him that he didn't sleep with her.

It is a very Emotional Affair. He has very strong feelings for her but he loves me and wants to make it work.

I think H will be upset if I do confront her.

Sven · 11-22-2009, 04:04 PM

No. My one contact with the other guy was not pleasant, and the very first thing our marriage counsellor asked was if I wanted to hurt him.

It seemed clear to me that contact could never end well, so to reduce the risk I just didn't. And my wife needed to send a No Contact letter. It has to come from her.

Atholk · 11-22-2009, 04:34 PM

Yeah you really risk it turning into rolling around on the floor with clumps of each others hair in your hands.

stupidme · 11-22-2009, 07:04 PM

What's this about men picturing women fighting over them? I don't know what the OW looks like but am very curious. I think one day of going to her work place (restaurant) and have lunch or dinner with my friends. Of course, I will not confront her, I just want to see what she looks like.

When I first told my H I want to go there, he made me promise never to step a foot into that restaurant ( & I didn't promise). He said he was afraid we'd be physically fighting each other. I'm not the violent type so I guess he meant her because when he supposing broke off with her, she got physical with him.

But if you really want to know if he slept with her and he denied it, I think I might have ask her myself. But then, you're opening a Pandora box that can never be closed again. Do you want to know? & What if she's not not telling the truth.

I truly don't know what the answer is. When I first confronted my husband, he lied through his teeth. It wasn't until I wrote him a twenty something letter telling how I felt that he finally fessed about their affair. Even then, he lied till I poked holes into his lies and got the whole story 3 weeks later or so.

This is was a very emotionally affair for both of them. He told her everything about himself, which included our kids & me.

Idkwtd2009Nov · 11-22-2009, 08:23 PM

I know she could lie and say something happened to get me to hate my husband. I guess I wont open the pandoras box. I don't think I really want to know either. H says it didn't happen and right now I do trust him.
I want our marriage to work.
I don't think I would physically fight the OW either. I would probably have asked her over the phone.
Only time will heal my marriage and I want it to work and right now, so does H.
I have to remain positive that it will work out.

Thanks to all of you.

LuvMyH · 11-23-2009, 07:43 AM

Another reason not to confront the OW would be that if you were to get upset,you wouldn't want her to have the satisfaction of seeing the hurt or anger in your eyes. I wrote a letter to the OW-but only because I wanted her to know that I knew who she was. For a year prior to that, she had driven by my house and yelled b**** at me, almost hit me with her car as I was checking the mail, and finally, sent her 19 year old daughter into the dentist office where I work.
In the letter I was able to keep my emotions in check and stay on the high road. In person, I don't know that I could have done so.
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Deejo · 11-23-2009, 12:10 PM

If by confronting her your hope would be to find some 'truth', it probably wouldn't happen. If he has actually broken off the relationship, and she was invested in him - then odds are she isn't going to feel much like talking. You need to remember, regardless of the facts of your marriage - all she knows about you is whatever he told her and it probably wasn't flattering.

The long and short, you won't feel any better for confronting her, and if reconciliation is your goal, such an action will likely make things worse for both you and your husband, not better.

mrsbroken · 11-23-2009, 12:18 PM

I think it's up to the person to know if they should talk to the OW. Me I did call the OW to see what she would tell me and at first she said they were just friends. Yea right. I didn't believe anything she said but it made me feel better letting her know that me and hubby were going to work on our marriage and she was to stay out of it. For the first month after I found out about the EA I would send her a e-mail anytime I was mad and sent it to her. She didn't like it but it made me feel better letting her know how I felt about her and my hubby. After awhile I just stop thinking about it and the angery went away. Me and hubby are doing better now as long as her name is never said in our house. So it depends on you if you think it is right thing to do

BetrayedChris · 11-24-2009, 12:28 AM

Hi all this is my first post.I found out all of the horrid details of my husbands affair from the other woman!it cuts like a knife.
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BetrayedChris · 11-24-2009, 12:50 AM

Hi all this is my first post.I found out all of the horrid details of my husbands affair from the other woman!it cuts like a knife.
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