I cant get over it.... or can i?

RacehorseChick · 11-22-2009, 10:38 PM

hi. im new here. i was seeking a forum because im torn. ill try to make this short, but i dont want to leave out things. oh and im not married, but want to be- i think- i dont know anymore.... anyway:

my boyfriend and i met when i was 15 and started dating right away. we started living together after i graduated high school. (hes 5yrs older than me). when i was 20, things got really rough between us. i told him we needed to separate for a little bit, so i could sort things out and decide what i really wanted in life. we split but still saw each other and talked about things for 2 weeks. then he moved back in (this was in October this all happened). my father had passed away the day after easter that year and i was so depressed, confused, angry, etc. christmas was coming up soon and i was scared, i didnt want to do it. well lo-and-behold xmas eve i find text messages on his phone. "ill show you my junk later in the shower" "SPANK!"- things like this. those are the 2 texts that really stick out in my mind still today. i sobbed, he told me they were just joking and threw his phone into the woods before i could read the rest of them. this tore me up for a YEAR before he confessed that he slept with her. now this is the thing:

i can deal with the fact that he slept with someone else because it happened when we were split for the 2 weeks, and i did sleep with someone else too. thats not my problem. THIS is my problem:

its who it was, and the fact that AFTER we were back together he was STILL texting her dirty texts.

shes a nasty slob. has kids with 3 different guys, never been married, etc. just a skank. hes worked with her for years. and constantly talked about her- but not nicely. how much he hated her and stuff. my thoughts is, you dont hate someone and then sleep with them. he also had her number saved in his phone before we ever split. i asked him to get rid of it, and he did- but then he saved it again as just her number, he didnt put her name... like im too dumb to know!

he says it happened because he was mad at me. apparently he had bought me an engagement ring right before we split. BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT!!!! not until months after we got back together! he says he went over and it "just happened". yeah ok... sex doesnt "just happen" with someone you hate!

anyway, i decided to try to stay together and get over it. but i dont know if i can. i just feel like theres a lot more hes not telling me. and i feel like i deserve to know. sometimes we are fine, and its like it never happened. but then all the sudden it just pops in my head and i get sick. i get sick, disgusted, angry, depressed. you name it, i get it. i just dont know how to work through this! help! its been 7yrs.... i just hate to throw it away without trying.

Sven · 11-22-2009, 10:48 PM

Instead of thinking of the seven years already invested in this relationship...think of the years you would throw away if you went back.

You know the answer and are afraid of the path you need to take. Good luck and I'll say a prayer for you.

Initfortheduration · 11-23-2009, 06:12 AM

You cheated too. You turned around and had sex with some guy. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Were you talking to this guy b4 you had broken up? Or was he a ONS. I'll bet you had him all picked out. Because, as you said yourself, "Sex doesn't just happen". Have you spoken to the guy you had sex with since you got back together? What a hypocrite. If you can't forgive him then breakup. Sounds like you would be doing both of you a favor.

Bet you felt stupid when you found out he wanted to marry you. he could say the same thing about you . Yuk, broke up with me and within two week she has some other guy between her legs. See what I mean.

cody5 · 11-23-2009, 07:15 AM

Oh good. An easy one that even I can't screw-up.

1 - You met when you were 15, moved in right after high school? Too, too young. You have a life you need to live and experience to the fullest. Do it.

2 - No, you are NOT any different than all of the others that met and married too young and were divorced by age 25. Quite the contrary, the behavior you described between the two of you is EXACTLY like all of the others.

3 - Too much toxisity, too little trust, and did I mention you're TOO YOUNG.

Go away to college. Move to another city and start a new single life and LIVE it. To the fullest. Get away from each other. Be happy. You only get one shot.

Good luck to you.

RacehorseChick · 11-23-2009, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Initfortheduration

You cheated too. You turned around and had sex with some guy. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Were you talking to this guy b4 you had broken up? Or was he a ONS. I'll bet you had him all picked out. Because, as you said yourself, "Sex doesn't just happen". Have you spoken to the guy you had sex with since you got back together? What a hypocrite. If you can't forgive him then breakup. Sounds like you would be doing both of you a favor.

Bet you felt stupid when you found out he wanted to marry you. he could say the same thing about you . Yuk, broke up with me and within two week she has some other guy between her legs. See what I mean.

that was pretty rude. im sorry i joined this forum if this is how people act on here.

i NEVER had him all picked out. i was hanging out with a friend, and he was a friend of her boyfriends. i liked him, we got to playing drinking games at a party, we had sex. he was a virgin- i know this because A-most guys wont even admit it if they are, and he did and B-it was pretty damn obvious. and dont call me a hypocrite, i did not talk to him after we were back together. it was a ONS and thats ALL it was. and THIS is the part that bothers me. he carried it on AFTER that night, into our relationship.