Imlost

I'm thinking that it's time for you to do the right thing. You're hurting someone and being cruel because you don't want to deal with it - you need to realize that and convince yourself that it is bad behavior. Your hubby deserves better.

LuvMyH

Seriously, how can you be reading the posts on this forum and still refuse to tell your H and let HIM decide what HE wants to do about your marriage? Karma is going to really let you have it,one day.

squirsh2000

I have to agree with most of the posters here. Your husband deserves none of this. Let him go and find someone that will give him the love he deserves. You are being very selfish. Get some counseling and find out what is missing in your life, what is driving you to do this. Its a shame that people do not have self control anymore. If it feels good, do it, right? WRONG! You will have to live with yourself. Hopefully Fred wont have to live with you.

stillINshock

what comes around...
goes around.

letmego

Beni. I cant understand you why you cheated since you still love your husband so much?If you feel like the excitemet is decreased with your husband because you've been together too long,you can figure out a way to work things out insdead of cheating on a nice husband. I think you might be just a habitually cheater. Even if there is no Ben,it will be someone else.

sunflower

Karma!

jayney

Confess to your affair, and leave - otherwise your life is a lie.

4 years ago I was in a marriage of 9 years and i was also a part of this crazy Jehovahs Wittness religion who believe that you cant leave your marriage unless the bonds of marriage have been broken by (a) death or (b) infidelity.

Well sort of committing suicide (thought crossed my mind) i was in a very similar situation to you were I was becoming very friendly with my golf coach. (funnily my golf coach said that you need to be aware of both tennis and golf coaches - both notorious for affairs).

Well after a few months of very easy association and tuition and flirting... the sex was had and that night I rang my husband who works at the mines and told him that I was leaving. I never told him why but I dont believe in staying in an untrustworthy relationship.

Here is my lesson. While on a religious stance I gave myself a justifiable reason to leave the marriage (apparently according to elders of the congregation his affairs online were not infidel enough and no support emotionally), but here is the catch...

I love my current partner but, christ! I find it so hard to trust. Not only because I have been cheated on but if a person like me who values trust and exclusivity in a relationship can sleep with someone else (even if for a one off time and for a good reason) then how can I trust anyone else. I have let myself down mostly, for a day I was someone who I hate.

It took me nine years to leave my marriage! One **** to end it and I do hope not the rest of my life to forgive myself and trust my partner.

psychocandy

Beni,

Married two years and you couldnt keep your legs together? I dont think you're gonna get much sympathy on here. I feel sorry for your husband thats hes got mixed up with a cheating *****.

Choose2love

You mentioned that the only one who could save you was Fred... actually its you who needs to save yourself. Fred is not responsible for your cheating, and in fact you are cheating on yourself by denying yourself the opportunity to be in a trusting, loving relationship with what sounds to be a decent man. You are in need of the mirror of the person you want to see and be rather than who you really are... and if that doesnt change you will continue to cheat on Fred or whoever. If its that feeling, that thrill you are after, then do everyone including yourself a favor and stay single... its the only way to continually have sex with thrill. You will miss out on the awesomeness of deeply connected sex, but hey you will have that thrill.

My regards to Fred.

bestblu1

Beni

You are not just hurting your husband. You are destroying your own self worth and violating everything you know is right. You have got to deal with your adulterous lifestyle so that you can begin to respect yourself again.

You know on the inside that what you are doing is wrong. You can't possibly like who you are at this point in your life. You need to change on the inside.

Trying to reason in your mind about what you are doing will never change a thing. You need to admit that you are wrong and learn how to change your attitude about adultery.

John1970

... but not after 2 years of marriage, but after 20 (but she still LOOKS 20!).

It's all so difficult and I can see how hard it was for her to love me (I'm so hard to get on with and hopeless at earning decent money for the family).

In your case it's something different, but she's also been on the verge of romances like yours. And I understand - these things are so hard for women, especially women, to resist. I believe you're more prone to act on the spur of the moment, to give in to feelings, because you just are this way. It's hard to accept (or sweet at times), but it's true.

If you like check out my blog where I write about my marriarge v. my wife's affair.

John1970

I forgot to post the blog's address:

meshehim

AlexNY

Let me tell YOU some things about Ben and Fred that you never said. Then, I will tell you how I know these things.

Fred

When you fell in love with Fred, you felt secure. You knew his love would last forever, you knew he would never hurt you, and you knew he would provide for you. Fred usually wants the same things that you do. When Fred wants something different from you, sometimes you agree, but you know that if you really insist, you will have your way. He is generous, kind, affectionate, and accomodating.

At first, your sex life was great. Over time it dropped off. The only real complaint that you have ever had about Fred is that, when your sex drive dropped, he started to act hurt when you would find excuses to postpone or avoid your once per week "intimate time". If you had to summarize Fred in one sentence you might say, "He is an all around nice guy, our marriage was perfect except that he wanted more sex than I did and acted hurt when I avoided intimacy with him."

Ben

Ben is exciting. He is masculine, emotionally distant, confident, strong, and he guzzles down life like a Viking warrior guzzles down mead. He has a ready laugh but also has an edge to him, perhaps even a hint of a temper. You know he wants you, but you also know that he wants what he wants, and there is nothing you can do to change what he wants or bend him to your will. There is less to say about Ben because, quite frankly, you just don't know him as well as you know Fred. You always know what Fred will say and do without having to ask him, but Ben is full of surprises, to the point where you are sometimes afraid of what his reaction will be ...

You

You still love Fred, but you are irresistably drawn to Ben. Fred was the husband that you always thought you wanted, and now that you have found him, you cannot imagine why you feel the way that you do. Your mind tells you that Ben is a no-win situation. Ben will never care for you, love you, or do anything more than use you for sex. Why do you ache for the touch of this person who has done nothing to deserve your love? Why do you feel an increase in your desire for your husband now? Why is it that for so long, your husband's touch meant nothing to you, while this dangerous and distant man owns your body ad soul?

You are filled with guilt, but you absolutely cannot, and will not, stop. You are very clever, and you know how to postpone your "Ben time" when needed to prevent your husband from fidning out, but the possibility of ever giving up on "Ben time" entirely fills you with dread. The fact that Ben will never love you as you love him gives you intense pain, and you long to tell your husband, your best friend, about your feelings ... so that he can help you. But you know you cannot.

Right?