sunflower

Well I think because I found out about my husband and his little cheat with my old friend about this time last year I am a little down right now. I am on here posting on and off and I think that I go back and forth and bring it up and down in and out cause I just want to feel something good or bad. And I guess I need to speak to that one person that knows what I am going through or has been the person to do this and well to beleive that my husband is telling me the truth.

So Maybe I will say what he did again HOPING for just someone to chat with.
Me and my H were having problems in our marriage. Alot I remember speaking with my friend ALL the time about us and telling her that I couldnt do it anymore that I didnt know if I loved him on and on. Well of course bad idea to talk to her cause her and her H were having issues he cheated on her. So she Kissed my H one night when I had went home. A few months later he asked to kiss her they were here at my house and I was up in bed. He asked her if she had feelings and thats what the first kiss was about. She told him no that she loved her H and me. He said he did to but wasnt sure about us. She told him that the grass wasnt greener on the other side. And he still proceeded to get her to kiss him telling her that he thinks they should kiss to know. So they did. And he took her home after.

I guess he called her a few days later telling her sorry about what he did and it was wrong and that he loved me and knows what he wants blah blah blah. But the thing that bugs me to this DAY is that he says that he had NO feelings for her its so hard for me to grasp that. I know what happend was stupid and both times drinking. But its the whole I DONT HAVE FEELINGS thing I cant get over??? WHY? I mean I feel and I know I am stupid for saying this but how do I know he would have chosen me? I mean what if she said yes I do have feelings for you. would he have left me for her? and why the hell would he do that if he didnt have feelings for her??

I just feel so alone right now. I thought that I could get rid of that by talking with this guy but its just NOT the same I love my H to much I cant tell you how I feel and I dont like to be home everyday starring at this man and Not knowing what he is thinking?? what am I going to do?

Initfortheduration

Sunflower. We know the past. What you need to address is the OM you were macking on. Have you gone NC with him?

sunflower

Ya he is nothing I dont talk to him. All I want is my H. but he doesnt know how to talk to me I guess? I just wish all this crap never happend it sucks so bad. and I hate not knowing the truth. And the truth is I just wanted to feel wanted or maybe what he felt with this OM but I got NOTHING. And I think thats why it hurts MORE cause I just love him to much to do what he did.

cody5

It seems to bother you that he may have had feelings for her? That there was more of an emotional attachment that he's not admitting?

Again, I'm not good at the relationship stuff, by I know men's hormones. I feel VERY confident it was most likely a purely physical desire to kiss her and had little to NOTHING to do with an emotional attachment. You mentioned alcohol was involved? Men + alcohol + willing female = bad combination. Notice emotional attachment wasn't in that mathematical equasion anywhere. And I'm not saying I'm a good mathemetician either, so I don't know where "saying what you need to say to get what you want from a potentially willing partner" fits, but it's there also.

I can't help you on letting go of your problem with the physical "deed", but you shouldn't worry about the emotional attachment.

I know: easy for me to say.

sunflower

Ya very true! I have been really good with him ever since my last post showing him so much love! cause I really want this to be a good holiday. And I am still here I didnt chose to leave so that means I need to be good to him and live my life day by day and he if cheats after all this then. I leave cause it wasnt supposed to be. But if I am chosing to stay I have to be in it all the way.