my husband confessed to cheating!:(.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By cam.beeb33
  • 1 Post By doubletrouble

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-03-2013, 04:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3
Unhappy my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hi

about a couple of years after we were married..(married 09)..things started to go downhill..i knew my hb.wasnt happy and just went to work as normal and pretended things were ok..but they weren't..he wasn't happy at all, and little did I know that he had been doing the dirty behind my back for about 4 months! with one of his work colleges..he said she listened to me.and I didn't...like..proper cheating and cheating intimately!..he said it only happened once..and even he didn't think he would ever do it to me..as you can imagine I was devastated and didn't know what to do with myself..he confessed to it all and kept saying he was sorry and that he loved me..he even contemplated suicide..and I didn't want him to do it..we went to counselling and to relate etc..we are still together and in October last year..(2012)..we had a baby girl...but iam still heart broken and never a day goes by when I don't think about it..he even says he still hates himself and went onto anti-depressants etc..he doesn't want to loose me
or our baby girl..i have lots of different emotions and feel like I just want to keep talking about it..but that's not a good idea otherwise we would never move on..I think about paying him back, or getting revenge or going to punch this work colleges lights out..(im not a violent person-far from it)..but that's how I feel..but that wud get me into trouble..sorry if this sounds abit spaced out..but wanted to say what was on my mind..do we still stay together for our daughter and make it work or is there anything else I cud do?..still hurting lots!(..

many thanks..


| Talk with a Live Online Counselor
cam.beeb33 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-03-2013, 04:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Western U.S.
Posts: 781
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

Very tough spot. Sounds like you are still not healing very well.

Many of us have been through this too. There comes a point that you probably should decide what is in your best interest over the long run. Reconciliation or divorce? Limbo is a state of mind when you can't choose either. Limbo is often worse than D or R.

You don't have to decide on anyone's timetable, but it might help you heal if you commit to one path. Many of us come to a point that D is easier than R.

If you just found TAM, I would suggest you read lots of stories about people in your situation. There are countless ones to choose.

Make your decision when you are ready. Don't cheat for revenge. It will not help you or him.

Sorry you are here!
Lovemytruck is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-03-2013, 04:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
doubletrouble's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,317
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

So sorry to have you in this group of people. However, you are about to get loads of comments from people who have been through it all... unfortunately for all of us here, but fortunately for you.

One thing, if it was with a co-worker, one of them has to go! You can't stay in touch with your affair partner (AP) and have a genuiune reconciliation.

You are the only onw who can determine whether or not to stay. Sounds like he has genuine remorse, but he needs to be an open book to you to rebuild trust. Trust, and your marriage as you knew it, is gone. It has to be re-built from the ground up.

You will also hear: you have to be willing to lose your marraige in order to save it. Which means you have to be willing to divorce in order to bring things back to zero.

Stay strong, you are in good company.
doubletrouble is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-05-2013, 01:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 14
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

Well, first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's definitely not easy to work through an affair and deal with all the emotions that inevitably come after finding something out like this. But, it seems like you've already gotten some good advice. As doubletrouble mentioned, it's definitely important that your husband has boundaries with the opposite-sex and is open and honest with you about everything. That will certainly go a long way towards rebuilding trust in your marriage. Also, I know you mentioned you both went to counseling when this first happened, but perhaps you should consider going again? Even if it's just on your own, I think a counselor can help you work through all that you're feeling right now and figure out what steps to take next. Lastly, maybe it would be helpful to see if you can find a support group in your area? Somewhere to talk about this openly and hear from others in your shoes and how they got through times like this. I think an organization called Hope and Healing started by Gary and Mona Shriver might be able to connect you with something like this (hopeandhealing.us). So, just FYI if you want to check out their site. In the meantime, I'm praying for you, friend. Hang in there!
gardensparrow is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-06-2013, 11:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: central US, not unicorn fantasy land
Posts: 961
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

I do not think that a revenge affair would help anything. It would make things worse. You would feel bad about that in addition to the way you feel about his affair. It sounds l like he is very sorry. He confessed, but if they are still working together something needs to change. Do you know if they still work together?
harrybrown is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-06-2013, 05:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

very many thanks for your replies..so sorry I took a while to come bk.to you ..no..he has another job now, so no contact from that other ****! (am I allowed to put that??)..I feel that I cant just up n leave just like that..our daughter needs a daddy n I still luv him..its soo hard..but not sure its how it used to be at the beginning...we talk about re-newing our vows-he says he would rather die than do it again!..so maybe he means it..he doesn't want to loose either me or our daughter..im so scared that if I leave him, he may do something as he still gets so depressed sometimes...
cam.beeb33 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-06-2013, 05:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 10,232
Default Re: my husband confessed to cheating!:(.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cam.beeb33 View Post
very many thanks for your replies..so sorry I took a while to come bk.to you ..no..he has another job now, so no contact from that other ****! (am I allowed to put that??)..I feel that I cant just up n leave just like that..our daughter needs a daddy n I still luv him..its soo hard..but not sure its how it used to be at the beginning...we talk about re-newing our vows-he says he would rather die than do it again!..so maybe he means it..he doesn't want to loose either me or our daughter..im so scared that if I leave him, he may do something as he still gets so depressed sometimes...
OK, you are amongst friends here.

Revenge affairs? Don't. I did that and it makes you feel worse.

Time will help, but I feel you could benefit from counselling, both individual and couples counselling.

Re-newing your vows? What a nice idea!
__________________
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
husband confessed to cheating..big time!. cam.beeb33 General Relationship Discussion 2 07-03-2013 09:59 PM
Just Married, but husband confessed to past cheating. WhiskeyJab Coping with Infidelity 5 11-08-2012 11:44 AM
Husband confessed cheating and not being attracted to me but loves me.Now what? tinatina Coping with Infidelity 7 09-18-2012 09:51 AM
Confessed to my husband sunnyday7 General Relationship Discussion 20 12-12-2009 05:44 PM
Husband Confessed and I'm Crying Della Coping with Infidelity 26 05-16-2009 09:58 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:40 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.