She is back

robert6 · 11-27-2009, 11:09 AM

Guys, I had posted a while back that my W had cheated on me bjut had the guts to let me know. She had gone away on business for 2 weeks and we had spoken every day during these 2 weeks.

I decided to give her another chance as she was the one that had told me which showed that she wanted to save the marriage. Anyway she came back last night and even though I was happy to see her she said I looked distant. This is true as I did feel a little weird, it was the first time after she told me we had been face to face.

Anyway we are sleeping in seperate beds and have decided to start 'dating' and try to rebuild our relationship. Anyone have any pointers or advice?

Sven · 11-28-2009, 06:52 AM

Robert, I am so sorry to hear this. You have a long road to cover.

First pointer is you must make it absolutely crystal clear that she must be open about her life and never lie to you. Even on the smallest detail.

Don't try too hard to fix the marriage. You need to hang back and let her try to fix the marriage. If you beg and plead and constantly try to convince her that everything will be okay, then she'll put up a wall. As much as it hurts...she needs to fight for you (not the other way around).

Seek professional marriage counseling. Both of you must go.

At this point, I wouldn't recommend a lawyer, but make it clear that if she cheats again it is OVER. No second chance. Ask her to point out what clothes she wants you to pack for her when you throw her out of the house.....

Finally, you need somebody you can talk with. This forum is fantastic, but we are not face to face nor always available. You need to carefully share your problem with a close friend or family member (or two). She might want the affair to remain a secret. Well too damn bad. You come first here. If she tries to blame you for driving her away - don't take it. Nothing justifies an affair.

Good luck!

foolz1 · 11-30-2009, 03:19 PM

Robert6, while it may seem refreshing that your wife chose to confess, it still doesn't change the fact that she was very much lying to you during her affair. I wouldn't exactly interpret her guilt as exemplary behavior. She still lied and cheated on you. She made the choice to do that, also.

stillINshock · 12-02-2009, 09:50 PM

take your time and go with your gut.

Atholk · 12-02-2009, 09:55 PM

Find out what need was being unmet in her that was a factor in her straying.