Whats behind the sudden change?

noideato20 · 11-29-2009, 08:49 PM

Its a common theme on these posts that the one who is cheating hasa total personality change. Like night and day. Withdrawl from their family life ect... I just wanted to hear from people why they think the spouses do that. Why isnt a more gradual thing?
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Atholk · 11-29-2009, 09:33 PM

Because everything hinges around a decision to cheat/cross the line. Before the decision to go ahead and cheat, there's not much to really worry about and cover up. But once the cheating starts, there's a lot to lose and things tend to get put in motion to defend against being caught and/or the character assassination of the cheated on spouse.

Ditajr · 11-29-2009, 10:38 PM

I don't agree with that.

noideato20 · 11-29-2009, 10:59 PM

Then whats your opinion ditajr
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nice777guy · 11-30-2009, 12:16 AM

Saw the same here...wish I had an answer. She claims things were slipping and I didn't see - but then they really began to snowball when the lying started and I don't know why it won't stop.

stupidme · 11-30-2009, 06:53 AM

I agree with Atholk. I was so stupid to have trusted him so much & now looking back, I've been kicking myself over & over again. There were so many signs of him cheating but I trusted him with my life that I didn't even believe it even after I was told about it by a friend. And he lied and lied till the very end when he realized he would loose me for good, then he finally confessed. And looking back, it was an abrupt withdrawal from family life, it was not a gradual thing.

mommy2 · 11-30-2009, 03:08 PM

Perhaps this shows how "pathetic" our marriage had become but I didn't see any signs. Even looking back, he's behavior didn't change all that much. I mean, the PA had just begun and had been going on for a few weeks so maybe that was it. He was always home every night, every weekend, did things with the kids/me, etc. We fought practically daily but that had been the norm for a while. I can even tell you Events we went to and had fun at together.

Perhaps that's why it's been somewhat "easy" for us to begin rebuilding our marriage and rekindling our intimacy and romance. Have no idea??!!