Looking at escort sites--is he cheating?

Goodwoman · 12-10-2009, 07:30 PM

Original story is below. So he used some lame story about video vixens on VH1, and how in the documentary it talked about how the industry used the girls and then they became *****s on the internet. The zip codes and city search were to see if there were any near hear. OKAY, so somehow I'm supposed to believe that when the searches were for escorts, escorts in our city, and then escorts in our zip code, including clicking on companies that were on a map. REALLY?! He keeps trying to make the argument about everything but what it really is and how he's not going to tell me what I want to hear---okay I really don't want to hear that you're a selfish cheater with an obvious problem, but I feel that I am owed the truth--and he is not changing his story. And it's obviously not bothering him that I am upset, because he is still out doing whatever he wants and not dealing with it. I don't want to be a nag, but I don't want this swept under the rug.

Okay, so here's the deal. I was on his computer the other day using it to take a test, and when I went into google found that he had been searching for escorts in our area. I pulled up the history, and there were searches for our city and our zip code, and profiles of lots of women, but I didn't see where he had clicked on any of them to email them or anything. He says he didn't do anything. Do I believe him? Also, a year ago while he was working out of town, there were weird numbers in his phone that when I googled them, they were escorts on the same backpage site, but for the area where he was working. At that time, he said that he was letting someone else use his phone, and had just gotten it back from them, and didn't know who those people were. I eventually let it go, but now that I've found it here he was obviously lying back then too. Should I kick him out? This is really tearing me to pieces, but I don't think it's okay even if all he did was look.

DawnD · 12-10-2009, 07:53 PM

I think having a talk about boundaries is in order. You have to let him know how you feel about it, and let him voice what he feels too, without jumping on him as soon as he says anything.

My husband just recently told me that he likes to watch porn every now and again. I am shocked that we have been married for 7.5 years and he never told me this. Why didn't he? He thought I would be disgusted with him. I am actually a fan of some porn myself, he just never bothered to ask me to watch with him. Sometimes men have a fear that you will view them differently if they tell you what they actually want from you. Give him a chance to work it out with you is what I think.

Goodwoman · 12-11-2009, 03:07 AM

This is not the first time we've had this discussion, so I've already been there, done that, got the t-shirt. My thing is if you want to look at women, then you can randomly do that without looking up escorts. It is not necessary to look up people specifically in your city if all you're trying to do is look at some random naked chick. If he was on a regular porn site, that would not be as alarming for me.

cody5 · 12-11-2009, 09:35 AM

He may not have done it, but he is DEFINITELY thinking about it. It's a big jump for most people, I would think, to actually pull the trigger on it. I'm not sure he DIDN'T, but he's surely thinking about it, and that should at least be enough to throw down the gauntlet and put the fear of god in him.

cowboyfan · 12-11-2009, 10:21 AM

I don't buy the 'someone else used my phone' thing, and the fact that it's the same site you found on his computer pretty much supports your doubt. I agree with the above posters, let him know your frustration with him is his dishonesty and that until he tells the truth you won't have closure. Just be prepared, what he reveals (IF he reveals) is likely to be hurtful. Good luck.