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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-25-2013, 02:13 PM   #301 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

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Originally Posted by Wazza View Post
.. I am damn certain she is remorseful for what she did now.
I hope all who are trying to R can say this at some point.
signed: Forever Suspicious.
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Old 09-25-2013, 02:22 PM   #302 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

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I hope all who are trying to R can say this at some point.
signed: Forever Suspicious.
The two are not incompatible. There will always (I think) be some suspicion. Sure she is remorseful now, but she still did what she did.

If I changed partners I would doubt the new one too. We all have a past, we are all fallible.

So it's a case if living alone or managing the risk.
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Old 07-21-2014, 01:32 PM   #303 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

I can not help to wonder, what has happened with you?, you keep visiting TAM but you never post, did your husband gave you a second chance?
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Old 07-21-2014, 03:01 PM   #304 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

As said many times here, you deserve nothing. A chance to R is a gift from your H. Revocable at any time for any reason. Even after fully back together, he'll never trust you like he did.

You killed what was your marriage. What you want is a return to the good old days of innocence. Understand you destroyed this. It will never return.

Matt is guilty of his acts too. But, Matt did not make or break any vows with your H, you did. You own this and you alone. Matt is not to blame for your decisions and actions. Only you. Did he friend you and say all the right things? Sure, but you acted on it instead of establishing bullet-proof boundaries your H would have been proud of.

It's boundaries that keep the evils of the world away from your marriage. For whatever the reason, you decided to bring a toxic poison Into your family. Your H response is to reject toxins.

Your H might gift you an R, but also may not.

If he offers R, you must cherish that gift like none other in your life. You will forever have a stain on yourself in the image of an "A". In R or D. It will never go away.

Earn his trust in the new marriage and relationship if he Rs. This is his decision alone.

You must have NC forever with Dear Matt. You must look at your actions through your H eyes, not yours. Never be in a situation even remotely like what you've done.

Last edited by Q tip; 07-21-2014 at 03:21 PM.
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Old 07-21-2014, 03:49 PM   #305 (permalink)
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Well we both have invested a lot in this marriage. I know that deep down, as much as he thinks he hates me, I know he still loves me. We have kids and a home together. That should be worth something. I've been open and submissive about everything. I don't see how he can walk away from us without at least giving me another chance, at least for his kids sake.
Once you see how he can walk away, the sooner you'll understand what you've done to him and your marriage.
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Old 07-21-2014, 03:53 PM   #306 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

This thread. This is the one where the OP AND her husband took a dump on their marriage. No one wanted to touch the fact that the "BH" (in reality, a WH) got too close to a female coworker, had his phone glued to his hand/side nonstop and he then played the jealous/insecure/controlling card on WW who was suffering thru depression prior to her affair with his friend.

IMHO, I hope they reconciled because I think they deserve each other. The sad thing is the BH probably has no clue what an EA is, so he thought he wasn't doing anything wrong.
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Old 07-21-2014, 04:40 PM   #307 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

There is nothing lower in this world then spouses that cheat of their spouse with their best friend/sibling, talk about the breakdown in trust. there is no R with that...i am frankly glad your husband walked out. Move on he will be.
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Old 07-21-2014, 05:02 PM   #308 (permalink)
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Old 07-21-2014, 05:04 PM   #309 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

This thread is a great example of wayward mentality "unfiltered".

If this is OP while she is remorseful and submissive, everyday life with her would be about as fun as hooking your scrotum to a car battery.
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Old 07-21-2014, 07:03 PM   #310 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

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Yes it's very hard. What I meant about that comment was that I didn't realize what effect this would have on my marriage. I was just caught up in the emotions and feeling good and wanted at the time. I've always had self esteem issues but that's still no excuse for what happened.

The cheater's selfish high. "Give me attention and compliments, and I'll do whatever you want."

Why do people like this get married?
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Old 07-21-2014, 11:10 PM   #311 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

Remarkable thread this, remember it.

Wayward who knows she's done wrong but could never get past the feeling that somewhere it wasn't all THAT bad. You could sense she wanted to correct herself but still could not quite understand what all the fuss was about

When the "don't be too hard on the waywards" posse turn up this is the kind of thread I'd love as a sticky - no-one really gave her any real sh!t but you can see that giving her a real hard time was the only way of ever pulling her into reality.

If she does lurk it would be nice to be wrong about her and hear a good progress to it all

....somehow though I doubt it
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Old 07-21-2014, 11:27 PM   #312 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

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Originally Posted by Plan 9 from OS View Post
This is the one where the OP AND her husband took a dump on their marriage. No one wanted to touch the fact that the "BH" (in reality, a WH) got too close to a female coworker, had his phone glued to his hand/side nonstop and he then played the jealous/insecure/controlling card on WW who was suffering thru depression prior to her affair with his friend.
Haven't read through the entire thread yet... did OP ever find out whether or not her husband was actually cheating on her?

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If she does lurk it would be nice to be wrong about her and hear a good progress to it all

....somehow though I doubt it
manticore called it... the last activity registered to OP's account appears to have occurred on 7/4/14.
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Old 07-21-2014, 11:45 PM   #313 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

Please, they were both WS
He had EA (no PA that we know of) and she had PA.

His wife was depressed and instead of paying attention to her he found a new interesting trouble-free coworker to "innocently" chat with. Texting all the time and kept his phone close to him, if that's not a strong sign of EA then i don't know what else

She had PA because someone else paid attention to her (still not an excuse). Now that he had legal excuse to bolt he used it well

I'm not excusing her behavior but i know what it's like to be in her shoes. When stbxh started to text OW i was practically a ghost in the house. Well not a ghost, but a maid and babysitter. I cleaned the house,took care of the kids,washed his clothes,cooked the meal and that's it. He didn't even give me a peck at the cheek or notice my hair color change (wasn't a subtle one, blonde to red). Thank you or compliment ? Haha, none of that. I was sinking into depression while he sunk to OW's vagina

Before i found out that he had PA i met a friend and he was there for me.Stbxh noticed and didn't care one bit ! We talked a lot but one evening when we were in a car and he put his hand on my thigh i knew i had to stop talking to him. Thank God my brain was still working. I guess i'm just not "caught up in the moment" kind of person, that's just weak
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Old 07-21-2014, 11:53 PM   #314 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry

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Please, they were both WS
He had EA (no PA that we know of) and she had PA.

His wife was depressed and instead of paying attention to her he found a new interesting trouble-free coworker to "innocently" chat with. Texting all the time and kept his phone close to him, if that's not a strong sign of EA then i don't know what else

She had PA because someone else paid attention to her (still not an excuse). Now that he had legal excuse to bolt he used it well

I'm not excusing her behavior but i know what it's like to be in her shoes.
So does that then kind of er......... "excuse your behavior" ?


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When stbxh started to text OW i was practically a ghost in the house. Well not a ghost, but a maid and babysitter. I cleaned the house,took care of the kids,washed his clothes,cooked the meal and that's it. He didn't even give me a peck at the cheek or notice my hair color change (wasn't a subtle one, blonde to red). Thank you or compliment ? Haha, none of that. I was sinking into depression while he sunk to OW's vagina

Before i found out that he had PA i met a friend and he was there for me.Stbxh noticed and didn't care one bit ! We talked a lot but one evening when we were in a car and he put his hand on my thigh i knew i had to stop talking to him. Thank God my brain was still working. I guess i'm just not "caught up in the moment" kind of person, that's just weak
Looks like that this is going down the "unmet needs" route that seems to be a buzzword on TAM at the moment
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Old 07-22-2014, 12:10 AM   #315 (permalink)
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So does that then kind of er......... "excuse your behavior" ?


Looks like that this is going down the "unmet needs" route that seems to be a buzzword on TAM at the moment
No, definitely not an excuse. What she did was wrong, it was her choice 100%. I just wanted to describe her situation pre-PA with more clarity.

It depends on each person, to me if there's unmet need then the spouse have two choices, speak up or shut up. I did speak up but he didn't care and called me needy, told me that he was too busy with his VP gig when instead he had all the time for OW. After that car thing i apologized for talking to him too much and told stbxh but again he didn't care, he was texting and didn't even meet my eyes. He was in the beginning of PA at the time, the hopium was too strong
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