fatherof3

Long story short, married 14 yrs, wife cheated, one month till divorce.

So dating has been fine, i have been out with a few women and it went well. I seem to have settled down a little with one woman who is great.
We have a great time together and she treats me very well...
The problem: My ex was a constant looker when we would go out. Staring at men, and being a little flirty...
My new gf and i were out this weekend at a rest\bar.
I had to leave the bar to take a phone call outside, when i returned she was in a conversation at the bar with some stranger. That didn't bother me, but i began to notice alot of staring between the two of them, and it really brought back some old memories. Has anyone else been through something like this. Am i crazy or just insecure. I know what i saw and i beleive what i saw. She denied it and was supportive.
My point being, i don't need attention from anyone when i'm with someone, is it impossible to find a woman who feels the same? Reading what i just wrote i feel like a freak or something but i got some good feedback when i was going through my divorce from this site.

artieb

Maybe you should tell her that after what happened with your wife, you're a little sensitive to the presence of other men. You know it's a bit irrational, and you know it sounds territorial, but you hope that she can understand your situation.

Offer that if she has any particular sore spots in her emotional framework as a result of past experience, you'll be as careful of them as you can.

Blanca

You are insecure. you're going to have to deal with that. being away from the source of the problem doesnt absolve you of the consequences, unfortunately.

wether or not that girl was really checking out another guy doesnt really matter. the point is that just the fact that she looked brought back the memories of your ex, and therefore all the feelings with it. the situation was no longer about that girl- it was about you and your past issues. its going to be that way for awhile.

its good that you talked about it, though. you'll have to keep going through it, keep reliving the past, keep talking about it, and keep sorting out your feelings until you feel at peace with your past and the feelings it brings. these women will be proxy for you to work through your issues.

__________________

fatherof3

Thanks for the input. I am lucky to have someone who is understanding, and she understands that i'm work in progress.
I really had no idea how much that bothered me, I am really shocked how my past experience with my ex has affected me.
I just hope i don't give up on relationships. Sometimes it feels like to much work. Trusting someone again is really tough.

Blanca

i think in the beginning, we're all understanding of each other's short falls. its three years later that the resentments start to come out.

__________________