How Soon Should Kids Be Involved?

katharina · 06-29-2007, 09:56 AM

If you have fairly young children and have been dating, how long do you date the person generally before involving the children? I know it's terrible for them to get attached if the relationship isn't going to work out.

MrsLV · 07-03-2007, 10:19 AM

I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.

SageMother · 07-03-2007, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLV

I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.

I agree with this timing. There's no point in complicating things until there is a commitment.

Twineball · 12-08-2007, 10:50 AM

I have a friend who was a single dad, his boy was about six. When he would date, he would make sure that the women knew up front he had a son. The boy would also meet the women, and as time passed and when the time was right, my friend asked his son's permission to propose to his girlfriend. The boy really liked the woman and now they have been a happy family for a couple years.

I think it's possible for kids to meet and get a sense of people without getting attached. Plus, if the child absolutely does NOT get along with the other person, there's no point in going on. Because when it comes down to it, the child is more important.

draconis · 12-08-2007, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twineball

I have a friend who was a single dad, his boy was about six. When he would date, he would make sure that the women knew up front he had a son. The boy would also meet the women, and as time passed and when the time was right, my friend asked his son's permission to propose to his girlfriend. The boy really liked the woman and now they have been a happy family for a couple years.

I think it's possible for kids to meet and get a sense of people without getting attached. Plus, if the child absolutely does NOT get along with the other person, there's no point in going on. Because when it comes down to it, the child is more important.

I agree that situation happened to me almost exactly the way it happened to your friend.

draconis

tater03 · 12-09-2007, 11:44 AM

I have a brother in law the tends to date women that have kids and he is always getting attached and when they break up the kids and him are hurt. I have to say that until the relationship turns series and you are planning a future together then is when you should involve the kids more.

Twineball · 12-10-2007, 12:29 PM

You can definitely have the kids be somewhat involved without introducing situations that will cause bonding between the child and the other adult. I think as long as the parent is up front with the child, explaining as best as they can what the situation is, and is very careful that the child not become too attached, it can be worked out.

It takes a lot of work, but that's part of having a child, I think. And I can't stress enough that the child's welfare is the most important factor in this situation.

Tag · 12-22-2007, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLV

I would say only introduce the children if you plan a future with that person, and have a ring on your finger and a date set. If not, date the person but don't let them date your kids. My kids have been hurt in the past from being attached to my ex's, and it's just not worth it.

I agree. Only if you're sure to marry that person, get the kids involved. It's really difficult & heartbreaking for kids to see someoe who they thought might be a part of their life dissapear suddenly.

draconis · 12-22-2007, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tag

I agree. Only if you're sure to marry that person, get the kids involved. It's really difficult & heartbreaking for kids to see someoe who they thought might be a part of their life dissapear suddenly.

This is specially true in todays society when we assign names like "daddy" to the new individual.

draconis

Liza · 03-21-2008, 04:18 PM

This I think is a personal decision but I would wait until I feel there is some amount of future, no sense have a dozen "uncle" for the kids, who just turned out to be a few dates.