Can you date....

trick-r-treat · 07-27-2007, 10:23 AM

Can you actually date someone without wondering, "Is this the one? Is this my future husband/wife?" I have to admit that I think these types of things on a date. Is there a such thing as a simple date where these thoughts don't come into play?

JustMe · 07-30-2007, 07:47 PM

I think it's possible if you're NOT looking for "the one" alot of people are perfectly happy just dating someone, or multiple people without looking for marriage. But if your ultimate goal is to find a mate for life (even if it's not for years down the road) then you're probably always going to wonder if "this one's the one" I sure did!

mamab · 08-05-2007, 08:38 PM

When I "found" my husband, I really wasn't looking for a relationship. He wasn't everything I ever wanted in a spouse. In fact, he was just the opposite. However, as I got to know him more, we kind of "fit." We've been together almost 21 years, now.

MrsLV · 08-13-2007, 06:31 AM

When I met my husband and we first began "talking", I told him what I was looking for in a man and one of those things was marriage. I no longer wanted to get exhausted in the whole 'dating' thing, and had learned that within the first week of talking to all of my previous boyfriends, everything I needed to know I knew-except for the things that they didn't offer upfront and I failed to ask about. This time I asked all the questions that I needed to ask, and so did he. We talked for a week, went out on two 'hangout' dates, and within that next week, he proposed and I said yes. One month later we were married, and last week we had our 1 month anniversary. So I suppose I went in making sure he was husband material, because i've dated TOO MUCH in the past , so dating was over-rated for me. And the fact that i'm 34, I wanted to go ahead and work on the "rest of our lives" part of relationships.
It's been lovely. We are very close. We are very much in love. I suppose a great deal of it was because we went into the relationship already knowing that we weren't seeking dates, but life partners. So everything we put into the relationship was based on that goal (family merging, budgeting, lifestyle actions and plans, rules, faith and church attendance, career goals, etc). It was like doing a 24/7 course of "how to live life", and for the month that we studied our life, we took this very seriously. By the time we went to the reverand for our pre-marital counseling session (we had to have a least one, since this would be a rush wedding), the reverand said he's not met too many couples that knew each other as well as we did, and he could tell we were right for each other and would make it, so he aggreed to marry us.
Why the rush? Why not! Life is too short. We're both 34, so I figure if we're lucky, we'll have at least forty years together. Each year that passes by would be one less. And when I think of all the past "long term" relationships that I had that went absolutly NO WHERE, it makes me mad that I WAISTED all that time...but then again, I suppose those past experiences made me who I am.
Wanna know the funniest thing? We met at the public transportation railway-by chance he said hello and asked me for my number, and though I don't normally give out my number, I took a chance after hesitating for a bit until he said "you nevr know, you may be walking away from your future if you don't give me your number"....so I guess he had me at "hello".

mamab · 08-14-2007, 01:08 PM

That's pretty interesting. I became friends with my husband prior to our starting to date, so I already knew a lot about him. I hope that you have those 40 years, and more. Thanks for sharing your story.

katharina · 08-16-2007, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsLV

Wanna know the funniest thing? We met at the public transportation railway-by chance he said hello and asked me for my number, and though I don't normally give out my number, I took a chance after hesitating for a bit until he said "you nevr know, you may be walking away from your future if you don't give me your number"....so I guess he had me at "hello".

Great story! Can't say I've ever heard of anyone using that line before,

but congratulations that it worked so well for you!

MrsLV · 08-21-2007, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamab

That's pretty interesting. I became friends with my husband prior to our starting to date, so I already knew a lot about him. I hope that you have those 40 years, and more. Thanks for sharing your story.

Thanks...so far so good!

annerz · 12-26-2007, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trick-r-treat

Can you actually date someone without wondering, "Is this the one? Is this my future husband/wife?" I have to admit that I think these types of things on a date. Is there a such thing as a simple date where these thoughts don't come into play?

a lot of times, i tend to forget all these.
especially when im blown away with infatuations and all. haha!
but i'll get to remember this in the long run.
and this is where the frustrations come in. hehe

draconis · 12-26-2007, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trick-r-treat

Can you actually date someone without wondering, "Is this the one? Is this my future husband/wife?" I have to admit that I think these types of things on a date. Is there a such thing as a simple date where these thoughts don't come into play?

After I divorced from my first wife I really didn't want anything serious just someone to go date with. After a while I met my current wife. I think because of the way I appoached it made it better because there wasn't a want to find that perfect someone so there was less pressure.

draconis

berlinlife06 · 01-04-2008, 07:21 AM

I actually never consider someone to be "the one". I don´t believe there´s only one person for each. Life changes and so do we. Sometimes we are lucky enough to have a partner that changes with us, but many times that doesn´t happen. So, I love deeply my girlfriend of 5 years, but she is not my first love, and I don´t know now if there will be someone else later in my life.

brdwaybeauty · 07-10-2008, 04:12 PM

Well dates like those means that you probably just want to hook up. When you actually start thinking about wanting to be with that person for life, you are heading down the right direction for a relationship because if you are in a relationship you have to assume that it is going to lead somewhere. other than that you might as well just have meaningless flings