I agree with paying for the meal...and if she seems reluctant, I also think letting her pick up the tip is a good idea if she feels awkward about you paying.
So I had lunch with this girl and it went well, but of course, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND ALREADY! AHHH! I swear, all the good girls are taken. This probably explains why she was hesitant to get back to my lunch invitation. Other than that, she is a really great catch. Very beautiful, educated, adventurous, and nothing holds her back. I like that in her. But again, she's already taken.
Back to the drawing board
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That's a little frustrating that she didn't say that prior to accepting your invitation! Oh well, the search continues. Not all the good ones are taken. A good one usually happens on your path when you're not even looking.
A good one usually happens on your path when you're not even looking.
Maybe that's the reason. I've always been ready for a relationship, and starting a family, ever since I finished college and landed a good job. I'm not desperate, but I want to keep my eyes open for someone. Maybe I'm trying too hard? Maybe it's time to close my eyes????
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I make over four figures a year!
I'd vote for doing what you're doing and keep putting yourself out there...you'll take some hits (like this one finding out she's taken) but in the process you will learn more about what you want in a woman and you never know...boyfriends don't always last forever so as long as you are a good friend they might circle back around if they are suddenly single again.
What I found when I was single (divorced single mom of 3) was that being a full-time mom and working full-time I really had to make an effort to put myself out there...not that I was trolling for a new husband but in normal situations, out at the gym, the bookstore, etc. to take notice of people around me, start small chats with people, etc. I was looking more just to talk to 'grown-ups' (men or women) but those are the times where you may not even be looking and something happens.
Yeah. Don't let this one obstacle get you down. She's taken and she didn't even reject you! Like Swedish said, just continue mingling with people and making new friends. The best relationships start with friendship. Go to places that interest you. You know, things that coincide with your interests and hobbies. Then, you have a great chance of meeting someone who's compatable (sp? ).
Thanks for the tips! I have to admit that as I'm getting older, I am finding that the pool of single women will be shrinking. I'm turning 28 next month, but I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I'm in my 30's! I know men can have children until the day they die, but I've put an age limit of 35 on myself. It just wouldn't be healthy to start a family after the age of 35. I've even considered adoption if nothing happens by the time I'm 34-years old. So in a sense I have a time limit. I knew I should have tried harder to meet women in college instead of focusing on my studies.
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I make over four figures a year!
I admit I am really inexperienced in dating, but from what I have read online, and from my personal experience, it always seems that once you're on her friend's list, that's where you remain. I was taught that you have to nab the girl early and show her you are interested, else you get put on the friend's ladder. Isn't this true? Again, that has been my experience. Why buy the cow when the milk is free, right? She can get all the emotional support, handyman support, and psychological support, from a friend without giving sex or getting into commitments. In other words, she can still freely roam around with other men physically while the poor male friend is providing the inner needs.
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I make over four figures a year!
I'm just saying that the physical aspects can't be the sole basis of your relationship. I mean, yeah, attraction is great, but there has to be something of depth there. You'd know the difference if a woman solely wanted your friendship vs. someone who desired more. If you make a few friends along the way, have you lost anything? Worst case scenario, you learn more about how women think and learn to relate to them even better. If they start becoming needy or clingy, just cut back on time spent with them. There's no use wasting time investing in something that won't happen. I
All I'm saying is, ask ANY woman if friendship with her husband is important to her and you'll very rarely receive a "no". You meet those emotional needs and that's half the battle.
You'd know the difference if a woman solely wanted your friendship vs. someone who desired more.
Unfortunately I cannot tell. I have had a lot of interest with female friends before, only to have it turn out to be only a friendship when I genuinely felt and thought that she wanted more. It's an ugly feeling, and happens to me frequently. You know, the typical line, "You're such a great guy! You're smart, handy, and a great listener! But I only see you as a friend. You'd be great for someone else." Sadly I end up feeling hurt and distancing myself and losing the female friend. I'm actually going through that right now, and this one female friend of mine wants to still be friends and asking me what she can do so that we can be good friends again. Basically I told her to leave me alone.
Either I am continually doing something wrong, or I just cannot read woman. It's probably a combination of both! I just wonder when I am going to understand all of this.
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I make over four figures a year!
Last edited by cheewagacheewaga; 09-26-2008 at 11:34 AM.
I would just like to add the MEN ARE JUST AS CONFUSING!!!!
I have to say that a couple of the guys I dated (including the one I married) started out as friends...and grew into something more. But I have also had the guy friend that wanted to be more that I wasnt interested in that way as well and I have had to be the one that said "Sorry I dont feel that way about you" and BELIEVE me that is a really hard thing to say ESPECIALLY to someone that is important to you and you value as a person/friend.
I have recently started back into the dating pool. (Im sure some here will judge me saying its too soon, but hey I am 30 years old and Im not going to sit around lonely every night and Im not looking to jump right back into a marriage) The dating pool is hard! No offense to any Men here but damn its seems like all most men want in my age range is just a romp in the sack. I am all for sex and I firmly believe you need to test drive the car before you buy it but ummm hello not on the first date!!! And why is it that most guys all know the right things to say to make your THINK they are a nice guy not just looking for sex when in fact their plan all along is to convince you of their niceness so they can talk you right out of your pants! I met one guy told me he was single blah blah blah....turns out he has a live in GF who is 3 months PREGO!!! What is wrong with people!
Ok sorry for the hijack of your thread...but MEN ARE CONFUSING TOO!!!
Unfortunately, dating is trial and error. Maybe this forum will help you get into the "heads" of women a little better. After knowing my husband so long, it's helped me to understand his thought processes a little more. When you have questions, post it on here. You're sure to get some insight!!!
stumped - I think men are just playing you and you are falling for their games. You can only blame yourself for jumping the gun too early and falling for it. You gotta weed out the bad guys from the good guys, and that takes time to get to know someone. Now of course, once you meet that genuine nice guy who really wants more than just sex, you'll just find him valuable only as a friend.
mommy22 - I hope I can get some insight on women's thoughts and reasons for liking a man. There are other factors, which I think, are against me in terms of statistics in finding the right woman. And some of those factors are things I cannot change, like my race, expectations on me, and stereotypes against me.
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I make over four figures a year!
Re: Argghh! Women are so confusing!
