MarkTwain

Be flirty with her, and look at her like you desire her - if you do. If you don't, then don't bother trying to force it, just be friends. One day you will meet someone who presses your HOT button. Then you will know what to do.

cheewagacheewaga

Well I'm back from my brunch date. I now feel more confused. She did joke and say that she was a bad "brunch date" because she couldn't finish her food. Other than that, we joked and talked as usual and we walked around the shopping block. She then gave me a hug good bye. I've seen her give hugs to everyone so I don't feel any special about this.

I also did discover that she is just a touchy-feely person in general, and all the touching she does on me is no more different than someone else. We talked to a stranger about the economy and the stranger cracked a joke. My brunch date then immediately grabbed the stranger's arm and laughed.

So, I'm back to square one, which is to continue finding someone who would be a good fit for me. This one seemed like a good fit for me, but unfortunately it'll take about 100 other females like her for me to find one that is interested in me.

__________________
I make over four figures a year!

Honey

Oh, stop having that attitude, dude. People can pick up how you are feeling about yourself, dude. You should be more funny too, and worry less about what others think of you. Sometimes when you act this way, things happen to you in a good way.

draconis

What is so wrong with this one...one date with a nice girl that is an outgoing person and you are willing to call it quits?

draconis

__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973

Ashley

Oh, 100, oh i see.. keep waiting dude, by the time you reach the number 100 you will be 2 to 500 years old yourself.

To be true, the way you are talking, it will be best for her not to be with you, i mean.. do you actualy read what you wrote there?
Can you imagine how she will feel if she was to read that!?

and think of what you are for thinking that way of her?
Now try to reverse the state, and imagine it was her talking about you that way.. ow! now, do you get it?

You are being arrogant and putting yourself like being over all the rest, and at the same time drowning in selfpity in such a degree that it is to throw.
What are your problem exactly?
you got dated by 2 super looking girls who both work where you do, and then got a date with the one you are most interested into.
And what you do from there? you decide to trash her because all went very fine, and she is exactly the kind you would like to have.

Its not a date you need, but a shrink.
Stop overanalysing things and people, and be more direct, doing things out of your heart and out of an immediat feelings.
you are losing your life in being cautious.

you are what is call a defaitiste, meaning someone who is so pessimist that he will see something bad no matter how good things are.
And the truth is that you enjoy that state totaly and thats why you keep it that way.
You expect things to go bad and expect it so much that when they go fine and they always do, you are deeply disapointed, and htats what i read in your psot above: your deep disapointment in seeing that things went so greate,a nd thats why oyu want to drop her! LOL

If she had kissed you, you will have say she went too far too fast, and was an easy girl, and ask us why she did it, and found all kind of reasons to suspect her and trash her.
Hej, your the guy, its at you to initiate and not her all the time.
Did you gave he another date?
I dont know what the two of you talk about, but if your way of viewing things show in the way you talk to her, then, poor poor girl!

Thats not your look you need to do something about, but the inside, your way to see the world.

cheewagacheewaga

Yes. I wasn't seeing or feeling any interest on her end.

Yes
I don't see why she would get offended about what I wrote if she were to read this. She IS a touchy-feely person. She DOES like giving everyone hugs.

I would not get offended if she said I was a touchy-feely person or that I liked giving people hugs. How could that be offensive?

I don't see how I am being arrogant or drowning in self pity. All I said was that I don't see that she's interested and that I need to continue my quest in finding someone who will show interest in me, and that it's not going to be easy since there are some factors against me. My problems, in terms of dating, is that I do not make that much money and have bad skin problems, as well as being a minority stuck in a culture that I can never fully adjust to. It's a tough one to overcome, but I'm not giving up on dating or trying to make a better life for myself in the U.S.

"Trash" is an excessive word. She is a great person and we would be a good fit, but again, I didn't see or sense any bit of attraction from her end. It just felt like 2 friends going to grab brunch. So in that sense, I am basically changing my mode of intention to just being friends and leaving it at that. I won't actively make any effort to go beyond that friendship level.


I don't find over analyzing a negative. This pertains to my job and I was brought up to think, think, and think by my parents. In fact, it's because of the way that I think that I was able to save my group a lot of money and get myself a promotion. I love the fact that I can spot disaster and problems a mile away. People come to me for problem solving and solutions. I find that to be my strongest point! And no, I do not believe in trusting or acting on my emotions and feelings because they lead to irrational behaviors and actions. If I'm going to do something, I need to know I am 100% confident in the preparation and outcome.

Everyone has different standards of things going "fine". In my perspective, this brunch date didn't go as I hoped. Yes, I am disappointed in this brunch date, but I would not say I take pleasure out of the disappointment. I was looking forward to this brunch date with her and wanted to see some form of interest as more than friends on her end.

If she would have kissed me, then I would be celebrating! I would ask her out again if I felt and seen some form of attraction to me. Since I'm not seeing that, there's no point in going forward.

Ashley, and others, I appreciate the honest criticism and points of views. It's always nice to see things from a different perspective.

__________________
I make over four figures a year!

Ashley

Thanks for your answer and now i see what your problem is.

you have to understand that you cannot apply logical thinking on emotional subject and that you have to rely a lot on your emotion and intuition to know if the girl is interested in you or not, and you also have to show interest in her in an emotional way for her to react.
she is a woman, not a robot..
A human without emotions is super stupid.. never heard of the emotional mind? and the emotional IQ?

you cant expect her to kiss you on a first date
she face the same dilema as you do, you are both work mate.. so if it has to come from someone it will be you , you are the man too, so its you you you on all level: you are her boss, you are the male, you are the one that invited her to that date.
You are new on the dating scene, and you better begin to change the way you do things since it never work in the past.
Your problem is that you are too cold and calculated.
Women can feel it a mile away.
Drop it.
Be more sensitive and more surprising, do unexpected things, say things as you feel them. Do something different. Conrolling butts are never cool in a date..
It is you who wants more and who wants it desperatly, you have to invite her out again and should have grib the chance .
All you did was waiting for something to happen. And guess what? HER TOO!
Women wait for THE WORD to fal from your mouth, for the gesture that will mean something, like you taking her hand, or putting your hand on hers, or doing something to show interestin her.
ut it has to come form your heart and not form yoru brain! It has tobe a feeling you have , a feelign of love for her. If oyu do not love her and do not have any feeling of love for her then why did you dated her?
Physical touching have different meaning and its not cause she grab the arm of that stranger laughing that it mean the same when she grabs yours.
Women are good at concealing things, so with you only using mr eisntein to read her you will have see NOTHING at all.
Teach yourself to let go, take some weed if you have to.

what if her too was deeply disapointed because thus you invited her it turns out all being friends friends and she had expected the whole world.. from YOU!
think over that..
but you will never know since you were so detached fom your feelings.
Another thing, good that it partain to your job to think and analyse stuff, but dating is not part of your work, and you are not at work while dating.
So leave it home, and put in your dating-suite of sweetness and of emotion, when you go out on a date.
Invite her again and try that.
Bring roses this time.
Break the ice.

All you risk is getting kissed by the woman you wish it the most from!


PS: what minority are you?


(Ps if you know someone from latin america or Argentina, ask them for some tips, they got no problem datying girls, they were born with the compleete software. )

cheewagacheewaga

Perhaps that has been my pitfalls in that I do not want to get too emotional or show that side of me. I just see so many people make mistakes by trusting their emotions and feelings. Ideally I would like to mentally and logically connect with a woman, and then let the emotions come through. It seems that this is not how women work, or attraction for that matter.


Well, I wouldn't say that would make an individual stupid, per se, but I do agree that an individual needs to have a well balanced intelligence in as many areas as he or she can get.

Why not? Some women sleep with a guy on the first date.

I agree, to an extent. Whatever I have been doing has not worked... AT ALL!
Ouch! How am I being cold and calculated?

I see what you are saying. When I was with her this morning on the brunch date, I did want to put my hands around her waist or just touch her back as we were walking around, but I did not want to touch her for fear of rejection or sexual harassment. I was also a little nervous and was trying to think of things to make the conversation interesting and funny. Of course, most of the stuff I said did not come out correctly so things probably backfired.

I also got advice from a college professor a long time ago to do some weed to help loosen myself up, however, I will never smoke. Alcohol, sure, but no smoking for me. It's disgusting.

Good point about dating and work being separate. I just pride myself on my thinking and analyzing skills since it has gotten me through many problems in school and life. I figure I could use the same skills to solve my dating dilemma. I just don't like relying on my emotions to guide me since I may do something stupid. Assuming that's how attraction operates, I will have to change.

Japanese. Very traditional.


I don't know any latin American or Argentina guys.

__________________
I make over four figures a year!

Ashley

[QUOTE=cheewagacheewaga;23239]Perhaps that has been my pitfalls in that I do not want to get too emotional or show that side of me. I just see so many people make mistakes by trusting their emotions and feelings. Ideally I would like to mentally and logically connect with a woman, and then let the emotions come through. It seems that this is not how women work, or attraction for that matter.

Its not how men work either..
youc ant separate the logial form the emotional . Not matter how ratioanl you think oyu are emotions will color it one way or another. In tyour case it colors it all since you are rational for fear of rejections.. meanign you act totaly out of a fear you have deep rooted in you and let your fears control your actiosn and your thoughts.. meaning all your "rational" thouhts. To be honst what you do is irrational.. but you will first see that later on, once you will have go over the stage you are in now in oyur life.

Well, I wouldn't say that would make an individual stupid, per se, but I do agree that an individual needs to have a well balanced intelligence in as many areas as he or she can get.

oh yes it does.. never heard of the genius who couldnt lace his shoes? thats cuase they were compeltely lacking emotional intelligence.. Really intelligent people have a very high emotional IQ. Not for nothigng that they have totaly remade the tests.. Emotions are not a shame or a silly thing that can be ignored. Its emotion who decide how good you are in public and in relationships and in any social situation. If you are very good with emotions, and very good at sensing otehrs emotions and very sensible ot it, and very intuitiv, and nanlytical too then there is very little that you cannot do an you will be a perfect leader. If your emotional skills are low, you will be very porr in social situations and wont go very far.
We are emotional beings, more than intellectual.
The words are abotu 10% of the communication, so is the rational part: 10% of all wahts goign on in our life or even less. What really matters is the emotional, whats beneath the surface, in between words, in the eyes, the move, body language, thats what your mind register,a nd the smell. Not consciously but thats on that that we base all our expectatiosn and evaluation of all our encounters already after 10 minutes.
If oyu downsize the importance of it, you lose every chance to know wahts going on.
you might feel in control, but in reality you are in the dark and got absolutly no idea of what is going on.

Why not? Some women sleep with a guy on the first date.

exactly! And waht do mensay on that type of women? Oh they enjoy it a lot, but they will say of her "she is an easy girl" meaning a trash and that they will enver marry a girl who slept with htem on a first date. Polls have been made about that and all men or over 90% of them said that! And women knows it, and all women magz and internet site for women always warn them: Never sleep with the guy on your first date or you will never see him again or will ruin your chance to have a long term relationship with him! So there. Add to it that you are her boss and she know you form work, she will certainly dont do so with someone form work.. and risk getting a bad reputation as "the easy girl from XXX dptmt who sleep on first date"..


I agree, to an extent. Whatever I have been doing has not worked... AT ALL!

then, time to change. and found out why, really why, it didnt work, and man, its not your make up there is something wrong with. the problem is inside. Deep rooted inside you.

Ouch! How am I being cold and calculated?

how?! LOL! funy you ask, you said yourself you think things through and you NEVER act impulsivly, out of the feelings that you have on the moment. You wait, you think, you want to be sure, absolutly sure, 100% sure.. thats being calculated and cold! No place ever for any feelings! thats cold!
And beside, NOTHING is ever 100% sure in life..
you should know that by now.
And in relationships even less. You cant never know unless you tried, and even once married you cant be sure 100%.
You cant be 100 % sure of what this menu in that restaurant, that dish is going to taste, yet you got to take a plunge unless you want to starve..huh? right now you are making you starve in love, for FEAR to take the plunge..

Dont fear your fears, kill them all!



I see what you are saying. When I was with her this morning on the brunch date, I did want to put my hands around her waist or just touch her back as we were walking around, but I did not want to touch her for fear of rejection or sexual harassment. I was also a little nervous and was trying to think of things to make the conversation interesting and funny. Of course, most of the stuff I said did not come out correctly so things probably backfired.

Sexual harrassement? how? you were on date, dating, romantic one, not at work. You cna only be accused of sexual harrassement if oyu do htings at work agaisnt the person will and not while walking romanticaly after a brunch.. you gave yourself excuses to dont act on an impulse you had and that she had and that you could feel, but blinded oyu form it, for fear of.. your fears of rejections, ditto: you elt your life being dictated not by your mind and thoguths and logic, but by your fears exclusivly.
It is your fears who beat the drum of oyur life, and oyru fears who take you where they want by the noze ,a nsd your fear who decide where you are goign to go next and what to od and what not to do. meaning: you are never yoruself no matter where oyua re.
And how attractive is soemone who can never be himself and who is totaly submited and depending on his inner fears?
How free are you? Not at all.
You should have acted on that impulse and you should work on that and reject all yoru fears.
imagine your fears, draw them like 3 or 4 colone, big one, as big as your fears are, imagine those colone in front of you,a nd punch them, destroy them , imagine them breaking in small pieces and stamp them til there is only powder of them Repeat the exercise for a week. Vanquish your fears. And each time one of them resurface, imagine its column, and what you did wiht it and destroy it again. Free yourself from yoru fears! Thats an order! You will feel better and soon be able to overhear their messages. take her hand and put your arm aroudn her wrist in a very romantic way.
Dont try to sound interesting. If you dont know what to say and feel embarassed, tell ehr " I feel embarrassed i dont know what to say". Thats simple, natural, and charming! Smile at her. No need for ords, enjoy the silence, and the FEELINGS flowing between you two. Rediscover yoru body and the hability to feel and give place to your feeligns and to hers, and be with her like someone you love, not a task you have to conquer.


I also got advice from a college professor a long time ago to do some weed to help loosen myself up, however, I will never smoke. Alcohol, sure, but no smoking for me. It's disgusting.

WOW! if a college professor actualy advised you to do so, then you must have been so stiff that he took pity on you, cause i never heard of a profesor advising pupils to take drugs!

Then eat a cake make with weed. you will have a great fun, and it will help you to come back to you body and be more aware of your own feelings. Alcohl aint better and dont have the wished effect here. I am not encouraging you to take drugs, but just to try it as an experiment to know how it feel to loosen up. you are form Japan, try meditation and being in natural environemnt and listenign to all your senses. Thats also a way to reconnect with yourself without use of any drugs.
Also do sily things, be a child again. Do something extravagant once in a wile, awake the child that is in you and care for him.
That will do you a world of good. Use your imaginative and artistic powers to overcome fear, and reconquer yourself from the hands of fear..
Buy the book call "PRONOIA" the believe that the universe conspire to make your life as good as possible" LOL buy it, read it, let you be inspired by it and i promise you to have a good laguh but also a very amasing discovery and journey through something oyu never knew you were capable of.
i realy warmly recommend you to read that book, you need it a lot. It wil also give oyu an excellent subject of conversation in your future dates, and you are sure and certain to surprise the girl very positivly..


Good point about dating and work being separate. I just pride myself on my thinking and analyzing skills since it has gotten me through many problems in school and life. I figure I could use the same skills to solve my dating dilemma. I just don't like relying on my emotions to guide me since I may do something stupid. Assuming that's how attraction operates, I will have to change.

yes, very good desicion. Remember that when oyu have a case of broken heart no matter how oyu analyse it and try to understand it, it wil never change the state you are on: pain, deep pain.. brain cant heal heart. No matte rhow logicaly you tell yourself this i shouldnt feel for ehr, heart is stronger.

You learn much more in life through your heart than through your mind alone.
use intuitive thougths, instead, develop your intuition and focus on doing so willingly. Learn to relay on your 6th sense.
The most illogical solutions are the right ones. All greate discoveries in science were made through a totaly illogical thought, an eureka, an intuition. After long work, but nonetheway, the final strike has ALWAYS been for all major discoveries, the intuition. An intuitive thougth that nothing in the math prepared for, nor pointed at. But it was there, and once the intuition had told the guy that, then you cant se nothing but "that" througth all the math and all the work that was done up to then.. thats the beauty of intuition you see.. its magical, and so is life!

You said somethign genial! "for fear of beign stupid" hehehe you see, humans ahve always feared to look stupid, thatsw hy they make war, to dont lok stupid, to dont lose face to retaliate having lost it, to regain their honor.. they wil go to such length, even monkey dont like lookign stupid.. we wont ask the right qwuestion ot muma nd dad nor at school for fear of lookign stupid,. Only at 3-4 when we still arent aware of that concept, kids ask and ask and ask all sort of things, then it stop abruptly whne they turn 5-7 why? cause then they knwo about " for fear of looking stupid" they got their first meeting with it and the laughter of THE OTHERS !
Look stupid and dont care. Fear of looking stupid is not logical at all.. its a subjectiv notion.. and its another fear..

Trust your emotions! follow their lead. To dont trust your emotions is the same as not trusting yourself and denying yourself what you have as the most rich and beautifull part in you! You are rejecting from you what is alive and what makes you a human being! And why should you do that? who told you to do that and why? thats not logical at all.

Define lofgic define being human.
define being you.
Dont cut yourself form being you out of a far fetched idea of what you is supposed to be and feel .. be you.
The hardest thing to reach in life: being yourself fully and not just potentialy. Unleash the forces who are there latently sleeping in you, by being you totaly.




Japanese. Very traditional.

yes, i understand better now. Japan has a long tradition in forcing kids to cut off from their feelings and concentrate on being the best.. the very very best, and of striving more than living..
That explain. Well, time for you to cut off with the bad traditions and rekindle with the good ones..Its true that japan have no traditions at all as for how to court a lady.. But you will work it out, thats not a problem now that you know what the real problem is



I don't know any latin American or Argentina guys.

Doesnt matter, they will have taken the girl from you anyway,
Its cool that you are japaneese.
I know why you got a skin problem, thats cause you dont have sex.
Its hormonal as well. As soon as you will have a normal or very active sex life, that problem will be history.

So, what are you waiting for, hmm?..


I sincerely hope that all what i told you is helpfull to you, and that it contain all the solutions that you need right now.

Sayonara, my friend.

cheewagacheewaga

So last night, my brunch date texted me and thanked me for brunch and said she had fun. She also liked the little gag gift I got her. So I texted her tonight (monday) and asked if she would like to go out for a late night ice cream run on Wednesday. So far no response, and it's been about 3 hours ...

__________________
I make over four figures a year!

Ashley

øøø scuse me, but an ice cream? you aint teenage are you?

Since when people go out to eat an ice cream? Isnt it a bit thin?
I mean if what you want is to have a love affair and real relationship what are you waiting to take her to the skating place or to see a movie or a concert or take her to a restaurant, a real one, for a very romantic dinner so that there will be absolutly no doubt about what you really want.
Maybe she got her feelings and expectations squeezed and most certainly she waits for you to phone her, and not text her, about it and might have been waiting last night for your answer.. but you waited for the day after to contact her.. wrong!
That kind you say face to face, hey, would you like to have an ice cream wendesday.. ehm i dont know if its the trend in the city your on.. but an ice cream, i dont do that since i was 15.. LOL could be fun!

If she doesnt come i am on, its long ago i had an ice cream in California in late october

cheewagacheewaga

I trusted my gut and feelings and I felt like eating ice cream so I decided to see if she wants to come along. I did not know that it would be teenager-like. I am 28-years old and she is 26-years old.

She still hasn't gotten back to me so perhaps you are right about the ice cream outing. Did I blow it??

Update: So she finally texted me back and said that she had other plans (no surprise!). She didn't really suggest any other day so I'm going to assume the ice cream is a no-go. I just have this gut feeling that she isn't interested in me as a partner, only as a friend. And since you have been telling me to trust my gut, that is what I will go with. So basically I'm back in a circle.

__________________
I make over four figures a year!

Ashley

When you use your intuition you cant just do it like that specialy when you have been discarding it for the most of your life. It get tired of shouting at you and closed in and remain silence.

Listening to your intuition is an art and a science.

First of all you have to discard all white noise, like things you assume, and things you expect, and things you are used to, and FEARS!! They make a lot of noise in your head and disconnect you totaly from your heart. When ever something occur your heart know the answer, the question is to be able to can connect to it and to be able to listen the answer..and thats the tricky thing.. specialy if things are emotional or stressing.. cause then there will be a lot of white noise!
Too many radio waves being on at once!

I didnt knew you were so young cause you sounded stiff like one over the 40..

ok your 28 and she is 26, so ice cream aint bad, but it depend what city you are in and what status she had, what class of the society she is form.
Try art museum or disco instead. And this time take her by the wrist!

Also, go to the direct mode.
Meet her, talk to her tell her directly that you are interested in her in a romantic way and ask her if she is too.

we are not in middleage and we are not in "nobody talk about it its taboo" kind of world.

So drop the fears and drop the "slightly but not all" smoke signs, and jump to the direct approach.

You are young, her too, so give it a try.

Did you complimented on her hairs and her dress and eyes, when you had dinner with her?
if you keep the communciation too much as a meeting at work it aint going to work for her. "what a borring guy.."

Cut loose.

When she say she got other plans ask "Can i join? " and laugh and do it in voice, and not texting!
you can also ask her "is it because of last time? did i say something wrong?" So she know you are concerned and will give you a clear signal of it beign a go or not.
and why do you text he its monday didnt you see her at work today?

I know a guy who is like that and is sooooo borring, but beleive he is sexy and interesting as hell!
and he jump from meeting mode to "reading-loud-the-news-paper-" mode, to talking sexy/porn just like that. Not exactly a winner.
He talk about things like he was writing an article in a news paper about it. Meaning he could say it to anybody, its totaly unpersonal, and very weird. like he go to a concert, i ask him how it was, and he go describing me how he bike there and who was sitting at what café in what pants in what color, and who was smoking what, what cigar and all, and who was wearing sunglasses and what songs were sungen and the concert, hotdog and OLA! like some jounalist will write an article about it in a sunday newspaper where they got lots of place to fill and need someone to fill the blancks.. at the begining it was funny, I thought he was jokking, but fast i thougth "who the heck is this guy? cant he talk normal? why does he have to hide and pretend being someone else?"

Thats why i tell you say it as it is specially when she is that young. tell her you are scared it wont work and to do something wrong and that you will like so much to can have a meeting with her again and that you have problems at expressing your feelings for fear of rejection. Why not? you told us here so why not to her who knows you better?

It will make you looks very vulnerable and will make you very attractive to her...

It will be the first time you open the bag of candies and crimes, in your life, and you migth be surprised by the result.. it could be a catch, something she will certainly notice as special about you and will appreciate the REAL sharing.
you want a deep and serious relationship? Be deep and serious yourself. Not superficial and casual. Be as the thing you strive after.
From now on this is your new look: be yourself and dont hide anything.

Oh and for her saying no on wendesday, maybe its her washing day or she got her red.. did you thought of that?

Honey

It isn't the ice cream , dude. People are way to picky about who they date. Sad they do this, but they have to live and learn the hard way, that all the guys that they thought was all that..really wasn't to start with.

Ashley