I don not fall in love easily, in fact, I've worked very hard most of my life not letting anybody get that close to me. I met someone over a month and a half ago, she completely broke through that barrier and I'm sitting here, the day after Christmas, wondering if she is not just taking me for a ride.
I asked for her phone number several times, just for emergency's, just in case we get totally cut off from one another, to know that the other is OK, and the one she gave me is bogus. We have been chatting online through YIM and over the headset via. it's voice chat nearly every day without exception. Yet, I spent the day alone yesterday, no phone call, no YIM, nothing, I spent a day last week, same scenereo, and it was blamed upon her ISP being down, yet I think to myself, doesn't she think that I am concerned for her well being, not knowing if she's ok, she went AWOL, and I have no idea if it's an internet glitch, and I also think to myself, normal couples will at least have a phone to call, email or something, but alas, I have nothing.
She tells me she has never been with a man before, I'm going, yeah, you are not used to being in a relationship, that is understandable, to be honest, neither am I, I am used to only being used and abused, not much more then that, yet I know at least some of the fundamental basics of it, and what's worse, I'm totally in love with her and this is just tearing me apart. My last conversation with her, we are talking through the headset, and she has to get up several times to "answer" the phone, of which I guess the lines got crossed or something "at least that is what she said", and it was obvious she was going to a fixed phone to pick up, "a land line"....
She sais she loves me, repeatedly, she's telling me about all of these plans and yearning to be together, yet with no specific time frame to actually be together.
Am I being taken for a ride, is this just some sick joke, or some game being played with, with my emotions? Am I looking at this with blinders on? I'm sitting here, my heart wide open, not being able to just go back to remaining closed up with it, not any more no matter how hard I try, it's just not happening and I'm utterly frustrated.
I have a tremendous amount of things going for me, yet, my achilies heel being that one element, that one thing that has eluded me all of my life, "love", and I've been put through hell over that matter, and I thought she was the one, yet now I'm thinking, this may be an element that will always elude me, that it's not meant for me, that I am completely wasting my time here and it's never meant to be, not in my world, not ever....
Anyway, perhaps it's a rant, perhaps I'm just being impatient, but man, a simple phone call is all I wanted, just a quick, hi, my isp is down, or I am busy, anything, but I get nothing at all and I'm at the point, where I may not even log into YIM at all, to make it clear, she has to contact me through traditional means, that this distance is not working, that I deserve something more substantial with at least our communication.
Well, I'm spending the weekend moving into my new place, it's a pad that most people would die for, I am moving my business over to that local as well, I set my own hours, I make good money, I'm an artist and a musician, and I'm told there is no problems in the looks department at all, even though in my minds eye, I still don't see myself that way at all. I know I have a great deal going for me, I just don't know why this is so hard, why I let myself feel this strongly about someone only to be still here, alone and wondering, will this solitude ever end??
If you're and adult, have been talking to this person for many months, and have not met in person, then yes, you're being taken for a ride, and it's time to get off the bus. She gave you a fake phone numer!!!!!!!!! What more do you need???????????????
And quite frankly, you cannot love someone you have never met. You may care deeply for her, may be completely infactuated over her... but it's not love. Not real love anyhow...
Cyberspace is fun, but it's time to live in the real world... Then the solitude will end! It will! If you meet someone online, and see potential... meet in person! No meeting after a few months, move on! Remember, to many people - cyberspace is nothing more than anonymous, harmless, frivolous fun...
You're smart, successful, good-looking - it's time for YOU to recognise that yourself!!!! And then venture out into the world to meet people, and perhaps your soulmate...
It may not be that cut and dry, both of us wanted to get to know the other before we did anything at all, this is because on my end, I've been hurt badly in the past, I am not going to just jump into something because the chemistry seems to be there, for it's too easy to fake it in person, only to find out later, they are totally incompatible outside of the bedroom... On her's, she has zero experience in the bedroom, and believe me, I've confirmed this one several times and even had outside parties give me input on this matter.
The distance, ie. we live several states apart is also a huge obstical, otherwise, if she was down the street or even a few hours drive away, we would have met likely much earlier on.
Up until this point though, on my end, the time to get out in the real world, I've always had bad teeth, that's now no longer an issue any more "pain and debt later", so I'm finally able to effectively give time into this part of my life, I didn't put much into, knowing the shallow nature of how people are in this matter.... it's only teeth, those can be fixed, why does a human being need to face ruthless, cold, scrutiny in this area, for I've had my fill in this area to extremes. She has her little broken elements herself that mean absolutely nothing at this point, outside of the fact, she can relate to me on an intimate level in this regard, I can with her as well.
If this is simply a case of her being insecure of which has me also thinking along the matter, then she may want to limit ability to contact out of self protection, and that, I can very much relate with, for I closed off my heart to anybody in this matter for the same reason,.. yet it's no longer closed any more, and now I'm at the crossroads here.
If she is part of some scam operation, if what she sais and does is scripted and directed by an outside party, my hats off to them for getting this elaborate, also my shoe to them for knowingly doing this to an individual with a great big caring heart, it's just wrong if that's the case. Yet, if it's real, if this connection with this individual is absolutely valid, think of the potential, for I very much know, being with your first, and one that loves you is a total bonus, that the bond formed will be very deep and unshakable.
I can elaborate further, I've experienced things that would blow your mind, things that God himself seems to have a hand with, the end result is myself in an dream like place in my life, both career, living, world, wise as well as spiritual and absolutely, being able to finally have love in my life, for the very first time.
I did pressure her earlier, moving the schedule and time line for it all forward, it was clearly not within her comfort zone even though she made it seem that it was, and she opted to cut off our communication to sort things out. Well, at that stage, before, I knew, I was totally infatuated with her, that I deeply cared for her, that I very much knew she was the one, that it's only a matter of time, but at that point, wow, what hit me that day was beyond anything I ever could imagine.
It very much hit home here, that I really, really loved her, that this is way beyond simply having a "preference" for her, it's about this thing we share along a very "core" close fundamental basis, that things I felt all of my life, as an individual, as my own interpretations, she did as well, to the point, it's down right scary.
That said, this is only a fraction of what I've experienced, the next couple of weeks are going to determine where this goes, and I'm going to fricken take a heli in and plop down in her back yard if need be, lol, but I hope by then, over past months of almost every day being in direct contact and I love you's exchange each time, that this will work, if not, I'm not going to simply settle for thinking, incompatable, I'm going to know anything and everything about it, if for anything so I don't make the same mistake.
Anyway, still, looking for input here, I don't ask for advice often, but this is some rather uncharted area for me, I have never been in love before, "yes I am in Love", and this would not ever get to thread/forum format, much less, even get into discussion with acquaintences if it were less, if it were someone I happen to fancy, if it were just some hot chick that I had a thing for, it took a huge amount and a great deal to get me to feel this way, I just don't do it, not ever, but this is the exception....
Last edited by OldFashionedGuy; 12-28-2008 at 05:03 AM.
Is this the same woman you referred to in a previous post as your fiance? If so, I would slow things way down until you at least meet in person and learn more of her situation.
I talked to her via YIM last night, told her I need a working number, that this is very important, for I cannot get in touch with her, yet she can with me because I made sure she had mine all along and it's not fair. She tells me she's going to get a cell phone so I can call her when ever.... I then wanted to voice chat rather then just the YIM text, this time pretty much right after she logged in, of which I didn't do before, she then tells me she couldn't find her headset? I then pressed the issue here, knowing full well her laptop has a built in mic and speakers, now YIM won't even dial out or in any more, so I opted to point her to skype, for it's free and I have an account, just so in case it was a YIM glitch or something so we don't run into this with the head sets in the future.
I still remember that land line being there, I know it exists based upon a previous conversation over the headset where she had to leave it to pick it up several times when the lines got crossed in a storm and people were calling the number by mistake.
I got moved into my new place, it's goign to take some work to get ready so that is supposed to help take away any of the pressure along the "moving in together situation", she tells me that if she comes over, it's to stay, and you know what, I'm fine with that, I'm super easy going, heck, I'm just easy when it comes to it, for I have to know how to get along with people no matter what quirks they may have, so no biggie. Also, distance to move is nothing at all these days, it doesn't write your life or fate if you can see it for what it is, moving my business and shop is much more extensive then just an individual, of which I had to do in the process here. I asked her along the visit, does she want to just meet up and visit for a while and go from there, you already read the above response.
I'm sitting here on a Friday night, she's 3 hours later time frame, so likely blowing off any contact with me today, and I'm sure I'll get some lame excuse, like her computer acting up, for she already told me it was before, but she has two of them, so that won't fly, she also has my phone numbers and I told her to call me, email me, anything, in these situations, just so I know she's ok, so I'm here worrying about her well being, worrying about if this is just another part of some game, or worrying that she doesn't care, or isn't capable of understanding, having this stuff in place functioning is essential in a relationship and I'm not asking for much, for there has been times when I was delayed, or had potential that we might not meet up within her time schedule due to mine and I always left a note saying it could happen out of courtesy, just so she wasn't sitting there wondering what was up and she knows I never have a problem no matter how late it gets.
I'm thinking, I'm in this box, I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't, it doesn't matter what decision I make, in the end, it's only pain I face either way. Do I blow her off, do I never logg on to YIM any more, do I give an ultimatem, basically saying, no more YIM, it's phone or in person or nothing? Do I just cut it off all together, not knowing if she just has issues that need resolution and that it could work if I just stuck it out? Along slowing down, believe me, it's not me pressing things forward like this, at least in regards to the status of this, I am pressing along finally meeting in person though, but I am more so pressing along simply moving this simply towards chatting over the phone instead of that stupid messanger service, of which, I only have installed just for her.
I went out on New Years eve with a couple of friends of mine, there was a girl that made it subtly clear, both of us had a mutual physical attraction, yet I didn't pursue it at all because of her, am I cutting myself short by remaining mr. loyal to this person? Then again, should I just flat out tell her, I'm going to be dating others, to in a way make it clear, that I'm not going to wait around forever for her to grow up in regards to simple contact, that this current situation is clearly not enough and I want more, and these gaps being left like I face tonight show this is not a really functional working system.
Keep in mind, what we discuss has been intimate within several levels, I'm not just reading into things that aren't there, the conversations are not light at all, nor are they casual when it comes to how we feel towards each other, yet the actions are not reflecting this at all. I can't take a plane over to just visit, I dont' have her address, I can't call, I don't have her phone number, all I can do is wait on this stupid messanger, it's just not fair at all to me.
Maby I just need to write this stuff out, just to see how stupid I'm being here, that I'm looking with blinders on, that I want to believe it's not what it seems it is because of what she tells me when we talk, that what she sais is a lie and I have to face that, I'm really beginning to wonder.
IMHO you need to step up and set some goals and boundries. She needs to make some effort or be gone. From what I have read here it wouls appear you are being played. You sound like way too good of a person to be falling into this trap. I do not see a good future here and think that you are completely justified in your frustrations.
I would just let this one go... I find it hard to believe that you are still even entertaining the idea of this person you have never even met. She seems to come up with some fake excuse every single time you ask for her number or to chat with her via voice.... Maybe it's a hint? I personally wouldn't do this anymore, but that is just me. Try to find a real live person. You can meet people just about anywhere, and love almost always finds you when you least expect it, and when you're not looking for it. I found my hubby at church, and wasn't even expecting to find a love like that. They say when God closes a door, he opens another one, you have only to look to see. Good luck! Don't let her string you along too long... take care.
I made some progress with her tonight, and as I suspected, she's getting advice from "friends" about us, this is why everything changed, that it's clearly different now then it was in the beginning and I basically told her, I'm not wanting to be dating her friends, that I wanted her as herself and that is what impressed me about her early on, for those times we chatted it was quite refreshing being able to be straight forward, cutting through the games and gimmicks and just being honest with what we wanted.
We'll see what happens as this progresses now, hopefully I don't see the same patterns that were developing before, that it goes back to where it was headed before, and the longer I have been at my new local, the more options are just falling into my lap and I'm really not trying at all.
My first thought was, "is this person even 18?" Not logging in on Christmas (cuz mom said it's a family day!), not calling you on your phone, giving you a fake number, making excuses for not wanting to talk via voice... these all sound like something someone really young would do. Either that or you are being played.
Let this one go and find someone local who you can actually *see* and talk to in person.
This isn't love, you've formed some sort of intense internet relationship, but its not going to transfer over to the real world with good results.
You mentioned in another post she's your fiance? and you don't think you fall in love easily? You've never heard the sound of her voice?
I think you need to step back and analyse this relationship ask yourself some questions and then maybe you'll come to same conclusion that everyone else has
Guys, if you are going to offer advice, you need to read all that has been written, for conclusions will be made that are absolutely false. Of course I have heard her voice, YIM has a built in feature that allows you to talk through your headset just like a normal phone.
When I mentioned my frustration about this to a relative, he told me that she's probably shy on the phone, I called her on that one and she admitted this is the case. Yes, I agree, going from not meeting in person to living together is absolutely not the normal way of doing this at all, and to be honest, it's a little scary for me as well here to have things move forward that quickly, but you know, what, life is too short to drag things on so I'm just going for it. She gave notice at her work to get a replacement, she's supposed to head out there in Feb, which means, this will either happen, or it won't and I will be able to move forward, now in a hell of a lot better spot then where I was at before, which means, hitting the traditional dating scene is going to be super easy. I have a killer place to live, I own my own business that is doing well, I have no x wives or kids to have to drag me down, and I have so much to put on the table, it's too funny.
We'll see what happens from here, I have a huge amount of things I have to address over the next few weeks, from there, the sky is the limit, with or without her, I'm moving forward and doing so in a very big way in a manner I have never before even remotely done in my life. If March rolls around and this doesn't happen by then, I'm moving on, for at that stage, I've given it plenty of time to get this one kicked into gear, and at that stage, I'll know, this isn't going anywhere, yet for now, I'm keeping up hope.
Am I being taken for a ride?
