yflo

so my husband left me the end of october. a couple weeks later he hooked up with a 27 year old bartender- he is 38. he has been dating her ever since, secretly. his parents and church do not know. i know and my daughters know. they see pictures of her all over his cell phone. i also found out he took her to mexico for the weekend. he told my daughters he was on a buisness trip. i am completley obcessed. i cant stop thinking about him and her together and happy. how he just moved on so quickly without blinking. he tells me how much happier he is without me and he left becasue i was over weight and he never wanted to have sex. he also said he had to take viagra to have sex with me. a guy friend of ours told me he is still taking viagra even with his 27 year old trophy size 2. i am feeling like he has won. he hasnt had to hurt and leaves us and finds exactly what he has always wanted. how could he be over me. please respond. looking for any offers of advice.

dumped4another

Hey Yflo, I've been going through a similar situation for the past year. There is no way to get inside the mind of a cheating spouse as to how they can just turn it off after so much time. You feel robbed, that it so unfair. that they'll do everything you meant to do together almost immediately (trips, dinners, expensive gifts, etc). But after a LOT of time and pain and grief, you realize that you can't focus on them. It's futile! Better to try and focus on yourself. For me, I'm trying to better myself by going back to church, counseling, support groups. There are so many people on this board and out there going through the same thing. I know it's early in the going for you now and there is a lot that easier said than done. I was in a rut for months that felt like years. But slowly, you pick up the pieces and live for yourself and your children. I don't know your religious affiliation, but don't discount the power of prayer. You're doing the right thing in seeking out advice, and venting. Thinking about my wife and her boyfriend (soon to be husband) sometimes wreaks havoc on my life, but it's normal and part of the healing process. Take as long as you need to heal. But focus on the things you can control, like yourself and your children. And if you haven't done so already, get a good lawyer and get the proceedings going so you can begin a new chapter in your life. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.