I officially declare 2013 a sucky year. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #16 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-25-2013, 03:54 PM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, I was thinking about you today, and wondering how things were going, when I came across this thread. I'm so very sorry.

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post #17 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-25-2013, 09:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Thanks again folks.

We're home with our two girls. Our son is still with my dad (he's 9). He's having a good time there so we'll leave him a few more days. Good for him and good for my dad since he's alone after the loss of my mom.

We're having little Alexander Michael cremated, and will bring his cremains home with us. If you ever want to cry for a really long time, go look at infant urns :-(

And as I'm typing this, I find out from my daughter that a friends mom just passed. I knew it was coming soon, happened on Friday too.... crap, I hate this year.
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post #18 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-25-2013, 10:21 PM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, I'm struggling to find the words to tell you how sorry I am that you and your family have suffered such heartbreaking losses. Nine years ago, I lost my brother and my father within 16 days of one another and it was devastating, but I know that it can not possibly compare to the loss of a child.

Hold your wife, and family, extra close. Comfort one another. Give yourself time and permission to grieve and to heal. These are big losses. I will keep your family in my prayers. Again, I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.
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post #19 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 06:52 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

I just saw this. I am so, so sorry, Larry. Prayers going out for you and yours.
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post #20 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 07:24 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you and your wife and children will be able to draw close to each other to help the entire family with your grief. Your family will need some time to mourn together and some good times to share together.
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post #21 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 08:53 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
On July 18th, my mom lost her 18 month long battle with cancer.

Yesterday, which should have been just a happy, last visit to the OBGYN instead delivered devastating news. Instead, the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. An ultrasound confirmed, the baby passed yesterday sometime.

We've got a nursery ready, car seat, baby stuff... and now we're at the hospital. No baby will be going home with us.
How far along was she? I'm so sorry to hear this. It is very devastating to lose your mother and a child. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

I went through the same thing back in 2005. I was 10 weeks along, went in for the appt to hear the heartbeat, but there was none. It was a horrible day. It was the same day as the big ice freeze here that froze the entire city and all it's surroundings: January 19, 2005. A day I'll never forget. The Half Inch of Snow that Paralyzed Raleigh - RaleighSkyline.com – Original Photography and Prints of the City of Raleigh, North Carolina by Matt Robinson – Raleigh Photos and Prints for Sale

After that appt, we went to Durham to visit my Dad in the hospital due to him having a heart attack. During that visit, it started to snow/sleet. We were stuck in that traffic for 9 hours trying to get back home (should have only been a 40 minute drive). All traffic was stopped for miles, cell phone services were overloaded and down. Hubs and I were in 2 separate vehicles. It was horrible.

Hang in there though. While it's hard now, it will get better. I now have a happy, healthy, smart, and very beautiful 7 year old girl.

~~~ SW ~~~

Last edited by southern wife; 08-26-2013 at 08:59 AM.
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post #22 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 09:03 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, you have my condolences for your losses and my prayers for the strength to go on. Take care friend.

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post #23 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 09:08 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry my best to you and your wife. It is incredibly difficult to navigate this but together you can support each other and grieve. My wife and I went through this several times. Once on Christmas morning. Spend as much time as you can together as a couple and family. Many here know exactly how you feel and share your pain. Good luck.

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Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
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post #24 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 11:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

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How far along was she? I'm so sorry to hear this. It is very devastating to lose your mother and a child. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
We were two days short of her due date. He was a perfectly formed, beautiful baby boy. Looks exactly like his older brother did.
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post #25 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 11:33 AM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

It just breaks my heart, I was going to PM you but I am lost for words. Please don't forget we are all thinking about you. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know.

I am glad you have are in good relationship. I wish you comfort soon and many blessings.

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post #26 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Anyone saying any of these things would probably piss me off as trying to minimize my pain. But I do have multiple things to be grateful for.

It was heartbreaking to walk out of the maternity wing empty handed. But I was going home to two beautiful girls we both love so much. If we were going home empty handed to an empty home it would be so much harder.

We left our 13 y/o daughter with a good, dear friend. She's got two boys the same age as our son and daughter and they are both close. It was a good place for her to be because that friend is a wonderful mom, plus her husband is a youth counselor. Our friend was also watching another friend of hers daughter while the that other friend went on a cruse with several other couples. We had no idea, but that friend lost twins 5 years ago at 6 months. So my daughter was leaning on a girl who went through this herself. They didn't sleep much, but they cried together... she needed to do that, and being with somebody who let her do that instead of forcing to be tough was great.

But most of all: I'm so glad my marriage is in a better place. 5 years ago this would have been the end of us. My wife voiced the same thought to me last night. I told her that she can feel whatever she feels, grieve however she needs to, and I only ask that she turns to me for comfort. That I can face any of this, so long as I know she sees me as her closest support. That's when she made the comment that 5 years ago it would have been over for us and that's she's grateful we're in a better place now.

Last edited by larry.gray; 08-26-2013 at 11:47 AM. Reason: for clairity
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post #27 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

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Originally Posted by mablenc View Post
It just breaks my heart, I was going to PM you but I am lost for words. Please don't forget we are all thinking about you. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know.

I am glad you have are in good relationship. I wish you comfort soon and many blessings.
I just want to thank all of you.

So many people around us want to do something. I understand it's their way of showing that they care. We don't really need any help, but I learning to graciously accept offers of help as a way of making people feel that they've done something.

Learning just that was an experience at the hospital. We had the charge nurse for both shifts, as neither would assign another nurse to the job. Truly a sign of a good leader; taking the worst job so another wouldn't have to. Both were great, and wanting to deeply do ANYTHING they could to help. This isn't easy for any of them, it's not what they sign up to do. But they did a wonderful job, and were very caring and compassionate.

We haven't figured out how yet, but we do want to express our gratitude to them in some way.
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post #28 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 12:17 PM
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

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We were two days short of her due date. He was a perfectly formed, beautiful baby boy. Looks exactly like his older brother did.
OMG I'm so sorry to hear this. Any idea at all as to what happened? I'm really sorry; I'm just in tears right now.

~~~ SW ~~~
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post #29 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

There is a good chance we will never know why.

The doctor noticed that the placenta was very small. It is being checked in pathology to see if they notice anything there. No cord knots. Late loss is usually either a cord knot, blood clot in the placenta, or placenta problems.
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post #30 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 12:51 PM
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I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

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There is a good chance we will never know why.

The doctor noticed that the placenta was very small. It is being checked in pathology to see if they notice anything there. No cord knots. Late loss is usually either a cord knot, blood clot in the placenta, or placenta problems.
I could put on my developmental biologist hat and serve up suggestions, but all that is just an academic exercise.

On a more personal level, I truly hope for healing of your "hearts and minds". I used to work at a women and children's medical center and witnessed the heart break and guilt associated with these events. I know others have suggested it and I will echo it, seek professional counseling for both of you, if feelings become overwhelming. I lived with the guilt of making the decision of taking my sister off of life support for years before I decided I needed some council.

Again, I send you and your family the fondest and deep felt Aloha.
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