I officially declare 2013 a sucky year. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

User Tag List

 120Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:17 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Our local hospice organization offers family grief support groups. It's a 7 week class / group. We were already planning on taking the kids due to the loss of my mom. It starts in a couple of weeks. My dad already has had 3 classes and talks about how much it's helped him.

When we told our daughters we got an "UGH" but we're taking them anyway. We'll go from there to see how each handles the group.

larry.gray is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:18 PM
Member
 
WorkingOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 5,997
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, I just opened this thread for the first time and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you and your family's loss. You're in my thoughts.
WorkingOnMe is offline  
post #33 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 17,443
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
Our local hospice organization offers family grief support groups. It's a 7 week class / group. We were already planning on taking the kids due to the loss of my mom. It starts in a couple of weeks. My dad already has had 3 classes and talks about how much it's helped him.

When we told our daughters we got an "UGH" but we're taking them anyway. We'll go from there to see how each handles the group.
this really good. So glad to hear you have this available to you. Don't worry, your daughters will have a change of heart when they actually attend.
Ikaika is offline  
 
post #34 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:30 PM
Moderator
 
Coffee Amore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: At the local coffee shop
Posts: 3,141
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
Our local hospice organization offers family grief support groups. It's a 7 week class / group. We were already planning on taking the kids due to the loss of my mom. It starts in a couple of weeks. My dad already has had 3 classes and talks about how much it's helped him.

When we told our daughters we got an "UGH" but we're taking them anyway. We'll go from there to see how each handles the group.
That's a typical reaction of girls their age, but they will so benefit from age appropriate grief support. Their peers don't have the maturity and life experience to give them that kind of support at this age.
Coffee Amore is offline  
post #35 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:30 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Right now the oldest is trying to check the emotions rather than letting them flow. We were already worried the most about her.

Seeing me cry has been hard on both of them. They want to think of dad as "tough" but I'm letting them know it's OK.
larry.gray is offline  
post #36 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 02:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 17,443
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
Right now the oldest is trying to check the emotions rather than letting them flow. We were already worried the most about her.

Seeing me cry has been hard on both of them. They want to think of dad as "tough" but I'm letting them know it's OK.
This was me for years, and from personal experience it is NOT healthy.

It sounds like you are being a healthy role model for your children. I can tell you that will go a long way in your children's lives. I am choked up by what I hear from you. I know it's hard and you have my deepest sympathy, but it also sounds as if you are doing all the right things in this worst of all situations.
Ikaika is offline  
post #37 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 03:49 PM
Moderator
 
Coffee Amore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: At the local coffee shop
Posts: 3,141
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
Right now the oldest is trying to check the emotions rather than letting them flow. We were already worried the most about her.

Seeing me cry has been hard on both of them. They want to think of dad as "tough" but I'm letting them know it's OK.
Does she have a diary or journal? Or perhaps she could open a private blog online where she can share her feelings if she's not ready yet to talk to others in the family. I also think it's healthy for them to see you deal with grief.
Coffee Amore is offline  
post #38 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 04:20 PM
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 13,870
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Oh Larry.Gray ....I never knew...

Life can be so very cruel sometimes....the unfairness screams......It's just not supposed to happen THIS way, NO, not like this!.... there is no words, there is no understanding to WHY...it could not satisfy these empty arms even if ... We, as parents, are supposed to go 1st ...damn it.

I read through your words here...sounds you are doing as best anyone possibly could under this devastating loss...to allow the tears to flow during this time... let them... Hold your wife, let her hold you, let her scream... you are all stumbling in the darkness right now ..but you have each other & your children... you'll find your way.

It will take time....only time...so easy for us to say these things having never experienced anything like this...

.. Alexander Michael was very wanted & loved, this is a beautiful thing.....though it makes the pain that much deeper ...during this sensitive time of what should be right now.

So very sorry for this loss to your family.
SimplyAmorous is offline  
post #39 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 04:39 PM
Moderator
 
Deejo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,482
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

I am very, very sorry Larry.
Deejo is offline  
post #40 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 05:15 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
.. Alexander Michael was very wanted & loved, this is a beautiful thing.....though it makes the pain that much deeper ...during this sensitive time of what should be right now.
So, so true.

We were young parents when we had our oldest. We were mainly with family at her birth.

In the interim, we've settled and integrated into the community we live in. All the friends, acquaintances, coworkers that we've met in the nearly two decades we've been here... they all shared in the joy of this pregnancy. We've gotten the inevitable "are you nuts????" comments. But deep down, so many women ponder having more. This really was going to be a village raised child; so many people anticipated this birth with joy.

larry.gray is offline  
post #41 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 08:43 PM
Member
 
heartsbeating's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Batcave
Posts: 7,229
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry I'm so sorry.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
heartsbeating is offline  
post #42 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 10:09 PM
Member
 
Convection's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: White Mountains of AZ
Posts: 385
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.



LG, that is horrible, and even more so coming on the heels of your other recent loss.

Wishing for peace and blessings, such as you can find them, for you and your family.

She and I are in this together, no matter what happens ... two against the world .....

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Convection is offline  
post #43 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-26-2013, 10:13 PM
Member
 
tom67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 10,667
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry truly sorry for your losses I'm sorry.
tom67 is offline  
post #44 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 02:51 AM
Member
 
angelpixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: State of Unwedded Bliss
Posts: 7,764
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, I was just shocked to see this. My heart goes out to you and your wife and the rest of your family. I'm just so sorry.

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
angelpixie is offline  
post #45 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-29-2013, 09:16 AM
Member
 
Plan 9 from OS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,514
Re: I officially declare 2013 a sucky year.

Larry, I'm sorry for your loss. My wife had a miscarriage early in the pregnancy - around 10 weeks in. It was tough, but if your wife was further along that had to be devastating. That child would have been our 3rd. However, my wife did get pregnant again afterwards and we got a wonderful daughter for number 3. She would have never came into our lives if not for the tragedy of the miscarriage. I still think about what this miscarried child would have been like, but I take solace in that we have another child to fill our life.

As much as it may be painful for you now, if you try for another child again and your wife gets pregnant, then this will still be another gift that you would not have received if not for the pain and suffering you and your wife went thru.

I apologize if this sounds strange, but it's how I was able to get through our own tragedy.
Plan 9 from OS is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
2013 a newish start a year on after seperation brendan Life After Divorce 1 01-12-2013 08:38 AM
Declare your Independence sadand Going Through Divorce or Separation 5 07-05-2011 10:38 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome