speaking for someone else - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-15-2010, 06:53 PM Thread Starter
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speaking for someone else

so i met this guy. im a bartender at this restuarnat lounge. he came in with guy friends as a happy hour lunch thing on occasional fridays. ive known him for about a year. all small talk as him and his guy friends all had wives and children at home. all of the guys always flirted with me (him the most) as i was the cute bartender girl. he came in one friday afternoon for lunch and drinks and mentioned he left his wife of 11 years. he never mentioned before being unhappy at all so it seemed spontaneous but i was intrigued as i thought he was a catch (hot) i was very attracted to him and knew he was of me. he asked me out and we had sex that night. we have been dating ever since. its been about 3 months. every other weekend he is with his kids and a couple nights a week he goes to church. he is a jehovahs witness. he says he is over his wife, that she was fat and miserable. his wife never bugs him as i can tell but they have an explosive relationship regarding the kids. he hates her actually. he is 38 and i am 28. he has been married before to another woman in his early 20's for about a year and has a 20 year old daughter from that marriage. i havent asked but im not sure if hed ever get married again. ive been married before but briefly- no kids. id like to have kids. he has three total. 1 from 1st marriage and 2 from most current. am i a rebound or could it be he actually fell for me a week or two after leaving a apparently good marriage?

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-18-2010, 09:32 PM
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Re: speaking for someone else

I saw that you were really hoping for a reply here - but I'm not sure I'm the right person to help.

My first question would be - do you know anything about Jehovah's Witnesses? I only know that its a little more unique than meeting a Baptist or a Catholic.

Maybe you know the answer already - it seems very possible you are a "rebound." Only time will tell.

Also - mentioning kids - are you concerned that he won't want more? That's probably something to talk about at some point.

My wife (who I'm separated from right now) has always said that guys can't stand to be alone. Her cousin - a man - was recently cheated on an dumped after 5 years of marriage. He was a CLASSIC example of what she was talking about. He was calling every girl he ever dated.

Be careful. It sounds like you have some very reasonable questions and doubts here. Trust your gut.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-18-2010, 09:34 PM
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Re: speaking for someone else

Also - not sure if you've tried - but you would probably get a lot more responses in the "General" topic area. I come to this place more than I'd like to admit, but I rarely look in this section.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-22-2010, 06:03 PM
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Smile Re: speaking for someone else

i know your post was some time back, but still I felt it was worth a reply. As your situation has some parralells to mine, I am curious how things worked out, maybe you could post a reply to update things.

I believe honesty is always the way to proceed when in doubt. Tell you guy your hopes and doubts, and presumabley he will share his. Then at least you know if you are heading in the same direction. Relationships for the long term are based on more than mutual attraction.

Next I would find out where he stands with his church. JW's have very strict guidelines regarding marriage and church membership. You need to know if his membership is something he values and wishes to maintain, and then see where you fit into that.

I hope all is well with you now and your doubts have been resolved.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-05-2010, 12:56 AM
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Re: speaking for someone else

You sound like a good person, and it seems that you don't want to get in the way to save a marriage, but starting a relationship by having sex at the beginning doesn't give you any kind of foundation. It is very possible that your situation could be a rebound, but at least it has been three months when you first posted and now it is around six months. If you are still together, then I agree with Love'n'Light about telling him your hopes and doubts. It is better to do that now than wait and wait and hope that you are on the same page. I also agree with both Love'n'Light and nice777guy concerning JW's. Usually those in this group are quite strict and tend to have control...definitely don't look over this important aspect of his life.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-24-2011, 11:50 AM
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Re: speaking for someone else

Hey yflo,

So how is your relationship progressing? Love doesn’t really follow the rules of logic, but there are certain things you can do to improve your chances to make a man want you.

Just don't give up!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-25-2011, 06:31 PM
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Re: speaking for someone else

I hooked up with my current man (of 3 yrs) 3 weeks after he split from a long term relationship, we've since had 2 kids together and we've been through the ringer big time emotionally bringing our families together.

One thing I wish somebody would have told me three yrs ago: women grieve, men replace.

I love him tons so Im trying to make it work, but starting something so soon did not give him time to heal, work on his issues or anything. People told us it was too soon. We didnt listen. Now Im googling sites like this trying to make it work and a huge reason it has been sh rough was because we rushed.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-12-2011, 12:35 AM
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Re: speaking for someone else

yflo,

If he says that he is over his last wife and hates her it may be safe to assume that you are not a rebound pick-up. Has the relationship become more serious? Has the battle he and his ex wage over the kids become a point of difficulty within your relationship, let alone him being a Jehovah's witness? There is usually a serious dedication to earning points towards a coveted position to become one of the 144,000 as they interpret the Book of Revelations in the Bible. It could mean a LOT of Church activity.

What I am getting at is this, has the relationship surpassed some of these hurdles and whatever else may have come along?

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-16-2012, 06:29 PM
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Re: speaking for someone else

You are oh so wrong about the witnesses beliefs about the 144,000.
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