Re: My loss.
It can take a long, long time to "get over" the death of a loved one, particularly when that person's death was "particularly horrific". In my own case I have spent the past year in a failed attempt at helping my ex-wife survive colon cancer.
But she died, on July 28, 2013, at the age of 58.
I "completely understand" how your health can deteriorate during this period. I had to "step away from the bottle" and throw away all the prescription narcotics that were left lying around the house. Ingesting of those things in combination (booze + narcotics) very nearly killed me.
Right now I'm at that point of "wanting to be alone all the time". I've grown a very short fuse and have "lashed out" (verbally) at my co-workers. Just yesterday I got hauled into the boss's office and reamed out for "dropping the F-bomb" on a co-worker. Meh.....who cares.
Personally I think a "change of scenery" might help both me and you. In your case (married with kids) that might be a little more difficult. But if your wife wants you back on your feet maybe a little vacation is in order? Go lay on a beach somewhere, play some golf, go fishing, what ever it is you like to do. I know it's hard to get your bearing after someone close to you dies.
IMO, two years is too long for you to be mourning so grievously. Your mom probably wouldn't want you to deteriorate like this now would she?
There's not a lot of traffic in the Grief & Loss forums of TAM.
Nobody knows what to say in these instances.
Just know that there are others who have been through this stuff too.