z00jman

I'll try to be brief. Three days ago my wife's grandmother died. They were close and the news has been hard on her. I've consoled her the best I can. We have no family remotely close to us. We were planning on flying out this weekend to attend the memorial. Last night she hadn't heard anything and asked that I call to find information out. I was then informed by a third party that her grandmother had already been cremated. My wife took this very badly and sees it as an insult not to have even been given the opportunity to pay her last respects. I agree with her that the situation wasn't handled properly.

This morning I left work early and she thanked me for being there for her. I then informed her that I still needed to go to a required dinner I was supposed to attend for work tonight and she explodes!!! My wife has some control issues (to the point that my closet is color coordinated, labelled, and filled with only clothes she has purchased.) She has never liked that I need to attend these monthly dinners and we get into a fight each time a go. In fact, we get into a fight each time I want to do anything independently. She then starts in with the verbal abuse, calling me a worthless piece of $#!%, and an uncaring @$$hole. She then took off her ring and told me she hated me.

I know that people grieve differently, but it feels to me as though she is being unreasonable and using her grandmother's death as another way in which she can control me.

Am I being out of line for asking for two hours to go to this required dinner?

swedish

Since you say you get into a fight each time you go on these monthly dinners, this does not sound any different and yes, I would agree her over the top response was more of the same controlling behavior.

Does she work outside of the home and/or have any hobbies/social life without you present? If not, that would be a start.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

Blanca

It sounds to me like she's angry at you over something a lot more personal then a monthly dinner. I have also called my H names and thrown my ring out the window while driving on the freeway. But it was over a lot more then him going to racketball after work...although that was one thing id get mad about.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

gtull1

I think she's using the death to take her anger out on you.

starsandrocketsgrl12

I agree. Bianca. It does sound like his wife may have some underlying issues that are a lot deeper than the monthly dinner. Her grandmother just died and this is an emotional and stressful for her. I guess she is taking out her anger about the whole death (people feel angry as well when a loved one dies) out on you. You guys just need to talk it out. You need to set some boundaries up in the relationship. Tell her that you demand her to talk to you in a respectable manner, rather than calling you obscene names. It is not your fault that your boss is inflexible about the dinner. BTW, have you talked to your boss yet about this?

Also, are her parent's controlling as well? If so, she could be only repeating the cycle of her parents. If her parents are controlling, I recommend you give her these two books to read: and . This could help her deal with her control issues and help you guys out a lot.