Mandia99508

Last month our 2 year old special boy cat died tragically. It was a horrible experience that I felt I went through mostly alone. Then he died anyway. We spent all of our savings and went in to serious debt trying to save his life. Our mistake. (Maybe mine, there is no way to know.) I was making all the decisions because he simply wasn't involving himself. He was so near and dear to him that I think he was incapable of really making any decisions on the cats behalf.

We were both distraught with the loss, and continued on with our lives as normally as we could. The emptiness in the house faded, and I thought we were moving past it. Getting back to normal. I was wrong.

My husband plunged further and further in to a depressive state and alcohol abuse. He won't get help for either. Neither therapy or rehab or medication are an option. He simply will not do it.

Last night he came home and said he just wants to be alone forever and we need to get a divorce. I'm shocked, I'm not sure if it was the booze talking, and I don't know what to think.

I'm willing to wait for him to come out of his slump and welcome him back with open arms. But he seems to think he always feels this way & that he will feel this way forever and that we should just end it now before "it's too late." (Personally I think this is just another responsibility cop-out).

This sort of behavior also arose when he grandfather died a few years ago when we first got together. He came out of it rather quickly and we have managed to live happily for years since.

What do you think?? Should we end it, or should I press the issue of waiting it out for a while? It's just a cat. What happens when his parents pass??

kiwigirl

has he ever been on anti depressents? im sori to hear bout your cat. i knw my cat and dog are like children to us and dont knw how we would cope if something happened to them. i think sometimes our animals are what keeps us together

Mandia99508

No he has not, at least not that I know of. This began about 5-6 years before I met him. I know that he feels he's always been able to deal with it by being by himself. For some reason he is not taking an opportunity to separate himself from the house and go do things by himself. Lack of motivation mostly. He refuses to go on medication or seek therapy for it. I'm hoping years down the road he will derail the idea that he doesn't need help and get himself on the track to getting his brain right when he needs it.

kiwigirl

if he is really depressed its very hard to get help or really admit it to anyone. does he get anxious or stresed alot at the moment??

Mandia99508

Ummmm YEAH! Not so much anxious. But stressed. The last two days have been better. He and I aren't really engaging with each other much. But last week when things were really taking a turn for the worse he was rubbing his head A LOT! He's aggressive in his language and thoughts towards other people. Especially when he drives. He yells at the other drivers as if he has a severe road rage problem -when normally he doesn't.

Blanca

do you think this is PTSD from his grandfathers death? Maybe he never really delt with it and the feelings are coming back up with your pet dying. It also sounds like you're carrying around a lot of resentment.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
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Mandia99508

No I do not think it is PTSD from his grandfather. However I don't think he ever learned how to cope & endure with grief. I think he shuts down and finds his negative space to be all there is. That space gets bigger with each traumatic event, because he never does deal with it.

I am working on the resentment thing, because I think that is/ was driving him away. I have recognized this in myself and it's hard to change or adjust this when you're with someone who reflects that. I simply find myself being silent when I need to be comforting. I'm working on that as well. Yet he keeps saying... it's not about me, I'm amazing and I deserve someone who will treat me how I should be treated. He acts as if he really thinks he is incapable of this. I know that he's not.