Love'n'Light

There are days when I am so confused. (I hope this thread is appropriate here) I love him dearly. We have known each other as friends most of our lives. We were both seperated with older kids. I am now divorced and have dealt with the grief over the end of my marriage. He was still in the middle of all that when his wife died. They were still very close and were developing a new way to be a family when she suddenly died. Noone was prepared. It was a huge shock.

Its nearly 5 months later now since she passed. There are still lots of day to day things for him to deal with regarding her estate and thier grown kids. He is constantly reminded of her passing and seems to have gone numb. We spend some time together...we live seperately, but often when we are together he is very distant.

He says he loves me and wants to continue towards a future together, and i love him and want that too. I try to be there for him without intruding, but i get so little feedback its very hard to know how to help. He says me just being here helps, so i have to take his word on that.

Has anyone any insight as to how i can survive this process. I have days when I doubt things will ever move forward again. I feel stuck in someone else's holding pattern at a time when I am ready to soar. I dont want to be self centered, but I too went thru alot to be a happy and healthy person and now i feel all that is compromised. I feel embarrassed sometimes that my life is great and his isnt. And so lonely because I really wanted to share all my life with him and he just isnt there at the moment.

Do you think it will get better? Please, some perspective would be greatly appreciated.

Brewster 59

Yes it will get better with time. I do think it does help when you are there even if he is distant. The question you have to answer is are you willing to wait for him to heal. You dont say how involved your relationship is but maybe stepping back from exclusive relationship to a dating relationship at least until he is emotionally available might be an option. The other option would be to wait until he heals emotionally. It sounds like he is going through the 7 stages of grief.