BIL died - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-09-2014, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
married&lovingit's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: SoCal / San Diego
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BIL died

Yesterday, my wife learned that her oldest brother passed away - Unfortunately, this brought a mixed bag of emotions from her as this was the brother that sexually assaulted her in her early teens - before I met her.

IMO - the guy was scum, never amounted to much, spent the last 15 years of his life as a homeless, drug-addicted bum. If they bury him, and I ever find out where, I'll piss on his grave.

After my wife and I met, she did her very best to avoid this brother - but she never mentioned the assaults to any other family members. I'm fine with that unless one of her other brothers starts going on about what a good/decent guy he was. I may have to bite my tongue and leave it up to my wife to tell the truth.

Bear in mind that we've been married over 30 years. We've come to terms with this part of her past - but I know that she is experiencing conflicting emotions...

Luckily, there is quite a bit of anonymity posting to forums and I needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 03:12 PM
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Location: California
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Re: BIL died

As much as I feel like I should say I'm sorry, I'm not. No loss to the world imo. My grandfather was a pedophile- raped his stepdaughter and despite my mom knowing that, she allowed him around us as kids, which didn't end well. (Grandma never believed it when her daughter told her btw...) He died in my teens... good riddance. Sounds like his miserable, lonely existence perpetuated the life and finality he deserved.

I'm curious if he ever acknowledged what he did for her sake... not that anything makes it better.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 09:09 AM
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Re: BIL died

You sound like a very good husband. Your support for you wife has probably been a major component in her coping with this. I agree with you that in this case it probably makes sense that your wife be the one to decide what/when to share. We can help others carry their burdens but they have to carry their own load. Keep praying for wisdom to handle the situation properly.
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