BROKE LEFT JOB LOVE WIFE SAW HERE 1st TIMe in a month TOTAL LOSS and AT END

marshsc · 12-14-2010, 04:12 PM

No my kids are in Cali and I am in UTAH.

marshsc · 12-14-2010, 06:38 PM

I see that are alot of people reading this story of pain. Yes its bad SO BAD. I so want to leabve but cant till I have a job in cali. Just about died there in my truck and had to borrow to live. Now I am drinking close to a fith a night. WTF. I sit in a room alone and talk here and look for work. Dont want a DIV
had to get her attention
But now I am in like solitary confinement in a one room motel that is in Salt Lake City, morman town. Everyone is nice but this is not me. one person responded and thank you. I only know that I love my wife. We are both at fault and its way bad as I am so far away. Next big hit may push it. Drunk going to storte for smokes.

marshsc · 12-14-2010, 06:40 PM

what a great life

marshsc · 12-14-2010, 06:52 PM

Driving Have to get out of this cage. **** this

Powerbane · 12-14-2010, 06:55 PM

Get yourself together. Stop burying your pain in the bottle.

Get yourself a Plan and work your plan. Nothing is lost if you have Hope. Don't lose Hope fella.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 07:57 AM

I thank u for that. No more bottle. I get boxes, get packed and set an average of 3 of any combination resume to a company or job site. I got a great call yesterday for the new sky sraper in la as a tech. I may have to leave utah again to interview next week. B ut the pay is right. Not txting wife, not calling even knowing I want to. Get organized.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 12:53 PM

Blackeballed I am.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 04:39 PM

If it was a test. Done. Gone. No more calls. I am packing and finished. I don't want to talk to u anymoe or see u as all u do is kill me. Left work. To stressed. Blackballed. Earn what u get my mom taught. All u have is bro and house and I am dead. **** u.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 04:43 PM

If it was a test. Done. Gone. No more calls. I am packing and finished. I don't want to talk to u anymoe or see u as all u do is kill me. Left work. To stressed. Blackballed. Earn what u get my mom taught. All u have is bro and house and I am dead. **** u. I hope some day u feel my pain.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 06:02 PM

If it was a test. Done. Gone. No more calls. I am packing and finished. I don't want to talk to u anymoe or see u as all u do is kill me. Left work. To stressed. Blackballed. Earn what u get my mom taught. All u have is bro and house and I am dead. **** u. I hope some day u feel my pain.
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 08:44 PM

She called a few times. I don't want to talk any more. I loved her job or none. She does not love me. No more talk as it only opens the wound. 5 sleeping pills and a few shots of vodka and I sleep. Work I will try and make thru jan but that is it. Got another call today on a cheap job in cali where my kids are. First one over 20 I take. I will die here drinking if I stay. Work in cali and go if I have to live in the truck till I sav e the money. She I hope some day relizes the man she gave up. I am done trying and being blackballed because the managers know her brother. I won't fight anymore to save job there. 26 years gone and I don't ****ing care. If it wernt for sleeping pills and vodka I feel I would have been dead by now. So the best way to have a plan like the guy that responded is stik to the plan. No talk unless absolutely needed. It hurts ne to much. Effecting my job while I have it. I told her last statement is " I love u. Job or no job and that is the difference you don't love me". No tv 5 months. Here alone. No friends. No kids. No christmas no home. No property. Nothing but truck and me. So tomorrow I get boxes to pack the bags of stuff I have and start getting ready to leave as it could happen any time. I will not go on unemployment and will ony do disdability as its 70 percent pay which is more than I will make in cali now but I will see my kids. If not I will end up dfead and tjat is good for no one. Love my 3 kidids. 19. 17. 8. None by her and that is why she does not care. She supports her daughter and her daughters boyfriend at age awaf and allowed that to kill our marriage truthfully as I kicked out the bf and my wife moved out with her mom supporting the behav ior. In two years when they are gone she will look back. But now and for past few year has been daugjhter. The life she has or had is from my moms 600.000 and now from her brother getting her jobs twice. I have to start completely over at 48. Dead I am. 3 kids I have are same. Sad yes. Regretful no. I tried what I was taught. YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR PARTNER. Movie fireproof. Meen a hard day. I will make two weeks till I drive back to cali 1100 miles one way. Not sure I will make it back to utah though. Thank u all for reading this blog. This is only way for me to express myself over this extremely hard point in my life. Oh ya. She said she did have my flas drive she took when I was in the shower last time there. You want issues u look for them. Some day she will log back in here as she did nov something wheb she kicked me out of my own house and read and thik of the man she really had and whayt she has now. I hope she finds one that loves her lik I DO. A bit stumbly now. 5 sleeping pills and vodka. I will sleep well, - really hope she can also with all going on. No more talk from me I am done and I am sure will be fired or disability soon. Thanks fore listening. I reaaly do appreciate a site that let's me create this life aultering experiance. XXXX. I do love u honey
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marshsc · 12-15-2010, 08:54 PM

Sorry forr spelling. Pills kicking in. Maybe more in morning. Nite all, nite baby I miss ur snoring.
Sined I don't know how to recover, but trying.
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Brewster 59 · 12-16-2010, 02:35 AM

Wow I hope all this venting is helping you. I think you should worry less about your x is doing and figure out what you want to do to go forward as I dont think she gives a fk about your circumstances.

I do have to say I know what it feels like being what I call being a dead man walking and how it feels to be dead inside.

marshsc · 12-16-2010, 08:06 AM

Yes it helps and I am doing nothing but looking for work in cali

marshsc · 12-17-2010, 11:19 AM

Its borring at work. No one really here. I miss everything and go home to my room I have put a lot of job apps in and am getting calls. Just need to reallyu be there to interview and its hard when I am here in UtAh. I miss her so much. I want to talk. Smile. Laugh. Go home. Hold her but I can't. I am a walking dead man
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