Re: sadness and divorce
Everybody on this board has given you good, solid advice.
When I first saw the title of your thread, I thought it was about sadness due to divorce. It's strange to think that your sadness for a non-marital issue, is the reason you are considering divorce.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your parents, obviously it is devastating to you, I hope and pray you are able to get past it. You will, with time, if you try to be good to yourself (mentally/emotionally) and don't give up on therapy.
I know you're afraid of your in-laws being involved with your child's life and having to see them more. But have you thought about what a child would do for your healing process? When I was separated from my husband, my daughter was 2 years old. Her laughter, joy, and presence helped me through a horribly difficult time and in fact, made me feel happy. Without her, I would have had a terrible time healing. A child brings endless joy to you, and your parents would be happy to know you have a daughter or son.
I don't think you should have a child right now, not when you're thinking of a divorce. I'm saying that if you get to a point where you realize divorce is not a good option, and get rid of the divorce idea altogether, then think of the ways a child can help you heal. They are little persons of healing and joy. My mother oftentimes says that she got through news of her brother's death because of my little brother, who was newborn at the time...