My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #16 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 01:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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He said you can accomplish anything in the world if you never give up.

I confused you Im sorry, I was not saying never give up on your marriage, I think you made that clear that it is over now.

What I think it was saying is for YOU to never give up and your grandson to never give up, I think that is the message unless you interpret it to mean something else. You sound very tired, almost despondent and like you want to give up on your life.

"No I am falling apart inside over my grandson. My marriage I think is basically over and I don't even care about life anymore, except for my grandchildren and there love. I just want to drive away and never come back, but I can't desert my grandson right now. I have no feelings left"

Be strong for your grandson and be strong for yourself. I do not believe in coincidence, I got this message literally as I was reading this post.
tdwal,
Thanks for the clarification. It is odd that it happened as you were reading my post. Yes, my body and mind is exhausted, totally. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight till I can go to Sam's tomorrow and get a new mattress. I told him that he could sleep on the couch, why was it fair that he is the one that did wrong, yet he sleeps on the King size bed? Well that's what he did as soon as I got up from my nap of stress. So what kind of husband would let his wife sleep on a hard couch with a bad back, an unloving one. I get the message now and understand it.
Thanks again, Granny7


Last edited by Granny7; 07-05-2014 at 01:42 AM. Reason: another reply
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post #17 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-05-2014, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

tdwal,
Please PM me as I don't want to keep talking about my depression on a post that is for my grandson. I keep saying, I am so tired and yes I believe in God, but I can't seem to find the strength to be strong.
God Bless, Granny7
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post #18 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-07-2014, 01:45 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Not many things worse than a young person with cancer My heart goes out to you all.

xxx
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post #19 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-07-2014, 03:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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Not many things worse than a young person with cancer My heart goes out to you all.

xxx
frusdil,
You are so right in your statement. I have a niece in her early 50's that has been going through it for over 3 yrs. and I read her post on FB and my heart goes out to her. Now my own 26 yr. old grandson is now going to have to deal with this testicle cancer (already lost one to it) and now to have it spread just isn't fair. I hate the thought of what lies ahead for him and see the worry in his eyes and also the tiredness in his voice. Everyone keeps telling him, after the initial shock, to think positive and that will help him get through this and I know that's true. But I can hear him being scared in his voice. To be a very young and thin, but handsome attorney, he's already commented about what people at the office is going to think when he's bald? He's not a vain man either and usually never cares what people think, not in a mean way, just that he has confidence in what he believes and his life is based on doing what is right. He dresses nice, is polite, but he lives his life by doing what is right, not to try and impress anyone just for appearance sake. He's very confident, strong and knows what he wants to do with his life. Now that's all messed up by this cancer. To just pass the bar 6 weeks ago, after having to take it again as he missed it the first time by 2 points, was so exciting and now to get knocked to the ground by this diagnosis. My heart just aches for him. I want him to let out what he feels, he doesn't have to be so strong all the time. My Dad is 94 and hasn't sounded like himself in the past 6 months or so, he can hardly walk, so he can't go down and eat with his friends, but it's hard for him to get in a wheelchair and he really doesn't want to be in one anyway, he has a lot of pride. He never complains, but he finally told me what was wrong the other night. I listened and I understood how he felt and I told him so. It's hell getting old, as he said to me. To not be able to do the things that you use to do 2 yrs. ago, to remember when you were younger and full of life. It's sad to end up this way.

I wish my grandson would do the same thing, but I think he feels that this is the only way to approach cancer or any illness as he's been raised this way, not to say that's a bad thing. But I would be so scared if I was him and I know he is and it hasn't even begun yet and won't until about the 17th. of July. They have to wait for the biopsy to be done and get the results of the lymph nodes and how many are affected. I apologize about the length of this, just couldn't sleep and am just venting to get it off my mind. Thanks for your kind words, they are very appreciated.
Granny7

Last edited by Granny7; 07-07-2014 at 03:37 AM. Reason: corrections in spelling
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post #20 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-08-2014, 08:35 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Granny, please keep us up to date. We will all continue to offer prayers for you and your family.
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post #21 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 02:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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Granny, please keep us up to date. We will all continue to offer prayers for you and your family.
Philat,
I will, thanks for your kind words. His biopsy is this Friday, then they won't know for over 5 days the results, not sure if that's business days or not. The chemo will start on the week of the 21st. and he will get the biopsy report from his doctor on the 18th. You would think there would be some urgency about this, especially for him to get it off his mind and not let it to continue to grow, but his Mom, my daughter says it won't make any difference, but I don't agree with her.
That's what we know so far.
Thanks, Granny7
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post #22 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 03:33 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

It sounds like your daughter's fatalism is a coping mechanism. It's got to be so hard on her. No parent wants to contemplate the possibility of their child dying before them, so she might just be steeling herself for the worst and of course hoping it doesn't come to pass.

I hope the biopsy results are in his favor...
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post #23 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 04:32 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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It sounds like your daughter's fatalism is a coping mechanism. It's got to be so hard on her. No parent wants to contemplate the possibility of their child dying before them, so she might just be steeling herself for the worst and of course hoping it doesn't come to pass.

I hope the biopsy results are in his favor...
Coffee Amore,
You could be right and I sure can't imagine how she feels inside as she never wants to talk about it with me as we aren't very close, no matter how hard I try to be helpful. Just so many things involving her Dad and his cheapness in the past and things he has said that were wrong has made her turn against both of us. Me for now dealing with the PTSD of the affair he had 25 yrs. ago that has come back to haunt me again, since I never got my questions answered and don't know the total truth. Both daughter's blame me and she especially since she lives in the same city, yet we hardly ever see her and we aren't included in anything unless its Christmas or something. She only does things with her 3 son's and husband and never includes us and we live 10 minutes away and if she ever comes over she complains that it's a long drive. We've tried to iron it out, but she doesn't want to talk about what happened in the past, so it never gets cleared up.

I love her and so does her Dad and they are both very much alike. They like to both shove things under the rug, just like the affair that he has done both 25 yrs. ago and again now.

She has raised her whole family to think positive, not to show emotions, like crying in front of each other, maybe like when my grandson found out he cried on the phone to his Mom & Dad and she cried when she told me, as I did also. My H didn't,but he was really upset, but he never cries either, even when his Mom & Dad passed away. Then it's right away, a stiff upper lip and we are going to all think positive and get through this as positive thoughts help the body heal. I don't disagree with that, but I think sometimes you need to let the tears flow that are bottled up inside of you. My grandson didn't talk to us for almost a week after the news as he was afraid that I might cry on the phone, which I would have and he couldn't handle that. So all we could do was send him messages showing our love and support. She doesn't want any questions from us as she says it's all covered and he's in the best hands possible. Yet she talks to her sister probably every day and converses with her all the time.

It's just the way she is. Is she suffering inside, I'm sure they all are, but no one wants to talk about there feelings in there family. They all have a deep sense of faith and that's what they are relying on, as am I. I pray all the time for my grandson and his twin brother, who is studying for the bar at this difficult time. He takes it on the 30th. of this month and has to pass it or he will lose his job. Missed it by 2 points like I said, but did pass the National one, it's the state that is the hardest. Thank God his brother passed it before this happened.

I don't understand why there is not any rush on my grandson's testicular cancer in the lymph nodes. It grows very fast, so you would think there would be some urgency. I guess I need to read more about it and see if there is any more risk associated with waiting? It's not going to change anything, but it might give me more peace of mind, yet my grandson is trying to work, is tired and you know he just wants to get on with this, find out the results as it has to be worrying him.

Anyway, it's all so sad and overwhelming for all of us. Now I just found out yesterday that my 94 yr. old Dad is having to be moved out of the Assisted living facility in another city as they claim they can't give him the level of care that he needs with his falls getting worse and his dementia, so I'm trying to locate Asst./dementia homes in his city that can take him and he's going to be devastated when we have the doctor talk to him, as that was how it was suggested by the social workers to do. Then we will talk to him also. It's not a very good situation and I'm handling it to find the place long distance. So one more thing to add to everything that is going on. I just wished I lived close to my Dad, instead of 9 hrs. away as I could look at them myself and be of comfort to Dad. I will be going home to help them move, which I pray that it's not going to be during the same time as my grandson's chemo starts and that's a possibility. Lord give me the strength to get through all this and also the family.

Sorry this is so long, it's just been a long day or 2 days.

Granny7
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post #24 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 08:57 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

No need to apologise. Your grandson needs to know there's someone who will listen to him express his fears - he needs to be able to say to someone "what if I don't survive this?" "what if I die?" or just "I'm so scared". All these things would be going through his mind, and it would only be adding to his stress not to be able to express them

I'm thinking about you and your family Granny, I really wish I could do something to help xxx
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post #25 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-10-2014, 12:58 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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No need to apologise. Your grandson needs to know there's someone who will listen to him express his fears - he needs to be able to say to someone "what if I don't survive this?" "what if I die?" or just "I'm so scared". All these things would be going through his mind, and it would only be adding to his stress not to be able to express them

I'm thinking about you and your family Granny, I really wish I could do something to help xxx

frusdil,

>>>I wish someone would could help, but we all know that's it's out of our hands now, except to give him the food to nourish his body to get it strong for what he is going to go through, the positive thoughts that I keep hearing about, have faith that the doctors that are treating him are as good as there reputation that proceeds them, with an inside track that his aunt worked with one of the leading oncologist in this field and that's his doctor who is working with him. Pray that the biopsy is as small as can be, not spread to much further that he needs the hard surgery and let him know that he is loved, which he knows. I can try and give him all the emotional support he will let me give, but I just know that he's be brought up to keep things to himself.

Once when he was having a heat stroke on the tennis court at 17, didn't know where he was and collapsed in front of me, my daughter and her husband had been watching the other twin play right next to him and wasn't listening to what I tried to tell her as she was watching the end of the one that collapsed. I told her, Judy he passed out, he's not playing around after he won the whole last set not even seeing the ball, how I'll never know, but sheer determination! He had already asked me to try and get him something to eat, an energy drink, etc. as he wasn't feeling well so I knew something was wrong. He was so out of it that he never touched them. They half carried him off, laid in him a tent with ice on him and liquids. I just put my hand on his calf to comfort him and she scolded me out side the tent and told me that it didn't look good to his friends at his age for his grandma to be doing that. I was shocked. He was told to go and get medical help, they decided to get him in air-conditioning, cool off and let him play the finals. The referee advised her against him playing, to take him to the hospital for an IV as it was so hot that not matter how much he drank, he was loosing it to fast. She didn't listen, he tried to play and cramped up after about 15 minutes and had to quit. I know so much about health, but because I have to take pain meds for my back sometimes, she feels that I don't take care of myself or I wouldn't hurt so bad. She doesn't want to know about the condition of my back due to slip and falls that were freakish accidents, forgets that I played competitive tennis for 35 yrs. never fell and just thinks she knows everything. My grandson's have always let me take care of them when they were even teenagers and appreciated my compassion with them. That is who I am, I do the same with my Dad who's 94 and not doing well. I manage his meds also. I could help my grandson so much if he starts to get sick if he would let me or sit there and put a cold cloth on his head, but my daughter wants me to butt out and they will handle it. It's so darn hard as me giving help is what I love to do and especially with my grandchildren. So, if he would open his heart and just let it all out, I would love to listen to him but he's been taught otherwise. We'll just have to see how it plays out and she might see that he needs more help than she is able to give. It's all very hard to deal with, between my grandson of 26 and my Dad of 94 and his Demencia.

I so appreciate having my support friends on here, that's who my psychiatrist told me to listen to today and just to be there for my grandson and Dad when they needed me. Fix the drinks that will help his body, that will help him also, so that's what I'm going to do.

Thank you for your support and everyone on here, it means to world to me to have somewhere to go and express your thoughts and ya'll will help with your kind words and advice.

Granny7

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post #26 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-12-2014, 09:56 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

How are you travelling Granny? Has your grandson had his biopsy?
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post #27 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-12-2014, 10:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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How are you travelling Granny? Has your grandson had his biopsy?
frusdil,
I'm not traveling right now, if your wondering about to see my Dad. That is still all up in the air on what is going to be done. My brother has 1st. power of attorney, me second. We have changed Dad's medication's to see if it will help. We'll give it a few weeks, but when I called to say Hi tonight he was in bed by 7 PM. That's so unlike him, he is really worn out. The staff where he is are not doing a good job, just the opposite, mixing up medications, etc. numerous phone calls that I have to make to try and keep it straight, but yet I don't know if they are doing it right. I have every reason to not trust them, as does the other member's of the family. If we move him to another place at almost 94, he might just give up. I think he is just really tired of being tired and un-happy with being like he is. It's a mixed up mess and all i want Daddy is to be at peace when he dies. I just wish I lived there.

I'm in so much pain tonight, been mattress shopping and it has really done a number on my back and whole body. I can't seem to get out of pain, that's why I'm still up.

My grandson got his biopsy done this past Friday, it went well and he's not in any pain now. He'll meet with his doctor on the 18th. to get the results if it's the same testicular cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes a year and a half ago. Hopefully it's not another one. Then they will decide if they need to do surgery, in addition to chemo. So we are all keeping our finger's crossed that no surgery is needed, the chemo is bad enough, especially with his high powered job, just starting as an attorney and he already sounds so tired. His color looks good and he definitely always thinks positive and believes in God. So, I just keep praying and praying for him, make the special drinks he needs to put on weight before chemo and the green drinks to help him out and get strong.

In regards to my CH, I've just put that on the back burner for now, I have nothing left in me to fight anymore, the other things take precedent over our marriage right now.

Sorry this is so long, just so much going on.

Thanks so much for carrying about someone you don't really know.

Blessings, Granny7
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post #28 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-17-2014, 03:48 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

You're still in our thoughts, Granny. Praying for good news tomorrow.
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post #29 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-17-2014, 08:33 PM
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My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I am very sorry about your grandson. I am praying for him. At least he has one thing going for him, he has you.
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post #30 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-17-2014, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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I am very sorry about your grandson. I am praying for him. At least he has one thing going for him, he has you.
Fisherman,

I've been trying to reach you for months in the PM section, but it keeps saying that I have the wrong e-mail. If you post it to me in the PM section I can get in touch with you. I've written you several messages and I'm sorry you didn't get them.

Thank you for the kind words about my twin grandson. He's goes with his parents tomorrow to see the Dr. who will be in charge of his care in regards to chemo. The biopsy came back today and it shows that the lymph Node has grown since the last CT Scan in the past 6 months. His testicular cancer was removed a yr. and a half ago. Was fine 6 months ago, blood work was fine, so he was really not prepared for this. His chemo will start next Wednesday and last 5 days and is very aggressive. Five days of infusions, 2 weeks off, then it's done 4 more times for about 2 months. Then they will do another CT Scan to see if it shrunk the tumor. If not, he will be turned over to a surgeon who specializes in a very invasive surgery, about 5 hrs. and tedious and is very difficult. I'm thankful to God that the biopsy didn't call for surgery right now. My heart aches for him right now.

I spent 4 hrs. today making him the green drinks that help cancer, toxin's, etc. that you drink twice a day. Then I make the nutritious greek yogurt drinks with all the fresh fruit for him for a week as they need him to gain weight as he's already so thin. I've been doing this for about a month now to help him out. He just thanked me tonight.

All 3 brother's live together, one goes back to college for his last semester of college, but his twin brother will be living with him and that's a good thing. He missed the bar last time by 2 points and is taking the bar next week. He has to pass or he will lose his job at a great law firm, but we have all the faith in the world in him. He's working and studying like crazy (his twin brother passed about 2 months ago, right before he found out about the cancer.) It's been a horrible yr. in so many ways. At least the one with the cancer did pass the bar, but it does put extra pressure on his twin brother who takes his test next week almost to the day that his brother starts chemo. That stinks and they are all so close. So, I pray that he can focus on this 7 hr. exam that he's got to pass. He will be devastated if he doesn't. It's a hard place for both of them to be in.

The two things that they all have going for them is, FAITH AND POSITIVE THINKING and a family that will do anything for them.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Granny7
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