May I make a suggestion, Granny? I realize this illness is "all about him" and not about you at all...but you mention that you think he's in emotional pain and you'd love to talk to him about HIS pain, and yet you do not share your pain with him.
What if you share with him YOUR experience and YOUR feelings, as a model of what that kind of deeper sharing is like. Yes, I'm sure part of your brain thinks, "He already has enough to deal with! He doesn't need my feelings too!" but he can see that pensive look on your face same as you can see it on his.
Maybe let him see that you are a human being same as him. This is the part I'd share:
Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children and grandchildren is SHOW THEM a model of the exact behavior we would like them to imitate and let them see "what it's like."
Would you explain a little bit more about what you would want me to say to him? I have texted him before and told him, "That when you hurt, Grandma hurts and I hate that you are going through this." He responded back, that he was doing okay and getting through it.
As I said, I've only seen him twice since he's had his 2 months of treatments. It was about 10 days ago that I got to spend a few hours with him and his twin brother and that's when some pictures were taken and I could see the pain in his face. It broke my heart and to hug him and feel his bones. He minimizes it and tell's us that he hasn't lost any weight, but he was so thin to begin with.
My husband and I are taking the boys out to lunch next week. If I can get some time alone with just him I will do as you are suggesting. I feel he will brush it aside and will probably hear from my daughter the next day as to keeping things positive for Brendan. She keeps all her emotions inside also as does the whole family. The opposite of me and that's why they don't share a lot with me as they feel that I am to emotional and sensitive to things. That's my way of showing love, it's just me.
The part that you mentioned, is that what you wanted me to say to him? To put it into how I feel or to let him know that it's okay to feel emotion about what he's going through. He's such a private person and keeps everything in order in his life. So he's harder to talk to than his left brained, mirror image twin brother. The other one is more emotional and would not have handled this cancer as well.
I'll wait and hear from you and thanks for the advice.