My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back! - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

User Tag List

 58Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-06-2014, 10:33 PM
Member
 
tom67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 10,667
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I am so sorry.
Just help and be there for him.

tom67 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-06-2014, 10:54 PM
Moderator
 
Coffee Amore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: At the local coffee shop
Posts: 3,141
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I'm sorry things are so tough. I hope the PET scan has a very good result. I wish all the best to him and the family.
Coffee Amore is offline  
post #63 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 10:35 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

tom67,
I wish he would let me, but they are so independent. I was fixing power, healthy drinks for him and he decided he didn't want any more. I think it was because I asked him to many questions as to which was his favorite as I made them for a week for him. Brendan is the twin that is so focused and determined, so he feels (like his parents have taught him) that if you think positive things will be better. The twins and there brother have been raised this way and that's how they lead there life. My husband and I always try to be one step ahead of things so we are not surprised by what could happen. So I wish we could do more to help him, but he wants to be independent and take care of himself. It's so sad for me as I love to help other's, especially my own grandchildren. So I can only pray for him. Thanks for your concern.
Granny7
Granny7 is offline  
 
post #64 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee Amore View Post
I'm sorry things are so tough. I hope the PET scan has a very good result. I wish all the best to him and the family.
Coffee Amore,
Thanks for the kind words. We are all praying that he gets good news from the PET Scan on 11/11. I can't imagine him going through surgery for 5 hrs. and it's such a dangerous one also. He's so thin already and was even before chemo started. That's why I tried making the energy drinks to help him out before the chemo and when it first started, but he said that he was doing okay and didn't need them anymore. That was all that I could do, but I honestly don't feel that he thought they were necessary. He was appreciative, but I think he just wants to focus on his Law job and get on with life, not protein drinks that he really needs to give him energy and help right now. You can't make him do what he doesn't want to do.

Thanks for your kindness,

Granny7
Granny7 is offline  
post #65 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 08:33 PM
EI
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,273
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I'm so sorry that your grandson has been dealt such a difficult hand. He seems very determined and strong. That has to be in his favor. He will remain in my prayers for as long as it takes. You, too, Granny. (((HUGS)))
EI is offline  
post #66 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by EI View Post
I'm so sorry that your grandson has been dealt such a difficult hand. He seems very determined and strong. That has to be in his favor. He will remain in my prayers for as long as it takes. You, too, Granny. (((HUGS)))
EI,
Thanks so much. Prayers create miracles. I can't believe that the doctor is making him wait till 11/11 to find out if he is okay and free of cancer. The chemo works for another 2 weeks, to the best of my knowledge after it has been done. Why make a person wait 3 weeks or more to get an answer and feel better knowing that you are free of cancer for right now?

This type of testicular cancer is so bad. You can get rid of it and do chemo and it can come back later in life. The only sure cure is the 5 hr. surgery that goes right to the cancer by the back bone. It's just such a tedious and a surgery with so many permanent complications that can affect a man for the rest of his life. None of us want this to happen, so I try not to think of it to often as it upsets me.

It's a good thing that he is such a positive person. It definitely has helped him get through this, along with his and everyone else's prayers. I keep putting him in God's hands to take care of.

Thank you for your continued support. I also need it right now. Back pain getting worse and marriage not doing well at all.

Granny7
Granny7 is offline  
post #67 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 04:11 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 54
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Am sorry to hear about your grandson. He will be in my prayers.
He seems determined and strong...please let him be. It's encouraging to find such a young man fighting hard against all odds. He does remind of my grandfather's resilience...never giving up on the situation and fighting as long as there is still breath.
May God keep guarding and guiding him.
IWantGreatMarriage is offline  
post #68 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-12-2014, 04:15 PM
Member
 
debster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 95
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Granny7 ~ I'm very sorry to hear about your grandson. I will keep him in my prayers.

To follow our journey digging our way out of $394K of debt, please visit debtdebs.com.
debster is offline  
post #69 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-12-2014, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by IWantGreatMarriage View Post
Am sorry to hear about your grandson. He will be in my prayers.
He seems determined and strong...please let him be. It's encouraging to find such a young man fighting hard against all odds. He does remind of my grandfather's resilience...never giving up on the situation and fighting as long as there is still breath.
May God keep guarding and guiding him.
IWantGreatMarriage,
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement about my twin grandson, Brendan's cancer. Yes, he is a fighter and never complains. His twin brother and his other brother are all the same. The glass is always have full for them. Nothing negative, wish Grandma could feel the same way sometime. I use to, but I worry more about things like what he is going through right now. I never dreamed this would happen to my grandson at all. It's so hard to accept as I love him so much, but I put on a brave face for him and the rest of his family. Inside my heart break's for him.

Thanks for the encouragement and prayers, it means a lot to me and the him, even though he doesn't know about it. He's very private and likes to keep his cancer to himself.

Blessings, Granny7
Granny7 is offline  
post #70 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-12-2014, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by debster View Post
Granny7 ~ I'm very sorry to hear about your grandson. I will keep him in my prayers.
debster,

Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers. It's so nice of you to think of him.

Granny7

Granny7 is offline  
post #71 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-13-2014, 07:31 PM
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 3,810
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!



Both you and your grandson are in my prayers. As hard as this is on him, I'm sure it's difficult for you as well to let him live his life and know there's not a thing you can do to "make him all better."

Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies * The Man Up Nice Guy Reference
Affaircare is online now  
post #72 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-14-2014, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post


Both you and your grandson are in my prayers. As hard as this is on him, I'm sure it's difficult for you as well to let him live his life and know there's not a thing you can do to "make him all better."
Affaircare,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Yes it's so hard for me, as he minimizes it, just like his whole family does. It's good to think positive as he does, along with his family, but I feel inside he is in emotional pain and I would love to talk to him about it. I don't think it's good to keep it bottled inside, but it's not something he is going to allow me to do. I get so sad and upset when I look at him and I see him with that pensive look on his face sometimes. I know he's got to either not feel good inside after the chemo or else, just knowing he's got cancer and there is nothing he can do about it.

Thank you for the candle. I also lit one for him at church also.

All we can do is pray that on 11/11 that it is all gone. That's my wish for him. God Bless Brendan

Granny7

Last edited by Granny7; 10-14-2014 at 09:01 AM. Reason: addition to post.
Granny7 is offline  
post #73 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-17-2014, 01:27 PM
Member
 
Affaircare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 3,810
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

May I make a suggestion, Granny? I realize this illness is "all about him" and not about you at all...but you mention that you think he's in emotional pain and you'd love to talk to him about HIS pain, and yet you do not share your pain with him.

What if you share with him YOUR experience and YOUR feelings, as a model of what that kind of deeper sharing is like. Yes, I'm sure part of your brain thinks, "He already has enough to deal with! He doesn't need my feelings too!" but he can see that pensive look on your face same as you can see it on his.

Maybe let him see that you are a human being same as him. This is the part I'd share:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny7 View Post
... Yes it's so hard for me, as he minimizes it ... I don't think it's good to keep it bottled inside, but it's not something he is going to allow me to do. I get so sad and upset when I look at him and I see him with that pensive look on his face sometimes. I know he's got to either not feel good inside after the chemo or else, just knowing he's got cancer and there is nothing he can do about it...
Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children and grandchildren is SHOW THEM a model of the exact behavior we would like them to imitate and let them see "what it's like."

Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this! * Weightlifter's Evidence Gathering Post for Newbies * The Man Up Nice Guy Reference
Affaircare is online now  
post #74 of 75 (permalink) Old 10-18-2014, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
May I make a suggestion, Granny? I realize this illness is "all about him" and not about you at all...but you mention that you think he's in emotional pain and you'd love to talk to him about HIS pain, and yet you do not share your pain with him.

What if you share with him YOUR experience and YOUR feelings, as a model of what that kind of deeper sharing is like. Yes, I'm sure part of your brain thinks, "He already has enough to deal with! He doesn't need my feelings too!" but he can see that pensive look on your face same as you can see it on his.

Maybe let him see that you are a human being same as him. This is the part I'd share:



Sometimes the best thing we can do for our children and grandchildren is SHOW THEM a model of the exact behavior we would like them to imitate and let them see "what it's like."
Affaircare,
Would you explain a little bit more about what you would want me to say to him? I have texted him before and told him, "That when you hurt, Grandma hurts and I hate that you are going through this." He responded back, that he was doing okay and getting through it.

As I said, I've only seen him twice since he's had his 2 months of treatments. It was about 10 days ago that I got to spend a few hours with him and his twin brother and that's when some pictures were taken and I could see the pain in his face. It broke my heart and to hug him and feel his bones. He minimizes it and tell's us that he hasn't lost any weight, but he was so thin to begin with.

My husband and I are taking the boys out to lunch next week. If I can get some time alone with just him I will do as you are suggesting. I feel he will brush it aside and will probably hear from my daughter the next day as to keeping things positive for Brendan. She keeps all her emotions inside also as does the whole family. The opposite of me and that's why they don't share a lot with me as they feel that I am to emotional and sensitive to things. That's my way of showing love, it's just me.

The part that you mentioned, is that what you wanted me to say to him? To put it into how I feel or to let him know that it's okay to feel emotion about what he's going through. He's such a private person and keeps everything in order in his life. So he's harder to talk to than his left brained, mirror image twin brother. The other one is more emotional and would not have handled this cancer as well.

I'll wait and hear from you and thanks for the advice.

Granny7
Granny7 is offline  
post #75 of 75 (permalink) Old 11-25-2014, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Tampa, Fl.
Posts: 589
Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny7 View Post
Affaircare,
Would you explain a little bit more about what you would want me to say to him? I have texted him before and told him, "That when you hurt, Grandma hurts and I hate that you are going through this." He responded back, that he was doing okay and getting through it.

As I said, I've only seen him twice since he's had his 2 months of treatments. It was about 10 days ago that I got to spend a few hours with him and his twin brother and that's when some pictures were taken and I could see the pain in his face. It broke my heart and to hug him and feel his bones. He minimizes it and tell's us that he hasn't lost any weight, but he was so thin to begin with.

My husband and I are taking the boys out to lunch next week. If I can get some time alone with just him I will do as you are suggesting. I feel he will brush it aside and will probably hear from my daughter the next day as to keeping things positive for Brendan. She keeps all her emotions inside also as does the whole family. The opposite of me and that's why they don't share a lot with me as they feel that I am to emotional and sensitive to things. That's my way of showing love, it's just me.

The part that you mentioned, is that what you wanted me to say to him? To put it into how I feel or to let him know that it's okay to feel emotion about what he's going through. He's such a private person and keeps everything in order in his life. So he's harder to talk to than his left brained, mirror image twin brother. The other one is more emotional and would not have handled this cancer as well.

I'll wait and hear from you and thanks for the advice.

Granny7
Affaircare,
I had a nice talk with Brendan when we went out to dinner with him and his twin brother. It was obvious that he didn't want to share his worries about his cancer. I did use myself as an example and he did say a few things, but you could tell that he would have rather focused on the nice dinner and conversation that we had enjoyed. He's a very strong man in so many ways.

I did let him know my feelings and he said that he knew how bad I felt for what he was going through. He still doesn't want to talk about it though. He just wants to focus on doing a good job at work. He's doing excellent and we are so proud of him and is getting great feedback at work.

His CT came back with good news after his chemo treatments were finished and it did get all the cancer, praise God and the doctors who treated him.

He will have another CT in 3 months, then in 6 or 9 months, more CT scans to follow, along with blood work for 3 yrs to be sure that it's all gone. They are following him very closely and he does everything they tell him to do. Thank the Lord that the cancer is gone for now and hopefully forever. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts.
Granny7

Last edited by Granny7; 11-25-2014 at 07:03 AM. Reason: left out things.
Granny7 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
advice, cancer, grandchildren, help me please, stressed

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice needed re son and grandson's new daddy situation, visititation etc. Caterpillar The Family & Parenting Forums 18 01-19-2013 12:22 PM
Worried for my 12 years old grandson. redrainbows The Family & Parenting Forums 3 03-16-2011 02:07 PM
Married to Twin...please help :( ThirdWheel The Ladies' Lounge 7 03-21-2008 10:38 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome