My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back! - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 07:29 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Everyone knows me as Granny7, on the infidelity site, but my name should tell you how devastated I am along with the whole family. I have never felt so helpless and sad in my life. This is worse than my husbands affair, just in a different way. He had testicular cancer on one side a year and a half ago. They did the surgery, took it out and could have had chemo then, But he was in his last semester of Law School, along with his twin brother and already had a job waiting for him. He had been with the same classmates for almost 7 yrs. and wanted to graduate with them.

The family met with the oncologist and their was only an 8 % chance of it coming back and it did. He just passed the bar 6 weeks ago, has been working 50 or more hours per week which is exhausting, but he loves his job and they think the world of him. I thought his parents went with his for the results of his CT Scan, but because his blood work came back fine, they felt everything was OKAY! So he found out the bad news by himself, to say he was in shock was an understatement. He called his Mom, crying on the phone and was basically in shock. His twin brother called, he told him along with his younger brother.

Testicular cancer only affects young men between ages 15 to about 30 yrs. of age. If you have son's, tell them to do self exams every month, as that's the way you find it.It's an aggressive kind of cancer and can reoccur at any time. Unfortunately his did and we are all devastated. He's a wonderful young man, polite, kind, a Christian and just a fine young man. This just stinks and I am so angry and sad at the same time. Once he got over the shock, he had to tell his boss at the Law Firm and so far they are being very cooperative. But he thinks that he is going to go for infusions of about 5 hrs. and then go into work. Maybe when he meets with his doctors this week, they will let him know that he's not being realistic. His body needs time to rest and heal, but his parents and my grandson's think that being positive that he can do what ever he's able to do. I agree with that to a certain point, but as my niece who is a hard working cancer patient, she told me that most people are not able to go right into work after infusions and work. Maybe later after he see's how hard this is going to be will be more realistic about what he can do. He has 4 days of aggressive chemo, then 2 weeks off and goes through this 4 separate times. He is already so thin and has lost even more weight since his first surgery. He never weighed much to begin with as his family is on the thin side and eat very health.

His biopsy is next week to see if it's the same type of cancer. It's in his lymph nodes in the stomach cavity. We are praying that it's not the kind that he will have to have surgery also, as it's a serious one and can affect him in so many ways. It's a 5 hr. surgery and very tedious and you have to have the best surgeon to do it.

His twin brother also has a 30% chance of getting it also, more so than his other brother. I made healthy smoothies for him to take to work and drink in between meals to put on some weight which is what his doctors want him to try and do before his chemo or surgery. Also the green drink that helps the toxins in your body and the cells also. The whole family is doing all that they can to take the stress off him and make his life easier for him and his brother's. His twin brother is studying for the bar in 3 weeks and has to pass it or he could loose his job. He missed one part of this 2 day, 7 hr. test by 2 points about 4 months ago, so he is under a lot of pressure also. He works hard all day at his Law Firm, comes home, studies, eats and goes to bed. He is so close to his twin brother and this is hitting him so hard, along with his younger brother. They are all trying to be positive, which is great. But I saw my grandson for the first time yesterday, as he's been working hard and she felt that he needed time to process this. Plus she felt that I would fall apart and she wants us to all stay strong around them for there sake.

Well, as I looked at my grandson last night for the first time, saw him wearing a long sleeve shirt in our 95 degree weather to hide his thin arms. He looked sad, like he was a million miles away, just thinking of what lay ahead of him. My heart aches for him. I know there are people with worse things than him and my heart goes out to them also. I just wanted to take him into another room and ask him, "Brendan, how are you really doing?" Put my arms around him and if I cried, I cried. Why do I have to hide my emotions of sadness and love for what he is dealing with? Are you suppose to bottle up your natural feelings of sadness, so you don't upset them? Isn't it a natural feeling to be sad? Has anyone had any experience with this kind of situation and how did you handle it? I'm looking for advice and I am having a horrible time dealing with this.

I'm also trying to hold a 52 yr. marriage after suffering from PTSD as my husband's 3 yr. affair came back to me about 3 yrs. ago. Things have not been going well as all the information that I wasn't able to handle over 25 yrs. ago, along with the lies he told kept me in the marriage. I so wish now that I had gotten a divorce at the age of 43. Now I am 70 and it's a much harder decision to make. None of the grandchildren know about there grandfather and would be devastated if they knew so the secret has to still kept. If I left him now, the questions would come and the family doesn't need it at this difficult time. Add to this, my 94 yr. old Dad's health isn't good and we could loose him at any time. The hard part is he lives 9 hrs. away from me, so I can't do much to help him. Life really isn't good right now, so any advice would be welcome.

Thanks for listening, I'm so sorry it's so long. If you believe in prayer, please pray for Brendan and the family. If not, positive thoughts are welcome also.

Blessings, Granny7

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post #2 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 08:50 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

so sorry, cancer is a horrible disease that indescriminate attacks anyone in any age, I hope for the best outcome for your grandson, he sounds like a fighter that does not give up easily, I really hope that he will be able to beat it again.

One of the reasons I probably screw all my relationships in my 20's http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...stay-kids.html
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post #3 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 08:52 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Sending your twin and you/your family big hugs. Be strong!
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post #4 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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so sorry, cancer is a horrible disease that indescriminate attacks anyone in any age, I hope for the best outcome for your grandson, he sounds like a fighter that does not give up easily, I really hope that he will be able to beat it again.
manticore,
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I need them so much right now. I wish I had the cancer, not him. He has his whole life ahead of him. He is so strong in his mind and if anyone can do it, he can. He's just so thin already and needs to try and get some weight on before he even starts the chemo, but he might only have a week to do so.
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post #5 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 09:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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Sending your twin and you/your family big hugs. Be strong!
I'm trying, but it is so hard. When it comes to my grandchildren, they are my heart.
Granny7
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post #6 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 09:35 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I'm so sorry, Granny. He will be in my thoughts.
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post #7 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-30-2014, 09:43 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Praying for you and your family Granny 7
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post #8 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-01-2014, 11:29 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

I am very sorry for the circumstances that you find yourself in. I do believe in Christ and I do believe in the power of prayer. Please know that I have lifted you and your whole family up this very moment.

Have you gone and seen a counselor at all? The pressure you are under right now can have a dramatic effect on your thoughts and your feelings. There is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions towards your grandson, but to always be crying in his presence can become a burden on him. Have you found other ways to communicate your love? I always enjoy writing cards and notes and sharing my feelings in that manner.

If you cannot go to a counselor maybe you can set up an appointment to see your Pastor. Sharing your feelings in a forum is ok but the personal touch of friends who care about you is irreplaceable. I know of a free counseling service done by a Christian Non-Profit organization. If you would like the information send me a private message. In the meantime, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings!
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post #9 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-01-2014, 11:38 AM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

My heart goes out to you, Granny. You have my best wishes for a quick recovery and and cure.
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post #10 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-01-2014, 11:39 AM
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My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Healing Aloha

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post #11 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-01-2014, 07:25 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Oh Granny, sending hugs to you and good thoughts to your Grandson.
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post #12 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-03-2014, 02:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers. His biopsy is scheduled on July 11, to see how many lymph nodes are affected and the extent of the cancer. I am praying that he only has to have chemo and not surgery also. I wish the biopsy was sooner, you would think they would be in a hurry to get to it before it does any more growing.

Blessings, Granny7
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post #13 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-04-2014, 12:42 PM
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

Granny, we are all praying for your twin grandsons and for you as well. We haven't forgotten you.
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post #14 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-04-2014, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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How are you doing in lite of all of this Granny. You doing ok?
tdwal,
No I am falling apart inside over my grandson. My marriage I think is basically over and I don't even care about life anymore, except for my grandchildren and there love. I just want to drive away and never come back, but I can't desert my grandson right now. I have no feelings left, my CH thinks that I am ruining our lives because I am living in the past. He says that it can't be undone so why keep going over and over it? I don't do that, it's just bottled up inside until I bring up one question, he gets angry and then I get so darn mad, that it's good there is no gun in my house. I hate the sight of him for doing what he did and messing up what I thought was a wonderful marriage and for over 3 yrs. That's a long time and he did love her and it still hurts. So No, I feel like crap right now. Sorry, I am just in a horrible mood, it's been a hard day and week for me. Thanks for caring though. My grandson's biopsy is July 11th. I wish they would do it sooner.

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post #15 of 75 (permalink) Old 07-04-2014, 09:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Twin 26 yr. Old Grandson's Cancer Has Come Back!

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I was watching the national news when I read your post and this came on. Maybe its a message.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ydnao9c0ad...2018.00.24.mp4
tdwal,
I couldn't understand what they were saying real good. The only words that I could understand was, "You never give up." Maybe you could tell me what else I missed? He wants me to totally forget what is causing me so much distress and he gets so angry that I won't. I have tried and did for 20 yrs. and it came back. He didn't try 30 yrs. ago to tell me the truth, it was nothing but lies for over yrs. and still would get angry when we talked about it. Not sad that he had hurt me, not remorseful, he didn't want to tell what happened, just shove it under the rug. His feelings for her, he minimized. Now 30 yrs. later he's telling me that he still had feelings for her and didn't want it to end, but she did. She told me so herself, that she had planned to end it that weekend, but according to his love letter he told her everything possible to keep her in his life. The letter from her BS told me it was still going on and I could never find any proof, but now I wonder if it still was? I know all this has been 30 yrs. ago, but those last 25 yrs. has still be not the best. You would have thought he would have tried to be the best husband possible, but he wasn't. He was still the same selfish person he always was. Also still tried to control me, but I didn't let that happen, but it was still a battle. So I'm not sure what the rest of the message was but I'm just so tired. I can't fight for anything anymore, there is nothing left in me. I just have to focus on my grandson from now on and get a new mattress so that I can sleep in another room from now on, till I can separate from him. Divorce isn't an option, insurance would be a big problem, along with other issues.

Thanks for trying to help, Granny7
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