Re: Husband's father has died, mother is ill and he refuses to seek help
My husband is 55, I'm in 43 and we have two preschool children. While I wouldn't say that this behavior is necessarily new, the depth of his anger has definitely intensified.
Here is an example, I deep cleaned our car prior to an upcoming long trip. In doing so, I bumped the rubber gasket that the door shuts into out of place. I pushed most of it back into place but most have missed a spot. I left the car door open so that the interior could continue to dry as I had steamed cleaned it. While I was walking our dogs, he went into the garage tried to close the car door and found he could not. When I returned from the walk, he started to quiz me asking me if I forgot to tell him anything. I had no idea what he was referring to. He started badgering me about failing to tell him about things that were broken and how it upset him greatly and asked did I forget to tell him something. Finally, I looked at him and asked him what the heck he was talking about and he told me about trying to shut the car door. At this point, I was ticked because he spent 15 minutes yelling at me about 'forgetting to tell him about broken things". I told him the car door was not broken and the gasket must be out of place somewhere and I would take care it. He then proceeded to yell at me over how I was so careless and multitude of other things.
Another example, I picked him up at the airport last night after visiting his mother for two days. In one of his texts prior to leaving SC and returning, he wrote that he had "finally cracked the case". When he got into the car, the first thing he said was did you see my text about Mr. X. I had no idea about what he was referring to and said so. He then went off on me that I should be reading emails and messages more thoroughly and not skimming them. His parents had been having problems with their AC and heating system for at least 1.5 years and the AC repairman kept saying the unit had to be replaced. We'll it turned out that ducts that connected it to unit to the house had been chewed away by an animal and so there was a gaping hole in the duct system allowing the cool air to escape before it reached the house. Obviously, he was upset that he figured this out after a year and that the AC person had not and fair to say that this is displaced anger. I do not know how to effectively deal with the rage when it is directed at me.