My husband and I have been together since we were in high school , over 20 years. I am now grieving the loss of our life together. A few years ago he was diagnosed with a fatal disease. He is living in a nursing home because I am unable to care for him. I work full time and have kids. I really miss having a partner. Even though I intend on sticking by him to the end I am really lonely and have a hard time thinking about going through life alone. I also miss not having sex. It's been a really long time. Am I supposed to give up the rest of my life? His disease could continue on for years! I know I got married for better or worse, sickness and health....I just never thought it would actually happen, especially in my 40's.
Any feed back would be really appreciated, thanks!
Im feeling the same way soOOO alone(but in a different way my partner is still here & refuses to talk to me) nobody to talk too wake up 4 am everyday & think & be sad I know how your feeling feel free to talk to me anytime.I FEEL YOUR PAIN ill be 44 soon so sorry your story is different then most on here.seek help it works
You can't pay attention to how many views you get. You can read posts on this site without being a registered user. But you can't post.
I can't in good faith advise you to just go ahead and have an affair...I don't believe in that on any level...regardless of the circumstances. I am so sorry for the situation you're in, though. Have you thought about counseling, so you can get some perspective? Can you take some time to do things that YOU like, that mean something to you? Something to give you SOME kind of spark in life?
I have to ask...have you considered divorce? Not many want to go through life alone. It might sound horrible, terrible to do something like that. Only you know how it would affect your emotional health. This is where a therapist might be able to offer some insight.
Thanks for the replies. I honestly don't see myself having an affair. That's just not me. When I got married it was forever, it's just really hard to know that I may spend many years alone. I see other couples and it just makes me sad. Divorce has crossed my mind, but more for financial reasons. It works out , that my kids and I are better off if we stay married. It's been a tough road.
When I got married it was forever, it's just really hard to know that I may spend many years alone. I see other couples and it just makes me sad. Divorce has crossed my mind, but more for financial reasons. It works out , that my kids and I are better off if we stay married. It's been a tough road.
JI10, for whatever it is worth, I think you are an AMAZING wife for sticking by his side and remaining faithful. Not many can do it, or they originally felt they can only to find in so much time, it is too much to bare. It takes very very special people to walk in your shoes, still feeling very young, sexual and vibrant at your age, but suddenly reduced to a Caretaker's role. While having to go through life watching other couples enjoy all the benefits of marraige while you sit alone .
I can only imagine the pain in that- and even this -chokes me up!
What my husband would want from me is to not leave him , but he would also not want me to suffer alone becaue of his fate, he would allow me to find someone to love, to be with me as he could not. In this, he cares for My happiness. I cried when he told me this. He knows he is my everything in this life, that no other could replace him or what we had together -but he also understands me, my weaknesses , my frailty, some things I simply could not bare.
That is just "our" undertstanding if the worst ever happened, which I pray it never does, just thinking about it is TOO MUCH.
I realize others will judge me for what I say here, but it is just another perspective. I do not see it as any less loving but many would. It really matters how you & your husband feel, how to best get through something that most will never experience in thier lifetimes.
Does your husband's illness affect body, mind or both? My friend's H has MS and and it's just her and her boys doing things. I don't know what she does for companionship if anything other than family and I don't ask. I don't judge. It's a heartbreaking situation for everyone! Posted via Mobile Device
SimplyAmorous thanks for making me feel better about myself. Sometimes I feel selfish for even thinking about myself and what I'm missing out on. My husband is the one really suffering. Even though we have had some really bad times I know that he really loves me
golfergirl, It affects both. He needs help with most everything. Last summer was absolute hell. He became verbally and physically abusive, so much so that I found it necessary to protect my kids. As hard as it is dealing with a sick spouse what's harder is knowing that it's a genetic disease and each of my kids has a 50/50 chance of inheriting the gene. It can strike at any age. I try to give my kids the best life possible and try not to let it consume me.
From what you say here, I am wondering if it is Huntington's.
You are not at all selfish, you are just Human, and this is no sin to FEEL as you do. Sometimes we just need to be listened too , understood & just plain accepted for where we are. To help us get through another day.
I mentioned this to my husband last night, how some feel it might be better to divorce, he looks at me & says -"so it is all reduced to what is on paper then?" and I thought to myself
"Yeah, I guess it is".
I really dont see how divorcing would be any easier, or moral really, for you, for him, for the children, then the added financial burden on top. You stood by this man your entire life, you want to do right by him, in the best way YOU can -this may not please everyone. To divorce and walk away, how could this possibly be better -If you want to remain by his side & see him through this. It sounds as though you do, for now anyway.
I take it the physical and verbal abuse had something to do with this disease, maybe his anger over it , what he can not control ?
Outside the walls of that Nursing Home, you still have a life to live and enjoy. Your children will need a happy & whole mother to raise them, not one who is withering from lack of touch & aloneness. You deserve happiness too, this will only help you be there for him, for your children and all you may face in life.
Your are right, it is huntington's disease. Most people have never heard of it. I hadn't until his diagnosis. It does feel good to be able to express my thoughts especially to people who don't know me. For the most part I think that I'm doing well. I tend to be a happy and positive person. I just have my moments. I just wish that he was here and healthy to share everything with. Life will go on and I will do the best I can for my kids. I also want them to know that I will stick by their Dad. I really want to be a good role model.
I have a friend whose husband has this, he is in a wheelchair now, so far she takes care of him at home, very loving woman, very loyal wife & Mother. I know she keeps herself very busy, particularly with Church & Children's ministry. She often brings him to functions. She has a passion for these things (always was a big part of her life), I am sure she is using this outlet to refuel her emotional batteries to keep it all together.
I knew about this disease before hearing of him though. Just from reading. That was enough, when she told me what he had, my heart sank for him and for her family. It is one of those things where you just want to scream to God and say "WHY". Life is just not fair.
This is good that you are generally a Happy & positive person, this will help you tremendously. My friend is also. Some scripture says God will not give you more than you can handle. (1 Cor 10:13) I personally question that one, but it does appear to be true for my friend & her husband so far. She is a shining example. It will help you to find others , even if online, to connect with and share your situations.
Maybe your friend already knows, but if not have her check into RNAI. It looks very promising and may be a virtual cure for HD. The HD community is very excited about it. If it works it may even reverse symptoms. Trials on people possibly in about 2 years. I give your friend a lot of credit because I tried to care for my husband and i just could not do it. Mostly because of his anger issues, which we could not get under control.
I'm not sure if i agree with that scripture or not. I think we have been given more than our share of bad times. I won't bore you with all that has happened over the past few years, but we are definitely ready for good things.