katharina

What do you think the differences are between grieving over a loss through
divorce (especially if the partner was loved previously) and a loss through
the death of a partner? By the same token, how are the two exactly
alike?

JustMe

I think (some of) the difference is, when a loved one dies, we tend to remember the good things about them and the times we shared with them. When we do happen to think about the not so good parts, we forgive more easily because there's nothing at that point that can be done to change them. Also, although the loss, whether sudden, or after a long illness, still hurts like hell, it's a cleaner break so to say. There's no chance that you're going to run into them on the street and have all the initial saddness from losing them come rushing back. I know we'll find pictures of the person, or a favorite article of clothing, etc...but that's not quite the same as seeing them somewhere, especially if it's an (ex)spouse with another love interest!!

But I do think there are similarities in the feeling of extreme loss in divorce. In fact, I think divorce is worse because it can be very long and drawn out and you still feel like you want to fix whatever it is that went wrong.

Does that make any sense?

katharina

It makes perfect sense and was an excellent answer.
I think you're right... death is so final that we're forced
to close it up but with divorce, there's a whole future
that we can't "control" or even predict.

Doubt&Wonder

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))))


After loosing my only daughter at the young tender age of 10 - I can honestly say that TIME, FAMILY & FRIENDS that support and listen well are the best way to over come the loss of a loved one.

And - NEVER forget to CRY when you feel the NEED......... even if it is years later.



((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))))

riskey58

I think it is a completely different kind of loss. When you lose someone from death. it is something that you are not prepared for.

Tag

Separation by death is like forever, you can never tell the person you love them, etc. Divorce...well, there's always a chance you'll run into the ex somewhere or the other.

tater03

I guess it would just in some ways depend on how the divorce played out. I mean if it was something that you may not have wanted it could feel like you have lost someone forever. But in the end I would have to say that to me death is usually sudden and not wanted at all. There is no going back with death.

mollyL

My aunt and uncle were on the verge of divorce for the longest time. They simply couldn't get on without each other, and so they divorced after like thirty five years of marriage. My uncle, who was always a bit of a drinker, started getting arrested for drunk driving, and started being drunk all the time; five years later he died of respiratory and liver issues. Everyone had come to the realization that he'd basically died of a broken heart over the divorce. My aunt, who had basically just been mad at him the whole time, totally went over the brink at his funeral, wailing and freaking out. I think that was about the saddest thing I'd ever seen, seeing that it was too late for them to reconcile.

Green-Moo

I think that in the case of an unwanted divorce, you can keep picking at the scab if you'll excuse the term. It's possible to keep revisiting old ground and thus keep the wound open. It's possible to keep unlikely dreams alive when the object of them is also alive.

Green-Moo

sarahdale24

I think it's a complete difference. I've been through both a divorce and a death of a loved one.

__________________
"I'd rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special" from the movie 'Steel Magnolias'