Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Fly Over Country
Re: Wife who is grieving over ex who killed himself
I wrote my post some time ago and I am sorry that things still haven't gotten any better. I was kind of afraid of that. When I wrote earlier I referred to your wife as an "alpha Widow". Literally. Here is what I meant in detail.
Rollo Tomassi, of Rational Male, laid out a concept of an "alpha widow". This is a woman who sleeps with alphas in her 20s and, as a result, refuses to "compromise" for a beta male later on (or does so, grudgingly). This is true even in the case (and is mostly the case) where the alpha male discards the woman unceremoniously after he has his way with her. She still holds him above all others whatever his poor behavior and pines over him, sometimes for decades.
His death was a trigger for her for sure but I suspect this is what was beneath the surface all along. The death just brought it out in the open. Your exemplary behaviors which I and others on this board find good and decent just reminded her your "betaness" as compared to the dead alpha. Especially highlighted by the fact that you are willing to support and raise the alpha's child. You would think she would be grateful. And maybe she appeared to be on the outside but on a subconscious level I think she believed it to be an open acknowledgement by you of your inferiority. I know this is harsh. I know it sounds very primitive. And I hate saying but it just seems so true in your case that I think it important that you understand what you are dealing with so you can deal with her with eyes wide open.
Sorry, but I don't know if its fixable or even if you should try and fix it. I would start thinking about all my options.