Re: Wife who is grieving over ex who killed himself
Put another way, being accused of being controlling/jealous/insecure should be expected, and taken for exactly what it is: a ploy to make you back off your boundaries. Why do you care if she "accuses" you of those things? What if you are? Does that make the situation any different? Are your feelings and viewpoints important in any part of the marriage, or just ignored on this issue?
You might respond with asking why she feels the need to be a deadbeat Dad's widow all of a sudden, while simultaneously alienating the GOOD man in her life. If you're not being acknowledged/respected for all that you do - why are you still there? The "fog"-like situation she finds herself in may take drastic measures from you to shake her out of it. It's clear from the picture you paint so far (if it is accurate) that she takes you entirely for granted. Under what circumstances would she accept being called a "baby" when she brings up a complaint? Consider that for just a moment. It should make your blood boil. If it doesn't - there's probably not much anyone here can do for you, and you should seek individual counseling.