How Do You Grieve A Relationship?

RitaRee · 07-30-2011, 02:21 AM

Hi, thanks for reading.

I need to grieve my former relationship. I know I feel sad and anxious. But I dont know how to express that---in a constructive way.

Today, for the first time I tried to "grieve". I listened to break up songs and looked at our old pictures. I felt some sadness. But I didn't have any Niagra Falls-tears about it, like I thought I was supposed to.

I'm worried if this means I'm sadder than I think I am, or if something's wrong with me.

Advice please?

Riverside MFT · 07-30-2011, 02:27 AM

I have learned that grieving is a process that you can't force. It has to come by itself. Trying to force your way through the grieving process may make you move forward faster than you should. People also grieve in different ways. Some people need to grieve before they can move forward, and some need to start moving forward before they are able to grieve. I would say to just let it happen naturally.

RitaRee · 07-30-2011, 03:53 AM

Hmm, the moving on vs. grieving thing is a new insight for me, thank you.

BUT, as far as "moving on too soon", hahaha, how is THAT? That sounds great to me. I'd want to move on from this, the sooner, the better.

CLucas976 · 08-01-2011, 03:25 PM

Grieving is a huge process.

I left in february. I am STILL grieving. It's not about looking at sad pictures and listening to break up songs. I have to find it in me to be ok with the time spent with stbx, the events that happened, and what that makes me feel about myself.

I don't cry, a few tears if anything. but Grieving is not sitting around feeling sad for a day and then suddenly magically being better the next day.

a break up, especially in a long term relationship is a loss. a big loss. Forcing it will only lead to a bigger breakdown later on.

Michelle S. · 08-08-2011, 10:22 AM

I am not a big fan of "moving on" terminology but rather moving fwd, meaning taking the experiences that you have learned from this former relationship and carrying them with you on to future prospects. Grieving is a process that cannot be rushed but rather a process that you need to work through and deal with. You can try to run away and keep busy but grief will continue to visit if you keep stuffing down your feelings, so let them out, journal them out. talk to someone about it, process it and you will see that with time, patience with yourself, faith and working through you will get to the other side. Good luck