I did try to do that with 2 "friends" who I used to see regularly as our kids are the same age, but they started acting weird around me. One of them is currently 7 months pregnant now and she would throw it in my face about her pregnancy and how easy it was for her, as she'll now have 3 kids under 4 years old. She then threw the weight issue in too, as she is considered morbidly obese and she's pregnant, while I'm at a healthy weight and can't get pregnant. What "friends" I had, so I have sense then stopped talking to them.
Wow, that's a very discouraging pattern. The morbidly obese woman was obviously just rationalizing her weight. A good decision to distance yourself from those women.
You're at a difficult time right now with the diverging life paths among your age peers. I was the first among my close circle to get married and have babies, by about 5 years.
How has your husband been in terms of emotionally supporting you during this time? Do you feel supported by him, like you can reach out to him, vent your sorrow and fear, and feel heard? Maybe I'm projecting but I suspect that a husband giving emotional support to his wife after a miscarriage would be a learned
skill. So he may need some training on this?
I haven't had the courage to share with anyone else since then because I don't want it to end the same. I have had many bad experiences in the past with friends being unsupportive, so I'm always afraid to let people in. Most of my "friends" abandoned me when I had surgeries in the past, when I would need them the most, so I tend to keep to myself. The only good friends I had in the past who were there through thick and thin are at a completely different place in life, as they're both still single, while I'm married with a 2 year old. We've sadly grown more and more apart because we just don't have much in common any more.
Remember that Girl Scout song? "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." You're at an emotionally vulnerable stage right now and the tendency to keep to yourself to protect yourself might not be in your best interest right now. You never know exactly who you're surrounded by, who will be there and who will not until you ask. And yes you're so right, asking is soooooo hard.
I have thought of at least telling family, but I also know my mom can't keep secrets, so I don't know if I should trust telling her this. I lied and said I had a "horrible period" when she asked why my husband stayed home from work the day I started miscarrying. I don't know if she suspects anything, but I haven't shared with her yet. Every time we see her, I just keep praying she won't bring up the topic of having another child.
Who would your Mom tell? Are these people close to you as well,mor just close to her? Are you concerned how they might treat you if they knew? I guess what I'm asking is, does your Mom tell these people because she is seeking support in order to support you?
Would your Mom respect your wishes if you asked her to not share this with others? Maybe having this discussion with your Mom is necessary?
My oldest two are about your age (29 and 25) and I know they tell each other stuff before they tell me. The only one who tells me first is my youngest but again, she usually goes to her older sisters first. While this is happening right now due to a host of stressors happening and they don't want to add to my worries at the moment, it concerns me that this might become The Pattern.
I guess what I'm saying is that as a mother, I would be terribly upset if any of my daughters didn't share something this important with me. I would be terribly hurt by their lack of trust and I would want to know that they don't trust me, why they don't trust me and how I could rectify that so it wouldn't be a factor in our relationship.
So give your Mom a chance to be what you need her to be by confiding in her and explaining you need to know you can trust her.