Firefly_99

i've been married for a yr and have been with my husband since we were in highschool. he has totally changed, he gets angry at anything, fights with his family and me over money, can be verbally abusive to me and put me down.. hes just never happy anymore, everything pisses him off to the point where no one wants to be around him...i just want him to be happy with himself again...there is a backstory to his behavior...in a nut shell...he tragically lost his brother last year...his mom had a stroke and is in the hospital...we take care of his 80 yr old grandfather...i dont know what to do! how can i help him! i want him to be a happy loving person again but i feel like im losing him...

HappyAtLast

Sounds like he may be suffering from severe depression...has he talked to a professional about this? He (and you, too) has had a lot to deal with and I think a person can only take so much and then they snap.

shenox

I think your husband need some change, maybe going for a trip with him or do some things he likes. Friends can help your husband if he has any good ones. Don't let him feel heavy.

B1

happyatlast is probably right, he's depressed. And also in need of counseling both of which will be tough to get him to do. Hopefully you can convince him to see a Dr. and get counseling.

loosing his brother, then dealing with sick mom and being a caregiver can take it's toll.

perhaps you could also get some counseling.
maybe seeing you go would help him go?
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indiecat

When he snaps tell him that you know he's had a terrible year, but it won't help to hurt the ones who love him.

You could offer to go to the doctor with him, tell him that there are treatments for the stress he is under.

davew

From a guy that sees this daily in my line of work
He is depressed.
You can go the medication route but in my opinion I would start by going somewhere as a couple and seeing if you can create a weekend of special memories that hopefully he can turn to when he is feeling low.
It might help him lean on you more and create a bond.
If not there is people to talk to and medications to help.
What do I know though. I'm on this board because of relationship problems.

wraphd

It's common for men to not be able to express/experience vulnerable feelings (for your husband it could be sadness/depression, but that is not the only possibility. He could be feeling guilt, or loneliness, or anxiety about his own mortality) and to convert those feelings into anger instead. Brainstorm with him when he is calm about what he may be feeling and see if you can help him begin to put it into words. Keep in mind too that sudden changes in mood and behavior like this can be a sign of substance abuse.

aprice17

I feel for you, really. Money can't buy happiness... they say, but I see many good folks turning bad because of it. I wish you both the grace to endure that challenge. There are many precious moments in life without a price tag.. Stay strong