Thank you for paying attention. While that is something I could contemplate, it really is not my business at this point. Although, it is an important fact to know, I will concern myself with the present situation because I want to make sure they are comfortable. When things settle down I will readdress that. My thoughts are that they were not happy so the last thing I want to give more attention to is the unhappiness. I prefer to move forward. Your thoughts?
At this time don't mention it. Best thing to do is stay back and let her and the kids grieve and do what they need to do. Stay frosty and and don't make a nuisance out of yourself. Definitely don't be needy.
Later on, however, if you and her continue to get more serious, her past history is indeed your business. This isn't your first stroll down marital lane, and its not hers either. You got burned in your last marriage and you have every right to make sure that doesn't happen again. If the two of you were both single, never been married before, then yeah...I could see her not having to share every detail of her past frolics with you. But she was a married woman and how she behaved during that marriage becomes your concern if your plan is to tie the knot with her. You told us that she admitted to cheating or having some kind of revenge affair on her husband. What was the nature of that affair? Was it the only one? Was it a long term affair or a ONS? I think these are perfectly legitimate questions to ask her. If she loves and respects you and wants to go into a deeper relationship with no bones in the closet, then she should be willing to be honest with you. If not, then that is a sign she will not make a trustworthy partner.
A marriage is a contract...a business partnership. If you were the president of a corporation, and you were considering merging with another company, the first thing you would do is have your lawyer do a credit check, bankruptcy search, audit history, and outstanding lien report done on that company to make sure they are a legit operation. You would investigate every nook and cranny of that company's past business dealings before making your decision. Because the decision you make affects so many people, not just yourself. Well, marriage is no different.
See, to me, your relationship with her has REBOUND written all over it. These relationships rarely ever work out in the long run, because the two people tend to rush in without doing the required reconnaissance on each other up front. I recommend you slow down and back off. Back way way off and let her and the kids get settled into their new reality. Help them when they ask for it, but I wouldn't extend yourself out too far. Then take your time. Wait several months and see where the relationship goes. And do not let her rush you or take advantage of you.