My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #46 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 09:03 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

You said several times that you can back off and give her space, but yet, you keep pushing for contact.

Let her mark the pace. If you mean anything to her, she will want to be with you when she is ready.

For now, back off and wait.

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post #47 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 09:31 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
Today she decided not to answer any text messages from me. I think she is taking the time to her self whether I like it or not. I do not find it fair after standing by her side from day 1 that she just ignores me. Call me selfish but it does not feel good, not 1 bit.
You did this unknowingly. You are an honest, forthright man. You told her that you feel used [because] during her grieving time, she ignored you.

This must have been true. Feeling maybe a little guilty, she felt the best thing to do was to break it off with you.

Do the 180. Do not contact her.

If this turns around it will happen as a result of her efforts.

Good luck.

Life is Good.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #48 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 10:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by 2asdf2 View Post
You said several times that you can back off and give her space, but yet, you keep pushing for contact.

Let her mark the pace. If you mean anything to her, she will want to be with you when she is ready.

For now, back off and wait.
Thanks for your reply 2asdf2. I am doing my best with backing off, I deal with my own demons and insecurities the best I can. Thank you though for the reminder. It is appreciated.

Last edited by TeesJeep1; 10-09-2016 at 07:15 AM.
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post #49 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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You did this unknowingly. You are an honest, forthright man. You told her that you feel used [because] during her grieving time, she ignored you.

This must have been true. Feeling maybe a little guilty, she felt the best thing to do was to break it off with you.

Do the 180. Do not contact her.

If this turns around it will happen as a result of her efforts.

Good luck.

Life is Good.
Thanks for your response SunCMars. I am doing that starting tonight. Funny enough as these conversations were being written I received a text from her. I am not going to respond right at this moment. I will wait till next week.
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post #50 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 11:15 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Initiating contact and responding to contact are two different breeds of crocodile.
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post #51 of 92 (permalink) Old 09-30-2016, 12:28 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

She's going to keep stringing you along.

End it. Stop responding and move on. She does not want to get back together with you.
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post #52 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 06:06 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

@TeesJeep1 she probably loves you but now will be feeling tremendous guilt.

She may feel responsible for her husband killing himself.

"If I hadn't filed for divorce and got together with TJ, husband wouldn't have killed himself and my kids would still have their dad.

"I can't see TJ at least for the moment. I feel so torn up and guilty."

THIS is what abusive spouses do to their partners!

Their abuse can continue even after the death of the abuser!
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post #53 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-09-2016, 07:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@TeesJeep1 she probably loves you but now will be feeling tremendous guilt.

She may feel responsible for her husband killing himself.

"If I hadn't filed for divorce and got together with TJ, husband wouldn't have killed himself and my kids would still have their dad.

"I can't see TJ at least for the moment. I feel so torn up and guilty."

THIS is what abusive spouses do to their partners!

Their abuse can continue even after the death of the abuser!
Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for the response MattMatt. We are communicating again on a daily basis now and are working on a resolve. You are right about her feeling the guilt. She has been feeling a lot of guilt so she started working with a therapist and it seems to be helping. I try shut up these days and listen more than anything else, it works. I am working on myself at the same time so I can be more supportive and give her the space she needs. You hit the nail on the head with your comments.
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post #54 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-09-2016, 01:36 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
Thanks for the response MattMatt. We are communicating again on a daily basis now and are working on a resolve. You are right about her feeling the guilt. She has been feeling a lot of guilt so she started working with a therapist and it seems to be helping. I try shut up these days and listen more than anything else, it works. I am working on myself at the same time so I can be more supportive and give her the space she needs. You hit the nail on the head with your comments.
@TeesJeep1 And how, you might ask, did I know?

I was in a similar situation to you many years ago.

Hopefully you can both resolve this to your mutual satisfaction.

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post #55 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 05:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@TeesJeep1 And how, you might ask, did I know?

I was in a similar situation to you many years ago.

Hopefully you can both resolve this to your mutual satisfaction.
@MattMatt, I would appreciate any other advice you can give me and I am wondering how your relationship has turned out with this person?

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post #56 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 05:43 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@MattMatt, I would appreciate any other advice you can give me and I am wondering how your relationship has turned out with this person?
It was a long time ago. Blimey! Nearly 30 years!

The best thing I can suggest is that she needs professional counselling to help her get through a very tough time.

What can you do? Just be there for her.

And me and that person? Still together after 27 years.

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post #57 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 06:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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It was a long time ago. Blimey! Nearly 30 years!

The best thing I can suggest is that she needs professional counselling to help her get through a very tough time.

What can you do? Just be there for her.

And me and that person? Still together after 27 years.
@MattMatt, that is the most uplifting piece of information I have heard since this began. Truly uplifting and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I am going to see her this evening and this has lifted my spirit, thank you.
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post #58 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 07:11 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
@MattMatt, that is the most uplifting piece of information I have heard since this began. Truly uplifting and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I am going to see her this evening and this has lifted my spirit, thank you.
Good luck to both of you.

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post #59 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 07:17 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Jeep,
I hope you both have a nice evening. It's great that you got some inspiring advice.
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post #60 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 07:44 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

You're being friend-zoned man.
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