My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #61 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

@MattMatt, A question for you? She says that after being with me she always feels guilty. Anything I can do before or after hanging out to help relieve this?

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post #62 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 11:41 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

I was trying to add a link but don't know how.
Jeep, the guilt is normal. It's normal even if she'd been divorced already. Let her know that, and hopefully you can both be patient. Maybe you can get a therapist for yourself. Then with no pressure on her, invite her to a few sessions if she can handle it. If not, I'm sure therapy will help you deal with your side of this, which in turn will help her.
I married a widower and years later he has his moments, especially around the month she died and the week or so they wed. And it's okay, even though she's been gone 8 years. Maybe in the future it will be like that, but more since she has kids.

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post #63 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 05:08 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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I was trying to add a link but don't know how.
Jeep, the guilt is normal. It's normal even if she'd been divorced already. Let her know that, and hopefully you can both be patient. Maybe you can get a therapist for yourself. Then with no pressure on her, invite her to a few sessions if she can handle it. If not, I'm sure therapy will help you deal with your side of this, which in turn will help her.
I married a widower and years later he has his moments, especially around the month she died and the week or so they wed. And it's okay, even though she's been gone 8 years. Maybe in the future it will be like that, but more since she has kids.
Hi, @Seasong. To add a link just type or copy and past the url into the edit field and when you press enter the link should be there.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #64 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 05:11 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@MattMatt, A question for you? She says that after being with me she always feels guilty. Anything I can do before or after hanging out to help relieve this?
Just be there for her. And please make sure she gets the help that she needs from professional counsellors.

Her ex did a number on her -that's what abusers do- and he probably got into her head making out that all the bad stuff in their marriage was her fault.

And that's going to take years to resolve.

And the children are going to need professional help, too.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #65 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 05:41 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

How many affairs did she have during her marriage? Did you ever get to the bottom of that? Or does that just get glossed over?
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post #66 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 05:42 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@MattMatt, A question for you? She says that after being with me she always feels guilty. Anything I can do before or after hanging out to help relieve this?
Yeah.

Walk away and never look back. This isn't love man. She's setting you up for some hurt.
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post #67 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Just be there for her. And please make sure she gets the help that she needs from professional counsellors.

Her ex did a number on her -that's what abusers do- and he probably got into her head making out that all the bad stuff in their marriage was her fault.

And that's going to take years to resolve.

And the children are going to need professional help, too.
@MattMatt, she and her children are seeing a counselor. I am seeing one as we, the one we started seeing together, before the instance with the husband.

Last edited by TeesJeep1; 10-11-2016 at 04:14 PM.
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post #68 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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How many affairs did she have during her marriage? Did you ever get to the bottom of that? Or does that just get glossed over?
@Bandit, she has told me about 3 specific instances.
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post #69 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Yeah.

Walk away and never look back. This isn't love man. She's setting you up for some hurt.
@Bandit, I appreciate your view and comment. I do not view this though in the same light as you, although I will listen to your perspective.
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post #70 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 09:09 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@Bandit, I appreciate your view and comment. I do not view this though in the same light as you, although I will listen to your perspective.
I just worry for you man. Past performance is an indicator of future behavior.

Just watch your back...alright?

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post #71 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 04:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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I just worry for you man. Past performance is an indicator of future behavior.

Just watch your back...alright?
@bandit.45, I believe in the fact that everything is universal. That being said your comment of past performance is an indicator of future behavior holds weight. I am choosing not to focus on that because it is not something I fear, as a matter of fact I really do not give it much attention at all because we were seeing a couples therapist during our time seeing each other because of this issue and our past relationship errors. From the start we really knew we wanted this to work out and knew we have to put in the effort to make that happen. I will though, watch my back. She is truly a remarkable person and is coming along well, sometimes. Thank you for the concern it is warranted and appreciated.
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post #72 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 04:36 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

She is going to fvck you up down the road.

Those three affairs weren't accidents. They were not aberrations of character. She did those things. She had the wherewithal, capacity and desire to do them.
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post #73 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 05:04 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@Bandit, she has told me about 3 specific instances.
3 affairs on the ex or you? I hope she is getting some really strong IC because these things just don't go away. Usually they are brought on by deep seeded emotional issues that need to be worked on. That takes hard work with good counselors. Many times there is an underlying personality disorder, or some severe trauma.

@bandit.45 in his own "delicate" style is right. Better have you eyes open in what you are getting yourself into.

Last edited by sokillme; 01-15-2017 at 11:48 PM.
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post #74 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 11:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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3 affairs on the ex or you? I hope she is getting some really strong IC because these things just don't go away. Usually they are brought on by deep ceded emotional issues that need to be worked on. That takes hard work with good counselors. Many times there is an underlying personality disorder, or some severe trauma.

@bandit.45 in his own "delicate" style is right. Better have you eyes open in what you are getting yourself into.
@sokillme, the instances were with the ex.
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post #75 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 01:24 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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@sokillme, the instances were with the ex.
TJ1 let me tell you something. I mean no disrespect but, Life is hard. The only thing that keeps marriages and relationships together when life is hard is character. That's it. Right now this woman's actions in the past have shown that she is lacking. You are taking a very big risk. I would think long an hard about what you are doing. If you move on it will be months of pain, if you stay and she cheats on you depending on when it happens it could mean a lifetime.

It could end up meaning 20% of your salary and 50% of your positions one day. If you have more kids it could mean only seeing them half of the time.

I will let it go at that.
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