My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #76 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 02:18 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Bandit is spot on. I was a rebound early this year with a female. She denied the rebound but I knew better.

She wasn't mean or spiteful.... at least not to me. My gut warned me... I watched for the tell-tell

signs. They were all there. I ended it. We still talk but it's most her asking advice. Nothing more...


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #77 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-17-2016, 06:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

@sokillme, thank you for your perspective.
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post #78 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:05 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

@TeesJeep1

Let me get this straight....

1) You've only been dating 5 months.

2) She is a serial cheater who had three affairs (that you know of)

3) Including the now dead ex, this woman has enough emotional baggage for a cruise around the world.

And you want to continue to date her?!? You can't possible be this desperate for a gf.

Are you crazy? She has more red flags than a communist parade.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #79 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:49 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
@TeesJeep1

Let me get this straight....

1) You've only been dating 5 months.

2) She is a serial cheater who had three affairs (that you know of)

3) Including the now dead ex, this woman has enough emotional baggage for a cruise around the world.

And you want to continue to date her?!? You can't possible be this desperate for a gf.

Are you crazy? She has more red flags than a communist parade.
I'm thinking this is unncessary, uncalled for and inaccurate.

My GF of 5 years cheated on her husband towards the end of the marriage, multiple times. Their marriage had completely broken down, he was abusive, she wanted out, and she, well.. acted out. We sometimes talk about what she did, and I realize that she was in a very bad place with him, it took years to get there and most importantly, he and I are not the same person, nothing like each other so the way she acted towards him has no bearing on the way she acts or will act with me.

To look at a person's history of cheating and say "they did it with him or her, so they'll do it with you!", makes one major blunder. It doesn't include the CONTEXT.

I'll take it a step further and state that I would never get married again, not only because of my past experience including a nasty divorce, but because the legal construct of marriage can trap people in a relationship they cannot easily get out of which makes cheating more likely.

But I digress from my main point which is, he's enjoying the time with her, the intimacy is good or even great despite the fact that GF is suddenly faced with the untimely death of her ex and the associated guilt.

She'll get over it eventually and they could be just fine.

He found someone with whom he clicks, to say he's CRAZY and she's got enough baggage to cruise around the world based on what is written on this thread is extremely shortsighted and presumptive to say the least.
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post #80 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 03:54 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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To look at a person's history of cheating and say "they did it with him or her, so they'll do it with you!", makes one major blunder. It doesn't include the CONTEXT.
Morality doesn't require context. That would presume justification for cheating. There is no justification for it. As you said she "acted out". She had other options, she choose the sh!tty one.

Now if OP wants to take the risk and continue to date a person like he described. It's a free country, he can do whatever he wants. JUST DON'T BE SHOCKED when you catch a knife in your back.

You're right, maybe she did learn her lesson like your gf. But with so many fish it the sea, it's a foolish risk to take. Though even foolish risks pan out sometimes purely on luck.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #81 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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I'm thinking this is unncessary, uncalled for and inaccurate.

My GF of 5 years cheated on her husband towards the end of the marriage, multiple times. Their marriage had completely broken down, he was abusive, she wanted out, and she, well.. acted out. We sometimes talk about what she did, and I realize that she was in a very bad place with him, it took years to get there and most importantly, he and I are not the same person, nothing like each other so the way she acted towards him has no bearing on the way she acts or will act with me.

To look at a person's history of cheating and say "they did it with him or her, so they'll do it with you!", makes one major blunder. It doesn't include the CONTEXT.

I'll take it a step further and state that I would never get married again, not only because of my past experience including a nasty divorce, but because the legal construct of marriage can trap people in a relationship they cannot easily get out of which makes cheating more likely.

But I digress from my main point which is, he's enjoying the time with her, the intimacy is good or even great despite the fact that GF is suddenly faced with the untimely death of her ex and the associated guilt.

She'll get over it eventually and they could be just fine.

He found someone with whom he clicks, to say he's CRAZY and she's got enough baggage to cruise around the world based on what is written on this thread is extremely shortsighted and presumptive to say the least.

Your free to believe that if you want, but I believe it is YOU who are shortsighted. Personally I believe people have character or not. Character takes years to build. Those who don't have it usually don't get it later in life. At least not with out a lot of work, and a whole hell of desire.

People who cheat have bad coping mechanisms and will revert to what they have done in the past unless they learn better behavior, this has to be worked on and learned. This is why cheaters usually needs years of therapy to address their problems. From the sounds of it this guys SO has not done that. It's a big risk.

Last edited by sokillme; 01-15-2017 at 10:50 PM.
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post #82 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-19-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Morality doesn't require context. That would presume justification for cheating. There is no justification for it. As you said she "acted out". She had other options, she choose the sh!tty one.
I don't know that it reflects morality. It could reflect, I don't know.. impulsivity and momentary loss of reason in the face of overwhelming anxiety and feelings of helplessness from being trapped in an abusive dead end relationship. It could very well be that that particular person would only ever take the sh!ty route when they are in that particular situation with that particular partner. But whatever, there's a history, there's always a possibility. Then again there's nothing to say that someone with no history will not cheat. Every cheater has a first time, ya know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Now if OP wants to take the risk and continue to date a person like he described. It's a free country, he can do whatever he wants. JUST DON'T BE SHOCKED when you catch a knife in your back.
Getting involved with a person is always a risk. You never know what a person is really capable of. Oftentimes they don't even know. Marrying a person is most definitely the act of the insane, I figured that one out too late but it's a mistake I won't repeat nor will countless others; and yet there are some that meet that definition of insanity and keep getting married and divorced thinking next time will be the one that makes all the failures worth all the trouble.

But for those young folks that haven't experienced the life changing pain of divorce who think it's going to be different for them and they're plowing ahead full steam because they think they've got what it takes- yeah they have another 50 years ahead of them so maybe they don't want to take such risks. It's a lot more difficult to get out when you've got a mortgage, children, and only enough income for one household.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
You're right, maybe she did learn her lesson like your gf. But with so many fish it the sea, it's a foolish risk to take. Though even foolish risks pan out sometimes purely on luck.
Most of those fish aren't worth baiting a hook for. When you find that one fish, and things really click, sometimes it's worth moving forward despite a few flags here and there. Nobody's perfect. It's just a matter of degree.
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post #83 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by caruso View Post
I'm thinking this is unncessary, uncalled for and inaccurate.

My GF of 5 years cheated on her husband towards the end of the marriage, multiple times. Their marriage had completely broken down, he was abusive, she wanted out, and she, well.. acted out. We sometimes talk about what she did, and I realize that she was in a very bad place with him, it took years to get there and most importantly, he and I are not the same person, nothing like each other so the way she acted towards him has no bearing on the way she acts or will act with me.

To look at a person's history of cheating and say "they did it with him or her, so they'll do it with you!", makes one major blunder. It doesn't include the CONTEXT.

I'll take it a step further and state that I would never get married again, not only because of my past experience including a nasty divorce, but because the legal construct of marriage can trap people in a relationship they cannot easily get out of which makes cheating more likely.

But I digress from my main point which is, he's enjoying the time with her, the intimacy is good or even great despite the fact that GF is suddenly faced with the untimely death of her ex and the associated guilt.

She'll get over it eventually and they could be just fine.

He found someone with whom he clicks, to say he's CRAZY and she's got enough baggage to cruise around the world based on what is written on this thread is extremely shortsighted and presumptive to say the least.
This I agree with.
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post #84 of 97 (permalink) Old 10-31-2016, 03:21 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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This I agree with.
So how is it going?
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post #85 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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So how is it going?
@Bandit, some weeks are better than others, but all in all I am happy and she is on the mend, happy more than sad. We see a counselor weekly, together, and we are working towards reestablishing our relationship. We are best of friends and lovers. I am happy with that while she heals.

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post #86 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 12:28 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

I'm glad Bandit sent a shout out to you because I had been thinking about you.
It sounds like a good update! How are her kids doing? And yours as well?
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post #87 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Her kids seem ok, although I do not see them because she feels it is not the right time for socializing with them. My kids are much better now that they see her again and that I am more attentive. Really looking for the best in this situation
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post #88 of 97 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 09:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Update:
So after another month she has found herself wanting a child from me and in that same day, in the evening, cheating on me. She said she felt confused and I said what she did was a huge disappointment to me. It's been a few weeks since that happened and I am not even sure what to feel anymore.
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post #89 of 97 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 11:13 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
Update:
So after another month she has found herself wanting a child from me and in that same day, in the evening, cheating on me. She said she felt confused and I said what she did was a huge disappointment to me. It's been a few weeks since that happened and I am not even sure what to feel anymore.
Walk the F away....... YESTERDAY

Trust me.... this is a sneak preview of what is to come

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #90 of 97 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 10:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Walk the F away....... YESTERDAY

Trust me.... this is a sneak preview of what is to come
Not even sure how to grasp the situation. Can not believe people could even think this way. After all I have been through I truly feel numb.
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