My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #91 of 97 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 11:13 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
Not even sure how to grasp the situation. Can not believe people could even think this way. After all I have been through I truly feel numb.
Read the post i wrote again, the one you that thanked me for my perspective. My perspective was right. She has huge character issues. I will be right again about how your future will be if you continue down this road. Look man I am not clairvoyant. This is how life works, just the same as gravity, if you attach your life to a serial cheater you are going to have a lousy life. People who cheat over and over are not capable of being in a monogamous relationship. Or really any true relationships. Don't end up like her ex destroyed by her damage.

Emotionally she is very much like to a mentally retarded person. Just like you can't expect someone who has mental retardation to run a business. You cannot expect an emotionally retarded person to have a successful relationship. She doesn't have the emotional capacity to do it.

Now on to you? Why are you treating this woman like she is the last woman on earth? She isn't even a very nice woman. She cheats on almost everyone she is with? Seriously is there something in your past or are you so insecure that you think this is the only woman who will be interested in you? I guarantee you this will not be the case, but you need to learn how to demand more from life. Honestly you would be better off without her even if she was the only woman interested in you. There is no hope for happiness with her.

Finally I am going to tell you one more thing, and it is very important. I have been reading these sites for a while now. There is one type of man that you see over and over. He is the kind whose wife treats him incredibly poorly. Bullies him and has no respect for him. Cheats on him over and over, flaunts it in his face, yet he continues to stay. At first I felt so bad for these guys, but then I kept seeing the pattern. They always stay.

That is when I figured it out. These women seek out these "weak" men. The women cheaters are like parasites and the men are their hosts. Like the school yard bully seeks the weakest to pick on all because they know the weak kid won't stand up for themselves. This is what is going on with this relationship dynamic I am describing, this is why you see them over and over. It's no fluke, it is a calculated thing. The woman knows she is going to cheat so she is just looking for the "nice guy" to have her kids with and pay for her lifestyle, and she will have her dalliances on the side. The weaker the better.

Now I am not saying it's you. But I think it is your girl, and she is seeing a strong target in you. You may have the potential to be this type of man. I don't mean to insult you but you are on this board and everyone, men and women has told you she is bad news, and to run. She has repeatedly cheated and she just did it to you, after her ex killed himself no less (probably contributed to by her abuse of him). What are doing man? Is there anything she could do that would make you stop pursuing her, because right now the bar can't get any lower.

I call them emotional vampires, and just like a vampire this girl has got you in her spell. Better get the garlic before it's too late.

Break up with this woman, ghost her and then write another post about how to get over someone. We will all help you through that. It is hard at first but we are talking a few weeks to months. Not lifetimes.


Last edited by sokillme; 01-15-2017 at 11:21 PM.
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post #92 of 97 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 12:07 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Update:
So after another month she has found herself wanting a child from me and in that same day, in the evening, cheating on me. She said she felt confused and I said what she did was a huge disappointment to me. It's been a few weeks since that happened and I am not even sure what to feel anymore.
Hi, TJ

Sorry you have found yourself in this situation already. Your main priorities are to your wonderful daughters and yourself.

Your girls need to see you with a woman whose flaws don't include any bad treatment they would see, like cheating or other disturbing behaviors. She doesn't sound balanced. You are a big role model and your girls will be picking men someday. Would you set the bar high for them?

And you, YOU should know you deserve that for yourself. If you are still in therapy, bring that up ( individual therapy), and work on your self esteem. You can't fix others. It's up to you.

Take care, and maybe stick around so the forum can help you a bit more. There is an infidelity forum on this site. We can see you're hurting. Whatever you choose, get some help, and continue to be a great father!
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post #93 of 97 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Sad to say but you were right sokillme. The therapist we had been seeing diagnosed her as a Narcissistic Sociopath. I am still seeing the therapist to work on myself so that I will not fall into this trap again. I was gaslighted, mirrored and discarded. I'd say this is a lesson I won't forget. I am embarrassed, but at the same time thankful to have learned many new things about myself and that I am now working on.
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post #94 of 97 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 02:11 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Originally Posted by TeesJeep1 View Post
Sad to say but you were right sokillme. The therapist we had been seeing diagnosed her as a Narcissistic Sociopath. I am still seeing the therapist to work on myself so that I will not fall into this trap again. I was gaslighted, mirrored and discarded. I'd say this is a lesson I won't forget. I am embarrassed, but at the same time thankful to have learned many new things about myself and that I am now working on.
Understand that probably everything she told you about her relationship with her ex was either a tissue of lies or at the very least she minimized everything. I will bet you anything she screwed around on him a lot, and that was a big reason why they broke up.

I'm sorry for your pain. Put this woman in your rear-view and never communicate with her again.

What was the circumstances of her cheating on you? Who did she cheat with?
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post #95 of 97 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

Dam this is not a good situation for anyone, I hope the Children are doing OK

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post #96 of 97 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

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Sad to say but you were right sokillme. The therapist we had been seeing diagnosed her as a Narcissistic Sociopath. I am still seeing the therapist to work on myself so that I will not fall into this trap again. I was gaslighted, mirrored and discarded. I'd say this is a lesson I won't forget. I am embarrassed, but at the same time thankful to have learned many new things about myself and that I am now working on.
Sorry to hear. I always wish I am wrong. Don't feel to bad everyone gets fooled at least once. Good for you that you are determined to learn from this with professional help. The scary thing is when it happens over and over then it because a personal problem, not one of getting fooled. Part of that is not accepting any crap anymore, like I said in the last post. If you have very strong boundaries and expect people to follow them, people like this women will lose interest very fast because they know they can just move on to another easy target. They are like predators looking for hosts who they can feed off of.

Look I am not clairvoyant but I have just read too much on here and other sites. Not to mention the few that I bumped into (dated) in my life. Authentic people don't do these kind of things. This pretty much holds true with most people who cheat by the way. The only way you are safe is if they are willing to change their whole life and do years of therapy. It takes a monumental effort. Most don't have that in them.

There are people who can do terrible things to other people, and people who just can't. Those who can are like alcoholics. Even at their best they are still a serious risk. I would never give anyone advice to stay in a marriage or relationship with an alcoholic, at least without pointing out you are one binge away from ruin. To me it's not worth the risk. You may get over it but you never get the time back.

Anyway it's a hard lesson but it's a good one to learn. Character, that is the most important thing when it comes to committed relationships.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-20-2017 at 04:39 PM.
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post #97 of 97 (permalink) Old 04-29-2017, 08:32 AM
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Re: My GF's (Soon to be Ex) Killed Himself, Advice?

TeesJeep, how are you doing?
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