I don't really know where to start this post because my thought process is ALL over the place.
My dad (60) suddenly died on September 9th. We were VERY close... my parents and two sisters are my best friends, along with one or 2 others. I have a lot of friends, but very few that I fully let in.
I met my current boyfriend about a month before my dad died. He is truly an amazing man. I'm 31 and he is 36.
He has such a huge heart, he makes me feel loved, he does nice things for me, he is responsible, has morals, works hard, etc. I could keep going on and on about how wonderful he is, because he truly is.
Here's the problem. I don't know how to find myself again. I don't know how to truly let him in (I think I am scared to be broken again and lose someone I love). Before my dad's death, he was everything to me. He still is, but I just... I don't know. I am so irritable now (not just with him, but with everyone).. and my sisters both got on anti depressants but I really do not want to get on any type of medication like that to make me be me again... if that makes sense.
So basically I'm looking for advice or books to read on how to love openly again, after such a traumatic loss and/or experience. Not only did I lose my dad in September, but I loss my dog in April.. he was my baby.
2016 has been a horrible year and I just want a fresh start.
I know I am not being fair to the people in my life, so I am seeking advice.
I just feel lost.