Mother-in-law passed away - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Mother-in-law passed away

Yesterday morning, my husband got a call that his mother passed away. Unlike with my mother, three years ago, she did not have all her affairs in order. We don't even know if she had a life insurance policy or not. My brother-in-law lived with her, as the options are either a group home or live with family, due to his cerebral palsy. In his case, he was affected both physically and mentally. My husband and I agree that we want him to live with us, in Michigan. But there are so many problems we have to sort out, first... Chief of which is getting my husband down to Florida to sort everything out. When you have no money, that becomes a problem... a big one. And, add to that the disarray of her finances... He is overwhelmed, to say the least.

His sister is on her way down there, from Delaware, but even she had to scrape together money for this trip.

Mother-in-law went into the hospital at the beginning of this month, after calling my husband and he recognized that something wasn't right. She had a possible stroke about a month before that. While in the hospital, my husband and his sister called regularly, but kept getting the runaround. They asked for permission for different procedures, and we aren't even sure they even DID them all. She was moved to a rehab facility last weekend... And we found out from someone NOT related to her medical care. It's all just a huge mess, and my husband is stressed out, trying to figure out how he is going to get down there, let alone how to pay for whatever is needing to be done. I set up a GoFundMe, but seeing how little help people who are truly in need actually get, I am not very optimistic. Please, those who pray, keep our family in prayer. Please pray we can get my husband down to Florida, and both men back up here.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 11:47 AM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

My condolences. It's normally a difficult time, that sounds extra tough.

Link to go fund me?



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

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My condolences. It's normally a difficult time, that sounds extra tough.

Link to go fund me?
I'll PM it, Charlie, to keep (most) anonymity.

And, while I put an amount that we think should cover any expenses that will come up when dealing with all of this, even just getting him DOWN there will help a lot.

And anyone else who wants the link, let me know and I will PM.

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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

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Sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Thank you, Daisy

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

My condolences to you and the family @Maricha75 Distance is hard when this happens and I'll be praying for you. Where is your BIL staying right now? Hope that's not another of your worries. Your H and you are doing your best,so keep your chin up. Please PM me the link info when you get a minute.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

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My condolences to you and the family @Maricha75 Distance is hard when this happens and I'll be praying for you. Where is your BIL staying right now? Hope that's not another of your worries. Your H and you are doing your best,so keep your chin up. Please PM me the link info when you get a minute.
Thanks, TBT. He is currently staying with the aide who was living with them. I am thankful that my sister-in-law is on her way down there, now, so she should be there soon (I know, soon is relative). Hoping they can be there by tomorrow, because two of her sons are going with her. And she will get things started while we work on getting him down there.

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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Honestly, if anyone wants to share the link, even if they are unable to help, I am ok with that. This has definitely taught me to make sure my wishes ate known, and to get everything in order now, so no one is left guessing. I may even write up agency contact info to keep with important papers, in case we die in poverty.

The really frustrating part is that for years, she said she was changing things, to reflect the current situation. In the last few months, she had called, regularly, and wanted to make sure we were sure we wanted my brother-in-law to live with us, if we were sure we would take the responsibility. It's like she knew months ago, but never told us.

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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

My thoughts and prayers are going your way.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton

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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

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My thoughts and prayers are going your way.
Thank you, meson.

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 03:20 PM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Sorry for your loss. These days we all have tragedies of our own to deal with and people have become jaded. Hope it works out for you as it did for me when both of my in-laws died in the first three years of my marriage. I had to quit college to get 3 jobs. I maxed out our two credit cards and used my car as collateral for a small loan. The funeral parlor gave me some credit. On top of that my wife became disabled so we lost her salary and were being sued for past due medical bills That is a lot of weight for a 21 year old.

Good luck and I know what you are going through. I lost hope but it all worked out in the end.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 03:35 PM
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

I'm very sorry to hear this, Maricha. God's comfort for your family.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Thank you, Vinnydee and GTdad. Yea, I understand why so many have become jaded. For one, there was a fund set up to get her child braces... instead, she used it to throw him a birthday party. I just shook my head at that. He's getting his braces in a few days, but man...

There is enough now to get my husband down to his brother, and so he can start sorting through everything. We hope they find a life insurance policy, though. If they do, I will definitely stop the fund.

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers, and the help. All are greatly appreciated.

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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 06:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Just an update, and a thank you. So far, we definitely have enough to get my husband to Florida, and to cover the expenses relating to my mother-in-law's body. He and his sister have opted to allow Science Care cover the expense of cremation. I won't get into details, but anyone can look them up to get the gist of what they do. We still need to figure out how to make sure everything is done legally in respect to my brother-in-law's care, but I am thankful things are moving forward. My sister-in-law is with him right now, and wading through mother-in-law's papers. But, we will get everything figured out.

Word to the wise: consider Science Care if that is a viable option where you are. If not that, make sure ALL your wishes are known, and hopefully written down. And, lastly, if you can afford it, get a life insurance policy, keep it current, and make sure it is EASILY ACCESSIBLE! We seriously still do not know of she even HAS an active policy.

Thank you, again, everyone, for your help and your kind thoughts and words.

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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mother-in-law passed away

Update: A couple days ago, my sister-in-law took my brother-in-law shopping and he had a seizure. He has had them before, so she tried to wait for him to come out of it. When he didn't, they rushed him to the hospital. Thank God they have a van converted for him. He had three more while at the hospital. After she told us, my husband and I discussed it and decided that if she preferred moving down there, that would probably be best for their brother. We think his seizures were stress induced, due to the shock of losing their mom, and the excitement of having his sister there.

So, we have paid for the expenses related to mother-in-law's cremation. Given the circumstances, we thought it better to try to pay down the necessary bills so they didn't get anything shut off while getting everything straightened out.

Once we knew sister-in-law was down there, my husband broke down. I think he was running on adrenaline, really. But, his sister kept saying he needs to get down there, and then that different bills needed to be paid. They had a shut off notice for electric, rent was coming due ($1900 for rent!!)... So, it was a difficult decision, but we told her that either we could pay to keep the electric on or hubby coukd fly down, we couldn't do both. She had met with brother-in-law's care coordinator and got everything else worked out. So, hubby is not flying down at this time. Anything we get will still go to help them with the changes they are needing to make, and we will, on our own, work on saving up to go down there to visit asap.

I am keeping the GoFundMe open, for now, only because we still do not know the extent of the bill problems mother-in-law had. It is still such a mess. Initially, the focus was to pay for her expenses and get brother-in-law up here. Now, the focus is on making the changes with as little trauma as possible. Sister-in-law is petitioning the court to become his guardian, with our complete support. We need this done asap because his funds were frozen along with mother-in-law's, once Social Security learned of her death. When we know all is well, I will be closing down the GoFundMe page... even if we raise nothing more.

Thank you, again, everyone, for your prayers, kind words, and help.

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