Wife's mother passed away - difficult mother-in-law
here is my situation in a nutshell. My wife's mother has been diagnosed with melanoma roughly 4 months ago, and she unfortunately passes away last Thursday. We have the wake next Tuesday.
It is a VERY difficult situation for my wife due to the fact that she was extremely close with her mother. I cannot imagine what she is going through and I am trying very hard to be as supportive and caring as possible. We moved in with my in-laws about 2 months ago so she can help and be there for her mom. We left everything behind and made the move; jobs, friends, house. Everything.
We are both relatively young; my wife is 24 and I am 30. The problem is my mother, my wifes mother-in-law. My mom has always had a difficult character to deal with - "her way or the highway" type of personality. She never accepted my wife for what she is, was against the marriage, etc. She seen the wifes parents once or twice - and wrote them off right away.
Now that we are going through such a hard time, she didnt change at all. The wake is Tuesday and my mom, dad, as well as grandma who is here visiting from Europe will attend the wake as well as the church part but the dinner is what caused a situation. When on the phone with my mom, my wife asked her to bring my grandma as well because she would like her to be there and then come with us for the dinner, My mother threw in her face, at a time like this, that she was not personally invited so she will not come. Obviously my wife started crying and got mad at me that my mother will never change and still is set in her ways even now.I did mention to my mom that even though there will be more than just family members at the dinner I dont know if she is invited. She replied that she knows that my wife wishes it was her (my mom) that died instead of hers. I replied that it doesnt matter what anyone thinks right now, to put everything aside and just be there for my wife. I dont think she liked that.
Like I said; she never liked my wife even though my wife tried a number of times to reach out. I really dont know how to handle this.
Im afraid that when my mother shows up at the wake she might act in a way that she usually does and i dont want a scene or my wife to get even more upset. Then again, I dont want to upset my mother either.
From the conversations with my mom it seems like this is yet another "drama" that she enjoys so much. Even though she cried when she heard the news, told me I have to be supportive, I get a feeling like she is "enjoying" the situation at hand.
Im at a loss. What should I do??? Im an only child and I truly love my mother because I know deep inside she is a very good person but when it comes to this Im stuck. She likes to be the center of attention and Im afraid she will not be able to withhold that at the wake, yet I would like her to be there. She has a very dominant personality and it hurts that at a time like this there is nothing I can do to make her understand and act appropriately and with compassion.