How 3 deaths affected me - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-04-2012, 08:49 PM Thread Starter
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How 3 deaths affected me

My mother died when I was young and I was sent to live with an Aunt and Uncle as my father was ill long term. I didn't cry at the funeral as I had been told in advance she was dying. I was rarely hugged by my Aunt as a child. I don't know why this was. I remember once when I was 10 years old my Aunt gave me a kiss on the brow one night in bed - maybe I had awoken from a nightmare - I don't know but I remember that act as it was a rare act of affection. I was at least 19-20 years old when one night two very drunk young ladies asked me to help them to walk to a bar. I brought them as far as they wanted. Along the way they were so intoxicated that they kept brushing their bodies against me in a manner I had not experienced before. I was shocked to discover that women have soft breasts. I had so little female contact until then that I thought breasts were firm and muscle like.

The second death was that of my son who died at birth and I was lucky my then girlfriend, now my wife lived. It was a breech birth and the idiot of a Doctor sent her home that day when she complained of pains. I came in with her in huge pain and ran to a neighbor for help as I had no car or phone at the time. When we got back to the house the baby was being born but despite all our efforts it died shortly after. I screamed and roared very loudly and sang my form of the blues to deal with that death. Plus I prayed a lot.

The 3rd death was when my sister was killed - manslaughter - murdered (as far as I was concerned) by her boyfriend. I published a book of poetry as a response to dealing with the grief I felt. I remember walking into a shop with my wife to buy a shirt and tie for the funeral when this hit me full force and I had to leave and try not to vomit such was my level of upset. I may have also fallen down such was the tremor in my legs had my wife not supported me.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-05-2012, 10:00 AM
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

Lonesomegra you are always welcome to share with us bro i know everyone is familiar when we lose someone very dear. I am upset with your third loss where is the murderer now? and what about your wife now? Don't be sad temptations always come Be strong and keep faith... God Bless
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-08-2012, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

Noel1987 My wife is healthy enough now and it was a very tough time for us both.

As for the murderer he served 4 1/2 years in prison and as far as I am aware has now been released. A small price to pay for a life. I am more angry at the legal system than him at this stage.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-04-2012, 05:40 PM
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

i feel your loss. I guess we all deal with death in different ways. My mother died 4 years ago and my father loves her so much. He cries everyday. There are no words to help him as he knows she will never ome back. We just hear him out.

Last edited by ferndog; 03-04-2012 at 07:13 PM.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-08-2012, 08:58 AM
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

have faith.and pray

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 06:41 AM
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

I am sorry. Grief is very real physically. So much so it feels like it will kill us, only it doesn't. Sometimes I feel I've encountered people who seem to be envious of intense grief, I think it's because they're curious as to how you can love someone so much that it makes you this way.

I posted here about a grief situation. I struggle with it every day, if anyone shows me so much as a little kindness I start to lose it.

I'll go to see my guy this evening. I hope I don't end up crying like last time which was Sunday. 6 weeks in the hsopital, I didn't cry, except when his sister was abusive to me and the first day I really lost it big time (well, it was the middle of the night) but when he got to rehab, I started in on it.

There is really no escape, I have accepted I will go about my life and go on with it, and that I will hurt. I bought Boost again for the times when I can't swallow food.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 04:46 PM
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Re: How 3 deaths affected me

I'm really sorry. The loss you have suffered is terrible but worse than that is the circumstances behind them. I am glad you are able to deal with your grief though. The book is wonderful.
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