Caring for parent - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

User Tag List

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-28-2012, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Unhappy Caring for parent

Hi all, new here and hoping for some insight. My father suffered a debilitating stroke and cannot live on his own. The situation itself is very stressful, he was working full-time at a physical job and is relatively young (early 60s), his wife left him because she couldn't deal with it and my sibling says that she has a life elsewhere and can't come visit. So...

My marriage is suffering horribly. My husband basically wants me to move in to my dad's home and stay there (rather than have him in our home). We have children at home (the youngest is 12) and honestly, I just want to be home, you know? I feel like I've been kicked out. I thought we had a good marriage, and this whole thing with him really surprised me, and is kinda making me hate him.

I'm not sure what the point of my post is, needed to vent anonymously, and maybe hear some words of wisdom from others who have (successfully or unsuccessfully) cared with ailing parents and a less than sympathetic spouse.

Thanks.
molly2012 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-01-2012, 02:01 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 24,139
Re: Caring for parent

Quote:
Originally Posted by Threetimesalady View Post
Hi molly2012...Have you considered his selling his house and building an addition onto yours...If you do this make it so that he is not interferring with your family....Like an apartment deal...He would be able to pay for this from the price of the sale...

As far as your husband's idea, it sucks...Don't do it...Your marriage may not make it....Instead have your Father hire someone to help...

Good luck and I hope that things work out...Take care...

Caroline



This is very good advice. That way your dad will be close but not in the middle of your family life.
EleGirl is offline  
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-17-2012, 11:30 PM
DTO
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,828
Re: Caring for parent

Second the idea that you should keep your dad close but in separate quarters. If adding on a suite to your home does not work, what about a nearby assisted living facility?

You are no doubt in a tough spot. Your dad needs you but your family does as well. Plus, if your dad is healthy he could need care for a long time, declining from advancing age. I know a lady who cared for her mother (had Alzheimer's) for nearly 20 years before making the hard decision to put her in a home; it was so burdensome she never had a life of her own.

The other thing that may matter is whether your father and husband got along well. If there was never a close relationship, or if your father tended to be a "taker", your husband may be that much more reluctant to take on this responsibility.
DTO is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 03:03 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 14,268
Re: Caring for parent

Your husband is lucky to have a wife devoted and responsible enough to serve as caregiveer for her ailing dad. You're lucky that you've got a husband who supports your doing so. What's your husband's arguments against bringing dad to your house? How has your dad's illness adversely affected your marriage? A compromise might be that you share caregiver duties with others. He could need care for a long time. You carrying all the weight doesn't sound like a viable solution wherever your dad lives.
unbelievable is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
cant stop caring proudwidaddy Going Through Divorce or Separation 14 03-14-2012 09:05 PM
Should I be as mad as I am for husband not caring how I feel? to tired to care anymore General Relationship Discussion 29 05-20-2011 04:02 PM
Caring for elder parent synonimous_anonymous Relationships and Spirituality 6 09-27-2010 10:18 AM
good parent / bad parent Cooper The Family & Parenting Forums 5 02-12-2009 10:09 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome