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Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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Old 02-28-2012, 01:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Caring for parent

Hi all, new here and hoping for some insight. My father suffered a debilitating stroke and cannot live on his own. The situation itself is very stressful, he was working full-time at a physical job and is relatively young (early 60s), his wife left him because she couldn't deal with it and my sibling says that she has a life elsewhere and can't come visit. So...

My marriage is suffering horribly. My husband basically wants me to move in to my dad's home and stay there (rather than have him in our home). We have children at home (the youngest is 12) and honestly, I just want to be home, you know? I feel like I've been kicked out. I thought we had a good marriage, and this whole thing with him really surprised me, and is kinda making me hate him.

I'm not sure what the point of my post is, needed to vent anonymously, and maybe hear some words of wisdom from others who have (successfully or unsuccessfully) cared with ailing parents and a less than sympathetic spouse.

Thanks.
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caring for parent

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Originally Posted by Threetimesalady View Post
Hi molly2012...Have you considered his selling his house and building an addition onto yours...If you do this make it so that he is not interferring with your family....Like an apartment deal...He would be able to pay for this from the price of the sale...

As far as your husband's idea, it sucks...Don't do it...Your marriage may not make it....Instead have your Father hire someone to help...

Good luck and I hope that things work out...Take care...

Caroline



This is very good advice. That way your dad will be close but not in the middle of your family life.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caring for parent

Second the idea that you should keep your dad close but in separate quarters. If adding on a suite to your home does not work, what about a nearby assisted living facility?

You are no doubt in a tough spot. Your dad needs you but your family does as well. Plus, if your dad is healthy he could need care for a long time, declining from advancing age. I know a lady who cared for her mother (had Alzheimer's) for nearly 20 years before making the hard decision to put her in a home; it was so burdensome she never had a life of her own.

The other thing that may matter is whether your father and husband got along well. If there was never a close relationship, or if your father tended to be a "taker", your husband may be that much more reluctant to take on this responsibility.
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Old 04-18-2012, 03:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caring for parent

Your husband is lucky to have a wife devoted and responsible enough to serve as caregiveer for her ailing dad. You're lucky that you've got a husband who supports your doing so. What's your husband's arguments against bringing dad to your house? How has your dad's illness adversely affected your marriage? A compromise might be that you share caregiver duties with others. He could need care for a long time. You carrying all the weight doesn't sound like a viable solution wherever your dad lives.
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