not coping - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-28-2009, 04:43 PM Thread Starter
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Post not coping

I have been with my husband for about 4 years and married for 3, i am still only very young and he is 6 years older than me. 4 weeks ago he started to get weird towards me and started being cruel. A week later he told me that he wants a couple of weeks to get his head together about whether he wants to be with me anymore so he went to stay with his sister. The last 3 weeks have been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions for me, i cant sleep properly, ive lost about 4 kilos and i feel like i cant think straight with all the "what if" thoughts and emotions. In the last 3 weeks he's turned completely cold towards me when we used to have quite a loving relationship. We had our problems which im willing to work through because i love him to death. Ive never been with anyone else and i couldnt bear the thought of us being apart. Ive let him know that i will do anything in my power to make this relationship work but he just tells me that he doesnt want to put himself back in the situation incase it goes back to the way it was. Ive done everything i can to get him home. Ive gone to see him and he shuts me out, ive taken him over his favourite dinner, i send him txt messages. I just need some advice on what is the best thing i can do to save this marriage and cope with these emotions.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-15-2009, 01:21 PM
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Re: not coping

I am sorry for you...I am hurt too and understand
1. Get him to explain "how it used to be" what is it he did not like?? Ask him to go to a counsler to talk about it if he can't one on one.
2. gET SOME SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF. i HAVE BEEN GOING IT ALONE, AND HAVE FOUND THAT IT WILL MAKE YOU SICK.. fIND THAT ONE FRIEND THAT YOU CAN TRUST NOT TO GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.. Don't try to do this alone
3. keep yourself busy with things you have always wanted to do. Do something for ypourself. get a massage, go to the gym. shopping, go visit family. Family is a great support tool that you need right now.

Best of luck to you.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-15-2009, 03:48 PM
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Re: not coping

sorry , but we dont just start acting weird for a reason.
there is something behind this and its not you thats the cause of it.
my ex said the same thing, i need to get my head together, next thing he was having an affair.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-04-2009, 01:01 PM
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Re: not coping

My husband did and is doing the same thing. We were having some problems so we separated. And I was working as hard as I could to show him that things could be better, happy, and good. But he kept saying he was so afraid things would go back to the way things were. Did he ever have a drug or alcohal problem? Or is he using at all now? My husband is a recovering addict. he's not using any of the substance anymore but he has fallen back into the pattern of addictive behavior. If it isn't that then yes there is a reason for why he's doing this. Maybe suggest counseling to him to help him clear his head and better figure out what he wants. Have you suggested marriage counseling? These can help him and marriage counseling can help you as well.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-23-2009, 07:47 PM
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Re: not coping

My husband did the same thing, just up and said it's not going to work. Moved out, got his own apt, it's been 5 months of back and forth. I love you but I'm not in love with you. There's no one else there's someone else. My husband deals w/severe depression and on top of that has had alcohol and drug problems in his past. He's in personal therapy and taking meds but refuses any type of counseling when it comes to us and our marriage. He just flat says I know it's not going to work which confuses me because he tells me we had everything and I did nothing wrong. So I'm killing myself trying to figure out why if he blames himself he won't do anything about it... We had a good relationship before considering his what I call "in and outs" due to him thinking he could handle his depression by himself. It is the most painful thing I've ever been through, see if he will go to counseling I wish you the best of luck I wish my H would have a break through I keep praying but it doesn't seem to be working...I hope your situation turns out better my thoughts and prayers are with as I continue to keep the faith on my end as well.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-27-2013, 08:19 PM
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Re: not coping

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, I can totally relate. My husband was the only one that I have been with and I have known him for 12 years and we have been married for 10. My husband disconnected from me and told me that he would always love me and care for me but that he wasn't in love with me anymore. The hardest words I have ever heard in my life. My husband also told me that he would try to try because he stated that he wasn't sure he could go through my bouts with depression anymore that I had hurt him so badly. What it came down to was excuses and him blaming me for everything even though he was the one doing things he was not supposed to be doing while I took care of our son. I am still having trouble going through this and some days it doesn't feel like you will, but you have to remember that you cannot control what the other person does. This is something that will drive you crazy, but you have to accept it. Try to take care of yourself as best as you can, try to eat and sleep when you can. I know it is not easy. I have lost 40 pounds so far while going through this but I know I have to get through this for my 1 year old son because he can't take care of himself. Find someone that you can talk to whether it is a counselor, family member or friend. This is something you cannot and should not have to go through on your own. I've had to ask a lot of different people for help because I know I can't do it on my own and they all have told me to ask for help because they want to see me heal and move forward with my life. Keep your head up and I hope this helps!
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