DanF I am also really sorry for your loss. What I have learned from this it doesn't matter if your child was 1 day old or 100 years old it is just so unnatural for the child to go first. If you don't mind me asking, have you guys ALWAYS been able to talk about her freely?
Our daughter was severely handicapped and we always suspected that she would pass while we were alive. So in a way, we thought that we were prepared. We weren't.
It still hurts, but I know that where she is now, she can run and talk and sing and do whatever she wants to.
My wife and I have always and still do remember the good times and laugh at some of the things that she would do. I still have sad days and probably always will. She passed away over two years ago, but for some reason Father's Day was real hard for me this year.
All I can say is that if you talk about your baby girl and try to find the joy that you experienced in her all too brief life, I think that she will always live in your heart.
Also, I don't know if there is a "proper" or "right" way to grieve. Everyone is different and I think it would be extremely unjust to say, "My child died, too and this is what you need to do to get over it."
I don't think that I will ever "get over" the loss of my precious little girl. Sometimes I am afraid if I do, I will forget her.
As I stated, I just remember the good times and have faith that she is happy and going fishing with her grandaddy and favorite uncle.