squeeky

I know my husband wouldn't be looking for comfort in another women if I had my act together. Over the last 20 years I've let myself go. Gained some weight and not as particular about the house like I used to be. Husband retired and our life turned upside down. He searched out her old flame and now left to see her. Said it didn't matter what happens to our relationship he had to see her.
I know I need to get my life together but its hard? How do you do it. just getting out of bed is a chore let alone dealing with the house, my child and life?

lamaga

The first thing you need to do is see your doctor. You sound clinically depressed to me. You'd be amazed what the right meds can do for that.

You have to take of yourself now -- no one else will.

squeeky

Yes I have seen my doctor and have been placed on some medication. I am trying to get it together for my daughter. Its amazing how I have let someone else control my emotions. I need to find me again.

lamaga

Very typical for us women -- we're socialized that way, but now you have a chance to create the life that YOU want. It's a painful time, no doubt about it, but it can also be a time of hope and growth for you. I wish you well.

oona

My family are not religious but I found it helpful to believe in an afterlife first and that death is a part of life....... I still have some bad days but ........
life goes on and it will be beautiful again.

Two things - love yourself and no guilt!

Find a way to listen to and express your true feelings and thoughts safely - all of them - even the bad ones. Letters to yourself, lists, chat sites, friends, clubs etc = loving yourself and allowing yourself to exist. See how great you are - all of you!

And....

Are you feeling guilt for not being 'in love' with your husband (ie not expressing your true self/ showing how wonderful you are at all times) and believing thus that you caused his affair?

STOP!

He is - like you responsible for his own actions. If he had any respect/love for himself and had loved you he would have found an effective way to communicate to you his needs and wouldn't have stopped until he had done so - WITHOUT hurting you.

I am sorry for his and your loss. You both had the illusion of love.

Now you have the opportunity to truely find AND EXPRESS YOURSELF and someone WILL find you that will love you - no matter what size you are or how you look or who is in town.

Good luck.

relationshipsguide_gal

Hi squeeky, most people undergo the same situation. But don't give up dear. Try to always look at the bright side of everything. I'm glad you're taking meds now. I'm sure it helps a lot. Maybe you should start loving yourself again, you know. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself, not for others. If you're happy, everything else follows. Everything turns for the better - family, home, relationship, etc.. Besides, nobody else could love you best than your self (and God of course, if you believe in God) :-) All the best, mae (relationshipsguide_gal)

TheCrunch

I hope you will be able to forgive yourself for any mistakes you perceive you may have made in the past. I agree with RG above that you need to make a conscious effort to look for the bright side of life. Easier said than done, but you could start by looking into positive thinking to start changing your general outlook.

althea0212

Sometimes it's not enough that you rely on your medications. It may help if you get into counseling or be in a support group. Love yourself first and think of things that you can do to make you happy and fulfilled. Talk to people you trust who can be with you at this low moment of your life. Your daughter needs you and she should be your greatest motivator.